Erik in the new century, part II
by Ingabritta
Summary: Continuation. This is mostly about Susan, but also about Gregorij,and Erik has to face his past once again. New chapter about Jeanette added. Last two chapters of this part added. Gregorij and Erik
1. 1909 Susan Gregorij

**1909**

**Susan and Gregorij**

"Jeanette has got an offer to sing at the Metropolitan opera" Erik said one day to Susan when he visited her apartment to listen her most recent compositions. " I would like to accompany her. It's twentyfive years since I was in New York and I'm not likely to get another opportunity." – "America - it sounds interesting." – "I want to ask you if you would like to come with us. " – "What about mother?" – "She doesn't want to. Jeanette is not her family." – "Christine? Or Raoul?" – "No. I'm really flattered she wanted me to come. And you, if you want to." – "Of course I want to! I'm so glad you asked. I really need to get away."- "Perhaps I could make contact with my old friend Henry Proctor, if he is still alive. I'm interested in what happened to my old house."

The two sisters hadn't met for a while and spent the time on the boat talking and gossiping. "Don't you have any young man courting you?" Susan asked her sister."You who are both famous and beautiful." – "I haven't had the time. And like you said – I don't know if the men are interested in me or the famous primadonna. And you?" – "I have been in love. But it didn't last." Susan had not yet allowed herself looking at anybody else since Gregorij.

Old memories came to mind as Erik visited the Metropolitan opera again. Only a few persons from the old ensemble remained, but some still remembered mr Leroux. One evening he met his old friend, the only real friend he had made in New York, the former manager Henry Proctor. The reunion was cordial. "I guessed who the guest performer miss de Chagny was " he said. "So you have finally come back?" –"Only to accompany Jeanette. Yes you know that she is my daughter. This is Susan Leroux, my other daughter." – "Pleased to meet you." Erik asked about his house in the mountains. "It was sold a long time ago. But I know that it's for sale again. There is a road going all the way now. It is used as a theater, giving performances in the basement. Would you like to go?" – "Please, let us go" Susan said. "And I would like to compare to the real cavern" Jeanette said. "A relative of mine, Louis Malcolm, is interested in buying it" Henry said. "he's a man with great theatrical interest, a director and a playwrite. Do you play, miss Leroux?" – "Susan composes and plays the piano. Her skills equals mine nowadays." – "And you Erik, have you composed any new operas?" – "The Hunchback of Notre Dame an Columbus were my latest."

Later on Erik and Susan talked. "I had forgotten how good friends we were" Erik said. "Now we must keep in contact."- "What about the house? If Henry's relative buys the house, couldn't we stay and help? Or come back here?" – "I think I'm too old and tired for long travels like these."- "But I could. I'd like to stay in America for a while. Where nobody knows you." 'Where you could be anonymous' she thought 'and nobody knows if you are brother and sister or married.. no, don't think like that!'

The next week they went to the villa in Heny's old Ford. Before the performance they strolled around in the neighbourhood. "Much looks the same" Erik said. "Memories come back to me." They went up to the villa. "This road.. and the terrace.. I remember Elisabeth. Here we fell in love and promised to live together – for as long as it lasted. We were happy then." The theatre was located in the basement and you entered through a new entrance. Inside Erik was disappointed. The lake was gone and there was only the auditorium and the stage, but the walls were still like a cave. The play was a horror show with darkness and light and echoes and a pale heroine haunted by monsters. "I could have written something better" Susan said afterwards. – "Yes I wish my old house a better future" Erik said. "If Louis gets it perhaps it will have that" Henry said. "He usually sets up good operettas and musicals. " – "There should be water in the basement" Erik said. "I want to buy it" Susan said enthusiatically. "Father? We can buy it together, I move here and manage it together with mr Malcolm. What do you say?" – "Would you really like to move here? What about your composing?" – "But it's perfect. I stay here and compose. And Louis, if he writes, he does the lyrics." – "He is the manager of a small theatre company. I could introduce you, but not right now, he is in Canada for the moment." – "We will meet. I will come back this autumn. Perhaps you could sing here, Jeanette?" – "I prefer the opera stage."-"Perhaps Gregorij is interested?" – "I don't think so" Erik said. "It's too far from his world."

Jeanette gave her performances of Aida, Desdemona and Gilda and at the end of the month Susan asked her father "Did you enjoy our stay here?" – "Yes I did. If you decide to move here I will come to visit you, but then Eleanor must come too. I miss her."

The Bolsjoj ballet had employed a new young choregrapher, who soon advanced to a head position. New ideas were brought to the ballet and the old dancers had to give way to the young ones. His name was Boris Gadenskij and he had studied in Paris. Irina and her best friend Nina found this very interesting. Nina was still interested in her friend's older brother, but Gregorij let no woman come near him. Nina and Irina talked about him."You don't think he's one of those boys who .. like.. other boys?" – "I should have noticed that. I know he was very fond of Susan Leroux when she was here. She is his half-sister though. A spicy story – my mother met his father before she met mine. And his father met her mother after he met mine. And she has a brother my age."

Boris Gadenskij was demanding and he assumed that everybody else should give their utmost. Gregorij appreciated that. By working he could think only of his career and surpress all thoughts of Susan. One evening when he passed the womens dressingroom he heard sobs from within. He looked in and saw someone sitting at the floor, crying. He entered and she looked up at him. "Nina, what are you doing here?" She tried wiping her face. "I can't stand it any more" she sobbed "He's so demanding and critical and.. I only make mistakes all the time.." he sat down beside her. "Who?" – "Boris of course. He's pushing us.." she blew her nose and began to calm down. "Doesn't Irina say so too?"- "Well perhaps – but is it that bad?" – "Perhaps he is more mean to me than to the others. I had to practice and practice when all the others had left.. I'm so tired." She looked so helpless and weak that Gregorij felt sorry for her. When her tears began to fall again he wiped them out with his handkerchief. She looked at him tenderly "Will you not speak well of me to him? I have noticed that he likes you." – "I will try" – "Gregorij you are so kind to me" she whispered "I like you." She didn't dare to touch him. 'Here is your chance' he thought ' to break free from your feelings for Susan and have a normal relationship'. He understood that she wanted him to kiss her, so he did, very tenderly. He felt nothing. "Let me walk you home" he said. Nothing more happened on the way home – he didn't want to give her false expectations."I will take to Boris about you" he said.

The next day Gregorij told Boris that he wanted to speak to him. "What a coincidence – I would like to speak to you too." They went to Boris' office. "I am very pleased with you" Boris said "and I would like you to perform more advanced parts. I have plans for the future which I would like to discuss with you." – "I'm flattered. But first I would like to say something. It's about Nina and the other girls in the ballet corpse. They find you too demanding. My sister has complained, and she is usually a tough girl. And Nina was crying yesterday in the dressingroom." – "I admit that perhaps I was a little too hard with her. But it's for her own good. She is talanted and needs rehearsing a lot to be even better. That goes for all of the girls, they have to think of their carriers and nothing else. Just like you. You have the potential to become a great dancer. No emotional feelings for anyone in the house?" Gregorij shook his head. Boris rose from his chair. "As I said I would like to discuss the future repertoire with you. Would you like to go out and have a drink with me?" – "Yes, that would be nice. But shouldn't you talk about the repertoire with Igor or any of those who have been here for a while?" – "You are the future. Shall we say tomorrow?"

Boris was very elegant in a smart top coat, dark jacket and a blue silk skirt wearing a scarf around his neck. He was handsome and Gregorij thought it strange that none of the young ladies at the ballet had talked about it. They spent a pleasant evening at a small café. First they talked about work but later on Gregorij began to talk about himself, telling him about his real father, the composer Erik Leroux. He also talked about Susan without saying anything about his feelings for her. Boris didn't talk much about himself. "I had friends in Paris" he said. "But nobody here so far. Would you like to be my friend?" – "Of course. " Boris put his hand on Gregorijs and pressed it slightly. "I have plans for you" he said. "Could you ask you father to compose more ballet music for us?"

"You seem to be Boris' favorite" Irina said to her brother some time later. "He doesn't scold you like the rest of us." – "It must be that I'm so much better than you" he anwered laughing. "Seriously speaking, we have become friends. And he is not as demanding as he was, is he?" – "No. Nina and all of us do our best. We admire him, and he is handsome – but still a little weak, I think."

"I have made a pas-de-deux to the music of Ravel. It's for you and me" Boris said to Gregorij one day. "For two male dancers? " – "I thought the audience had enough of excellent women so we could give them beautiful male dance as well. Oriental style, Aladdin and the genie of the lamp. You will see."  
Their rehersal was intense, they worked a lot together and Boris showed him his intentions with the ballet. As time passed Gregorij noticed that Boris seldom let his gaze leave him and that it was filled with admiration. One of the female dancers passing their rehersal remarked to her friend "Boris looks at Gregorij as he should have looked at me." Gregorij couldn't help listening to the talk. But when they rehearsed in their costumes Boris made a strong and not at all weak impression.

The ballet had good reviews. Anna attended it and remarked " Sometimes it looked just like love scenes between the characters. He if defying convenance, he must watch the critics." – "It's just ballet, mother" Gregorij said. But he knew it was more behind.

The evening after Boris invited Gregorij to his office, where he had a small bar, and offered him a glass of vodka. "It was a success, wasn't it?" Gregorij felt a little tense as he had done lately when Boris looked at him. The choregrapher lifted his hand and touched his cheek. "I think you have understood how I feel about you" he said softly. "Love is too strong a word, and I don't dare to use it – yet." Gregorij said nothing. He didn't draw back, and Boris noticed it and put a hand on his arm. "And you?"- "I don't know." Gregorij was surprised he didn't dislike it. Boris came closer, let his lips touch his cheek and kissed his neck behind the ear. Gregoij closed his eyes. His mind told him this was wrong but his body didn't seem to mind. It felt good. But then he withdraw. "No" he said "I have never thought of anything like this.." – "But you didn't mind". Boris was not going to let him get away easily. He lifted Gregorij's chin and kissed him. First there was no reaction, then Gregorij kissed him back and put his hand on his friend's chest. But when he tried to pull him closer Gregorij drew back again. Boris sighed. "I woun't force you" he said. "I just hope that one day you will want me, as I do you."

Gregorij looked at his friend. He was handsome, and attractive, just as Susan. Perhaps they were a little alike. "I don't want to feel pressed" he said "but I do like you too, you know that." He stroke over Boris' hair. "I'll go home now, if you don't mind."

Gregorij and Boris continued working, enjoying each others company. Their performances were successful and also Nina had successes. "I find you more relaxed and less tense" she told Gregorij. But she still had no success in trying to court him. Gregorij and Boris spent much time together and by and by Gregorij gave in – to a certain point. When they were alone they kissed and caressed but nothing more. Rumours spread of course.

When summer grew nearer Boris said "I will go to Paris this summer. Would you like to accompany me?" Gregorij hesitated. "I am note sure what to do yet." Then he received a letter from Susan, telling him about her trip to America and her plans to go back in the autumn. This made up his mind to go to London in August. "Before summer, could you and I go on a tour to the countryside?" Boris asked, and Gregorij agreed. They went to an inn. In the evening they sat in an arbour having a glass of wine, talking about life. Boris talked about his plans and wishes. "I strive for success, and for love, especially since I met you." Gregorij was more hesitant. "The only love I have experienced so far has caused me pain." – "How do you feel for me?" – "I don't know if it's love – but very near." He had decided to let whatever could happen in the evening happen, and when Boris asked him to come to his room, he did. Seeing a glimpse of his well trained body under his open shirt awoke lust in him, and he closed the door behind them.

The stronger was his remorse the next morning. "What have I done?" – "What are you afraid of? We are not the only ones." – "But I couldn't imagine me.. and she.." – "You think of your secret love? Woun't you tell me who she is?" – "I could never do that. More for her sake than mine. " – "You can never have each other?" – "Never." – "Then I should be satisfied, because I can have you for myself." – "I will not be bound." – "You will not. You come to me whenever you like. I hope you will return to Bolsjoj in the autumn and don't go anywhere else." Before they left they kissed again. "I'm so grateful" Boris said "You know that."

When the theatre closed for the summer Gregorij told his family that he intended to go to London to see Erik and Susan. "I'ts been a long time" he said "and I really long to meet them."- "Give my regards ro Richard" Irina said. "If would be nice meeting him again."

Susan had a lot of plans for the theater she was hoping to open in Fort Appia. She looked forward to meet Henry Proctor's relative and his company. She expected the purchase would be finished in the end of September and planned to leave in the beginning of the same month. Erik promised that he and Eleanor would come visit her in November together with Jeanette who was to sing at the Metropolitan again.

Gregorij had announced his arrival in London till the beginning of August. Susan was nervous. She couldn't imagine how it would be like to meet him again. Should they stay in her apartment or should they go to Winston? She decided to meet him at the station. The sight of him descending from the train made her happy and she smiled relieved. He smiled too, but not as cordially. They hugged and he was a little tense. "We had better go directly to Winston, they wait for us" she said and they entered a smaller train. They sat down opposite each other. "How ar you?" she asked. "I'm fine. I have been successful. We have a new choreographer who has increased the quality of the ballet. We work very well together and have become friends. And you?" – "I really enjoyed the trip to America and have decided to go there again. I will run a theater together with some friends of mr Proctor." – "Will you stay long?" – "I don't know for how long. I might settle there. You could come too if you like to."- "It's a long way to go." She held out her hands and he took them between his. "It depends on what you want, if it's worth it" she said. "Have you met someone else yet?" he asked tentatively. "No, I haven't tried. Have you?" – "I have, with a friend of Irinas, but I had no luck." He was serious. "Is there something else? You seem to hide something from me." – "No.. I don't want to talk about it now. Susan.." he bent forward and kissed was nobody else in the compartment so she put her arms around his neck and kissed him back. "We had better go to Winston or you will never know what happens." – "But you will show me your apartment? Promise?" She felt unspoken prospects come to mind and she realized that she still loved him. "I promise."Before they left the train she said "I have told father about us and he has promised not to tell."

The reunion with the rest of the family was cordial. Gregorij told Richard that he had greeting for him from Irina. "You must go see her sometimes. Or at least send a photograph." Richard was flattered and a little embarrassed. He hardly remember the girl.

Erik was very pleased to see his son again. "I am glad every time I meet you. At my age you don't know for how long you will live."- "You still seem very much alive and strong. I think you will have many years ahead of you."

Gregorij had read Erik's story about his life and was both impressed and moved. They talked about Susan. "I hope she will like it in America" Erik said "that she develops the way she wants and will succeed. I sympathize with you both and I hope you handle your feelings with care .. and that you can move on." – "Father" Gregoij said a little hesitating "have you ever been interested in men – romantically I mean?" Erik shook his head. "Never. Why do you ask?" – "No special reason." – "You haven't been forced into something?" – "No, no. It's just that I have seen it."

Susan played her compositions to Gregorij and he enjoyed listening. They went for picnics and had a good time. One morning Susan said "Today I plan to show Gregorij my apartment in London. We will be back for dinner." Erik didn't look pleased but he said nothing. On the way to London they were happy like children but by and by Gregorij looked more depressed. "What is the matter with you?" Susan said as they had entered. "Are you scared of what will happen? Let's take this reasonbly. One last meeting, then we part."- "It's not that" he said. "I find it so difficult to tell you. Let's look at your apartment first." They had a look around and he admired her decoration. Then she sat down by the piano and played some Russian folk songs. "Can't you tell me what's bothering you?" – "It has to do with my capability to love." He rose and pulled her on to her feet. "I must see if I can love you again." He kissed her hard. "What do you mean?" – "I have done something I have never done before." He went to her bedroom and sat down on the bed. "I feel divided. I didn't even know I could – and I did enjoy it." – "What? Have you loved another woman after all? You said you hadn't.." – "No. Not another woman - a man." Susan gasped. "Are you shocked? You see – I can never do it right – first I love my sister, then I love a man." – "Who?" – "Boris, the choreographer. I said he was my friend – he is more than that." – "Do you love him?" – "I don't think so. He has been the one to push this, it has happened only once. I don't even know if I want to continue – but how could I not? We work together, we enjoy each others company." Susan cradled up into his arms. "Don't be ashamed, little Gregoij. Do as your mind tells you. You and I have no future anyway. Unless you come to me in America." She kissed him but he still didn't move. "What can I do to wake you up?" she said softly. Then he saw her. "Nothing. I'm awake now. Nothing can stop me from loving you now."

"I belong with you, I still feel it" he said, resting in her arms. "You must stop feeling that way, because this was the last time. Return to you Boris or find another woman." – "Do you really mean that?" Slowly she rose from the bed. "Yes. I feel I have to move on. If you will not accompany me to America I must break my bond to you. I'm seeking a new life and really look forward to meeting the theather company. Later on you could perhaps come to visit."

Gregorij stayed in London until the end of August. Jeanette came to London to perform in her father opera "Tintomara" at Covent garden and Gregorij admired her voice. "We all seem to have got marvellous gifts from our father" he said to Susan. "Yes, perhaps it's to compensate him a little for his deformities and for all he has suffered."

When Gregorij left for Moscow he was still very uncertain about his future.

Susan packed her bags and said goodbye to her family. "We will come to visit you later on" Erik said. "Now we all wish you good luck."

Author's note: I thought perhaps Susan and Gregorij could have a child together – but I didn't dare.


	2. 1909 autumn Susan Erik

**1909 autumn**

**Susan, Erik**

"Louis and Madeleine have already gone to Fort Appia to look at the house" Henry Proctor told Susan, as he greated her on her arrival to New York. "I lent them a key." – "So you did, did you? Just remember it's my house." – "Do you mind? I told them to stay in the basement." Susan laughed. "Of course I don't mind. When are we going?" – "I thought tomorrow. I have booked room at the inn until you get time to buy some furniture for the house."

They arrived the next day. The scenery was beautiful with the colours of autumn and the high air. "I might like to stay here" Susan thought. They entered the upper floor. The rooms were empty but she liked the plan, rooms at sides and a salon in the middle, leading to a terrace. The view showed forest and a lake nearby. "So my father built this, I can imagine that." She opened the door leading to the basement. The stairs were rather steep. They went down and entered behind the stalls with the stage in front. Henry called upon the persons standing on the stage. "Louis! Madeleine! Now we are here!" Henry went first and Susan followed. "May I present the owner of this house – Susan Leroux and my relative Louis Malcolm." Louis, darkhaired and a lot taller than Susan took her hand in a firm grip. "Welcome! But then it's not for me to say to you. I'm very happy to meet you." His smile was warm and his eyes glittered. "Thank you. I have heard a lot about you." – "Nothing but good things, I hope". "And this is Madeleine King" Henry said "Louis' companion and the primadonna of the company." Madeleine had golden eyes and her hair was a mass of brown curls. "Hello" she said. "Nice to meet you. You look exactly as I had imagined." -"How do you mean?" Susan asked. "I mean elegant, cool and composed." She studied Susan's knot of hair. Susan smiled "I have temper to, don't you think otherwise." She looked around. "Well, what do you think so far?" – "I have studied the premises" Louis said "and thought of how to change it. I had thought.." – "You had thought?" – "I had thought to suggest, that we make it look a little more like the original cave. A larger stage, an orchestra pit .."- "and a lake" Susan said. "A lake?" – "Yes there was one, long ago."

They studied the premises for some time and then went for lunch at the inn. "I have to furnish the upper floor" Susan said. "Would you like to accompany me to New York to buy some furniture, Madeleine?" – "That would be just wonderful." - "I can bring my company here to rehearse and play in a month" Louis said. "We just have to finish a play in Philadelphia first. I have an idea for a new play, which we could discuss later. I write the lyrics and you the music – if you want to."

Later on as they had returned to the villa Louis said "I would like to stage – I would like us to stage" he said after a glance from Susan "something dramatic and romantic with beautiful music. Not a melodramatic thing like the last play that was performed here. I have thought of an intrigue. My mother, who is French, although she moved to Canada when she married my father, once had a very strange experience. She attended a performance of a newly written opera, don Juan, at the Opera populaire. That particular evening the composer appeared on the stage and eloped with the primadonna, evidently just having killed the male actor. He was a known figure at the time, though all didn't believe he existed – the Phantom of the opera, they called him." Susan felt the blood leave her face. She looked at Henry, who slowly shook his head. "This would be a romantic and touching story. And the cave is a perfect stage for this." – "But if" Susan said faintly "this is something that really happened, then you have to talk to the persons involved –you can't just impersonate them." – "This would be a fiction, based on a true story, and we will change the names – but of course we will have to ask their permission. The primadonna, and the man who saved her, if they are still alive." Susan rose to her feet. "Have you talked to Henry about this?" – "No, I got the idea not long ago, it was my mother who inspired it." – "Then I must tell you something" Susan said. Henry looked at her attentively. "I know the primadonna from the opera. Then she was called Christine Daée, now she is countess Christine de Chagny. She is married to the man who saved her, Raoul, and they have a daughter, Jeanette. She is an opera singer and she will come to perform at the Metropolitan in October." –"That's perfect!" Louis said "then you could ask her if she would like to be impersonated in our play. I presume you can no longer ask the Phantom himself." – "Well" Susan said "it was long ago. She could consent. I will send her a telegram and ask her." Her thoughts went to her father. What would he think of this? "The idea is good. What will you call it?" –" Not the Phantom of the opera anyway – perhaps The Ghost?" – "And you would play the ghost?" – "Of course" -"I haven't yet heard you sing" Susan said "That will be very interesting."

In the evening Susan talked to Henry alone. "What do you think your father would say to this?" he asked. "You have to telegraph him immeditely – try to be diplomatic – say that I believe in the idea. It's been so long since it happened and by many it's only believed to be a legend. I don't think it could hurt him any more. But you must change the story a little, try to influence Louis."

The next day Susan and Madeleine went to New York to buy furniture and they also went to the telegraph office. Susan tried to express herself clearly and diplomatically. She sent one telegram to Christine and one to her father. "Who is Erik?" Madeleine asked. "My father. He is a friend of the countess', I thought he could advise her too." - "I could never imagine you know people who have had such dramatic experiences" Madeleine sighed enthusiastically "and you know the daughter as well."

Madeleine was impulsive and talkative and the young women had a good time togehter. "Will you stay in the villa alone? I still live with my parents when I'm not travelling. We do a lot of tours with the company around America and Canada as well." – "How big is the company?" – "About 15 persons including the stage staff." – "What do you usually perform?" - "Operettas, like Oklahoma and the Show boat, and sometimes operas like "die Fledermaus". We have a lot of good singers." – "But Louis plays the leading parts – and you?" – "Louis is the primus motor of it all, without him it wouldn't work. He is a good writer and also a talented singer. " –"How is he as a person?" – "Energetic, enthusiastic, clever – but also a little self-centered. He is aware of his own value."- "Is there something going on between you two?" – "Well, there was, in the beginning. I admired him of course. But nothing came out of it and now we are just friends, very good friends."

After a couple of days Susan got an answer from Christine "If Erik allows it, so will I" she wrote. And Erik said "It could be interesting. Myth could replace reality for ever. I trust you to make the best possible of the situation." The work commenced. Henry ordered a piano for Susan and she moved to the villa as soon as the furniture arrived. She composed the music and Louis wrote the lyrics and they worked very close together. She tried to steer the plot as she wanted it and while composing she felt how Erik would have liked it. The company arrived and began to rehearse. Susan listened with fascination to Louis and Madeleine singing. He had a warm and full baritone and she was a dramatic soprano. The third main character Philippe (i e Raoul) was performed by a tenor. Since Louis was in the play Susan helped directing and found it interesting. One time as she saw him on the stage, emerging from darkness, wearing a white mask, she shuddered. It was really frightening.

They looked at the stage. "We really ought to have a lake here" Susan said "if it would be possible." Madeleine tried to understand her character Charlotte, who is fascinated by the Ghost and has to choose between him and Philippe. "You write so wonderful music" she said. "I admire you for your talent and for your personality." Susan was flattered but at the same time found the praise a little exaggerated.

They worked hard and intense, sometimes it was good and sometimes they had their differences. She admitted to herself that it was stimulating working with Louis. They also managed to get a fake lake. The premier took place in October. The evening before Louis asked Susan to dinner. "I would really like to thank you for the good time we have had working together" he said. "It has exceeded all my expectations." – "Is that so? Well I can't complain either." – "You have conquered me totally. I didn't know there were women like you. I find it hard to imagine not working with you." – "Just work?" She smiled. He reached for her hand lying on he table and touched it slightly. "I dare not hope for anything more yet, do I? I admit it's hard to think of any other woman in your presence." She moved her fingers over his. "You affect me too. Madeleine says you are a man who attracts women. But it's not only that you are handsome to look at", now he blushed, " it's your talent, your devotion." – "Your'e the one to say that. You are the artist here, I don't undertstand why you waste your time on us when you could be touring giving concerts." – "Perhaps I don't want to" she said quietly.

As they rose from the table he said "If it were in former days I would do like this", lifted her hand and kissed it. "But now there are modern times." She wondered if he should kiss her on the mouth, but he didn't. "Will not Madeleine be jealous if you go out with me?" - "Not of you, anyway. Of me, in that case. Haven't you noticed how she admires you?" – "I have – but surely not in that way?"

The theater was sold out for the premier. Henry had advertised in New York and in the surroundings. Susan saw it for the first time from the auditorium. It was fascinating and screary. Louis made a very portait-like image of Erik as he could have looked at that time. The musical performances were perfect (only Madeleine overacted a little) and Susan enjoyed all the voices. Afterwards the ensemble bowed in front of the curtain. Louis called for Susan and presented her for the audience "Miss Susan Leroux from London – the composer!" Henry shook the hands of the whole ensemble, thanking them. Louis, dressed as the Ghost but without his mask, hugged Susan and gave her a quick kiss on the mouth. Her heart took an extra beat. It could not be possible – was she going to fall in love with him, forgetting Gregorij so soon? Madeleine hugged her too and pressed her cheek against Susans – it felt a little disturbing. Was it because what Louis had told her? "Let's all go home to rest and celebrate tomorrow" Henry said. The ensemble stayed at the inn or in nearby rented cottages. "Will you sleep all alone upstairs?" Louis said and Susan wondered if he had wanted to join her. "No, Henry stays here for tonight" she said. "Good night, see you all tomorrow."

The play had good reviews. The theater company was known from before and now they were praised for giving an new, different performance. After the second performance the ensemble had a celebration dinner at the inn. Then Henry Proctor returned to New York. Before he left he and Susan talked about opera. "The Met will give "Tintomara" in a couple of week, then your parents and Jeanette will be here."

They continued to play with all tickets sold. Susan felt she had to do something more and started composing again. "I will find you some libretto for a new show" Louis said. "Or perhaps I'll compose other things – like my father." They continued to meet on a daily basis, she sometimes attending the show or he coming up talking with her and sometimes they had lunch together, but there was no more romantic talk and they never touched. Susan thought it was as well, but she couldn't help thinking of it anyway. "Are you not planning going on a tour through America giving concerts?" he asked her. "No, at least not yet. I feel I have to improve." Madeleine wanted her to compose songs for her to sing. "I love your music" she said.

In the end of October Erik, Eleanor and Jeanette arrived in New York. They were to stay until after the first performances of Jeanette as "Tintomara" and then come to visit the villa and see the performace of The Ghost. Susan went there to meet them. They has some pleasant days together sightseeing in the big city, where Eleanor had never been. Jeanette was much appreciated in her role. "You can hear that she is the daughter of the known French opera singer Christine de Chagny" the critics wrote. Nobody wrote – or knew – that she was also the daughter of the composer.

"How is it going with your theatre?" Erik asked. "We had a busy time composing and setting up the play, but now when it's playing I have to find new inspiration. Perhaps you can help me?" They managed all four of them to stay in the villa, since Susan thought they had the right to. When they had arrived Erik sat down at the piano and played for the rest of the afternoon.

In the evening they went to see the performance. Susan thought it was better not to warn the ensemble. They hid in the middle of the audience and were not seen from the stage. Erik found it very strange to watch a person on the stage, impersonating himself and expressing the feelings he once had. He wondered if it was Susan who had given the Ghost his character or if it was Louis. It also felt relieving in a way, as if it all just had been a play.. He also wondered if there was someone somewhere, besides his family, who could connect him with this figure. Louis made a exceptional performance. "He is talanted, that man" Eleanor whispered. "I like your music" Eriks said. He had some difficulty though to recognise Christine in Madeleine's character. When the actors bowed to the audienec Louis spotted Susan. "It's time to say hello" she said. "I have told them about your mask, but still you could expect curious glances." As they made their way towards the stage the man responsible for the lighting accidently turned all the light off for a moment. When the light was turned on again there was a scream from the stage. "The Ghost!" Madeleine cried "he has come to take revenge on us!" She stared at Erik, who stopped. Susan went up to her. "What do you mean? This is my father. I told you he had a mask." Madeleines face turned red. "I'm so sorry, please forgive me, I was still in the play.. " she turned around and left the stage. Louis approached them, still wearing the stage clothes and the mask. He greeted Erik politely and studied his mask. "Well there aren't many other ways to make them" he said. "I am very pleased to meet Susan's parents. Let's meet again when we have changed our clothes." Madeleine returned. "I'm so ashamed" she said. "I must say hello to Susans family." She took the hand of Eleanor and Erik and then turned to Jeanette. "Imagine you are the daughter of Christine de Chagny" she said. "I so would like to hear you sing."- "You can come to New York one evening" Jeanette said.

Just as Louis was about to go backstage a voice was heard from the auditorium. "Louis, hello! Here I am. Will you not say hello to your mother?" – "My mother is here. I didn't know she would come so soon." He helped her up on the stage. She was an elegant lady, seeming slightly older than Eleanor, emanating a scent of perfume. You could see she was French. She smiled at Louis and then she looked at Erik. For a moment she frooze. They held each others gaze for a while. She couldn't help the memories coming to her mind, this man really reminded her of a long time ago.. But this was an old man. Old but not bent. Of course he had to have grown older too.. Erik looked at her without moving, though he felt chill creeping down his neck. Louis looked at his mother. "May I introduce you to mr Erik Leroux, Susan's father. Catherine Malcolm, my mother." Erik took her hand. "Don't be afraid of me, madame. This play was inspired by your story from the Paris opera, nothing else. My likeness to the character is just a coincidence." – "Is that really the truth?" Now she sounded not frightened, but amused. "Considering your daugher is also involved." – "I assure you, madame." He understood she did perhaps not believe him. "That is the official truth anyway. Then anyone is free to have their own opinon."- "I am very pleased to meet you" Catherine Malcolm said. "What are you two talking about?" Louis said. "If I had known you would come, mother, I had made arrangements. I met Susan's parents just a moment ago. I didn't know he resembled me so much in my character." – "That's perfectly fine, Louis. It's even interesting." She greeted Eleanor and Jeanette and then turned to Susan. "So you are the one who has caught Louis' interest lately? I mean professionally. I know my son is a good writer. But your music is brilliant. It helped the story at the weaker parts.." – I agree with you" Erik said. "The music is a success" – "and the musicaliy she has got from you?" – "Yes madam. I'm a composer. Have you heard any of my operas? Tintomara is playing at the Metropolitan right now with miss de Chagny in the leading role." – "Perhaps I have heard something you wrote" she said quietly and he wondered if she meant Don Juan.

Louis and Madeleine came back having changed clothes. "Let's go to the inn for supper. Do you have accommodation there, mother?" She nodded. "And the rest of you?" – "We stay at the villa with Susan."

Susan was afraid that the atmospere at the dinner table would be tense when so many of them didn't know each other, but that was not the fact. Catherine held the conversation going, interested in many thing and asking many questions. Susan and Louis were sitting side by side and he whispered "I'm glad our parents get along so well." – "Is there a mr Malcolm?" Eleanor asked. "Alas not. Louis' father died many years ago. He was a cousin of Henry Proctor's and dear Henry has been like a father to Louis."

Later on in the villa Susan and her parents discussed the evening. "I don't know if I like the story being shown to everyone after all" Erik said. "I don't think this will hurt you" Susan said "and mrs Malcolm - if she suspects something I don't think she will tell. "- "You could ask Louis to beg her to be discreet." – "Louis – then he will also understand. I don't have much influence over him." – "Perhaps he understands" Eleanor said "I saw him looking at you." – "You just speculate" Jeanette said. "It doesn't really matter."

Susan, Louis and Madeleine accompanied Eleanor, Erik and Jeanette back to New York to attend a performance of Tintomara. Before they went Jeanette had a private conversation with her sister. "I don't know how you feel" she said "but if I were you I would be utterly delighted to have a man like Louis around me all the time." – "I feel priviliged. But otherwise – I don't know – I must not rush things.."

Madeleine very much appreciated to hear Jeanette sing. "I would like to be able to sing like that" she said "but I know I can't." Susan said godbye to her parents and to Jeanette, who would return to Europe in a couple of weeks, and returned to fort Appia.

As Christmas approached Susan said " I suppose the show will take a break and the ensemble go home for the the holidays. "I would like to stay with you" Madeleine said "but I promised by parents to come home for Christmas." "I will visit my mother for a couple of days" Louis said "but then I will come back to, if you want me here."

**1909 Gregorij**

Gregorij returned to Moscow in August. He brought home greeting from London and Erik and his family. He told them about Susan and her plans to move to America. "She really is a go-ahead-girl" Anna said. "I hope she will have success whatever her plans are. Will you go and visit her?" – "Perhaps" he said. He knew that Susan didn't want him to. This should be the break-up between them.

When the opera season started Gregorij and Boris met again. After the gathering of the ensemble they went to Boris office. "How was Paris?" Gregorij asked. "Interesting. It would have been still better if you had accompanied me." Gregorij felt Boris looking at him. "And how was London?" – "I met my father and his family and that was fine. And her.." – "Does she belong to his family?" Gregorij didn't want to mention Susan by name. "She was there with them." – "And?" Gregorij looked his friend in the eyes. "She is going to America. She will free herself from me." Boris went for two glasses of vodka from his private bar. Gregorij emptied his. "It's as well. The further away she is, the better." Boris was quiet for a while, then he said "Have you missed me?" Gregorij looked at Boris and felt the attraction still remaining within him. "Yes" he said. Boris touched Gregorij's cheek. "Would you like to come home with me?"

Gregorij stayed the night. He realized that he would probably do so many other times to come, and he was satisfied with the idea. But it still wasn't easy. A relationship like this was as illegal as it would be with Susan, but at least Boris could take care of himself, and Gregorij didn't feel protective against him as he had done with Susan. In this relationship he felt protected – and vulnerable.

Susan spent Christmas alone at fort Appia. On Christmas Day she went to New York to look at all the decorations. A letter arrived from Gregorij. "I wish you a Happy Christmas wherever you are and whoever you are with. I had perhaps thought of coming to visit you, but I believe I'd better not. I am satisfied with life for the moment, living in a near relationship with the person we talked about in August. I am happy. My family knows about it and says nothing. I hope you have found something meaningful to do and that you find someone to care for. Love Gregorij"

So he was happy with Boris – in spite of the problems. Had she found something meaningful to do? Would she continue with the theater or giving concerts instead? The theater was, after all, Louis' concern.

On New years eve, just before lunchtime, she stood at the glass door facing the terrace looking over the snowy landscape. A faint sun spread it's reddish shine over her dark hair. She was not yet dressed but wore a white dressinggown. She was lost in thoughts and didn't hear steps coming up the stairs from the basement. He shut the door quietly. The sight of Susan at the window, dark hair and a light dress against the blue sky filled him with yearning. He went up to her and took her in his arms. Surprised she winced. "Louis?" He radiated chill and freshness. He put his hands around her face and whispered "I love you", then he kissed her. She felt thrown of her feet but did soon give in. She put her arms around his neck and kissed him too. Had she not been longing for this? Then he let her go. "Well that was a surprise" she said. "I'm sorry to be obtrusive but I couldn't control myself." He took her hands. "While staying at home with my mother as I have always done, I realized I was thinking of you all the time, wondering what you were doing. I had to come and see for myself. Susan, I love you. Will you marry me?" Susan let go of his hands. "I don't know. It's very sudden." She looked away. "I'm not so sure of my feelings yet. Of course I'm attracted to you. But to get married – I don't even know what I'm going to do, stay here or travel.." He put his hand on her cheek to make her look at him again. "You don't have to feel any pressure. Think about it. But I want to continue working with you and I don't want you to leave here. Have you thought of me? " As she didn't answer at once he said "or do you have someone else?" Now she looked at him. "I have had someone else. He just sent me a letter saying he is happy and wishes me someone to care for." – "It's alright then. You are free.." – "But - I don't want to be tied up.." She looked away. "I'm sorry if I have ruined our good relationship so far. I thought you perhaps love me too." She put her hand on his sleeve. "But I do. In a way. No pressure. Don't ask too much of me yet." She leaned against him. "Your'e so delicate" she said and touched his cheek with her lips. "Promise me not to take advantage of the situation that we are here alone together. I don't want to do anything I will regret later." – "As you wish. Let's just kiss. I still have won half a victory." They let go of one another. "What do you want to do today?" She smiled. "Let's go to New York."

The spent New years eve in New York and had champagne at the stroke of twelve in a small café. Slightly intoxicated they returned home by cab and Susan had difficulties opening the door. Louis helped her take off her coat and then took her in his arms. "I want to share the new year with you" he said "and the coming years too." It sounded very good to Susan. He kissed her fervently and she let her hands slip into his soft hair. He kissed her neck and the recognised the excitement. Suddenly she stopped. "No" she said "we shouldn't." It was not to protect her virginity, since she had already given that away, but she was reluctant to give herself up to him, to let him get the better of her, when she still wasn't certain he was the one she wanted. Deep inside she didn't want to give up her freedom, loose her identity. "You can't come to my bedroom, not now. There is a guest room, you can take that. Thank you for a wonderful evening. Good night" She closed the door right before him, leaving him a little surprised. Then she locked it, as much for her sake as his.

She woke late the next morning. She left her room and heard him playing softly at the piano. The sun shone into the room. She went up to him, put her hands on his shouldes and kissed his hair. "Good morning. I'm sorry I closed the door on you last night. Have you slept well?" He turned to her. "Excellent. You have all the right in the world to close your door. I respect you. It was perhaps for the best. Good morning my darling." He kissed her. " There are tea and sandwiches in the kitchen." They went to the kitchen were he had laid the table. "You are not only a great actor and a good musician, you are also domesticated.." – "yes and nice too. Quite a bargain, I would say." She laughed. Surely he was everything a girl could need?

"The ensemble will be back in a week and then I will go back to the inn" he said. "Or do you want me to move there now?" – "It would look the best" she said. "But unnecessary I think. If you promise to stay in the guest room at night."

"As long as the audience keep coming we will play 'The Ghost'" Louis said one of the next days. "Then perhaps later in the year you want to go on a tour again?" Susan said. "Or will you stay here?" Louis sat down on the arm of the chair where she sat. "That depends on you. Do you want a theater in your basement?" He kissed her cheek. "I don't know. And I don't know what I'm going to do either. I haven't composed much. Perhaps I should give concerts instead?" He kissed her mouth. "I want you to stay with me" he said. She was quiet for a while." I will continue trying to compose a sympony" she then said "and songs for Madeleine. And draw houses again." – "Draw houses?" – "Yes I have some education in architecture, an interest inherited from my father." – "Like the music." He rose. "My mother is convinced it was your father she saw at the opera in Paris at that time – that he is the Phantom of the opera." – "And what do you think?" – "I don't know. You have neither confirmed it or denied it." – "Do you think he would confirm it if it was true? Look upon it as a tale, that's for the best for all parties. I think your mother understands that too." – "You are so diplomatic. But, if it was true, the performance must have been like a shock to him." She shook her head. "Maybe, maybe not. He is used to it." –"You love him very much?" – "Yes, all my talents I have from him. And I feel I have to continue my heritage. I have to compose."

Susan has a good time for the rest of the week before the ensemble came back. Louis made breakfast and also made himself useful in other ways, and she felt it could be nice living with him. One afternoon the idyllic atmosphere was interrupted. Susan heard a car coming and then there was a knock at the door. She went to open. Outside stood Madeleine, her cheeks red by the cold. She hugged Susan and kissed her cheeks. She handed over a small gift. "Merry Christmas" she said. Then she saw Louis. "So you are here too? Ar you writing something together?" – "Not yet" He rose. "Was your Christmas good? Do you want something to eat?" – "Yes please, tea would be nice." She looked after him, then saw the guest room with his things lying around. "Does Louis live here – with you?" Susan smiled. "It's not like you think. It's just practical. When the ensemble returns he will move back to the inn." – "But there is something between you?" – "Perhaps. We'll see." – "I thought of you" Madeleine said "being here alone for Christmas. Evidently not as alone as I believed." –"Louis came on the New year. Do you want to hear some songs I wrote for you?" They went up to the piano. Madeleine read the texts as Susan began to play and soon she was singing. Louis looked at them from the kitchen door. Now was not the right time for tea. Madeleine sang a love poem and looked at Susan. Louis knew he had a rival for Susan's favour.

The theater continued to play The Ghost. Madeleine learned the songs Susan had composed for her and later in the spring she had a concert in one of New York's minor concert halls. She was very nervous but Susan gave her a reassuring hug. It was a great success and the audience appreciated both the singer and the songs, especially one about unhappy love.

Susan was busy composing on the upper floor and Louis and Madeleine took terms to accompany her whenever they had time. Susan was aware of Madeleine's love for her and felt it damper her own feelings for Louis. She finally made up her mind to do something different and asked Henry to schedule concerts for her for the autumn. She also contacted a music teacher to help her prepare for the concert tour. Beside this she also asked around if there was any architecture firm who was interested in someone designing small romantic houses.


	3. 1910 Erik Susan

**1910**

**Erik in France**

After the Christmas holidays the Covent Garden wanted to perform Tintomara with Jeanette playing the leading role, so she went to London. "Do you know what?" she told her father "The Paris opera wants to play Tintomara too. M Lasalle has heard about the success it had in New York and also here in London, so he wants it in Paris too. Then you could go there. M Lasalle claims he saw you once – in connection with the return of the Phantom – he saw you in the audience. I think he wants to forget about that incident, though." – "That would be a tardy revenge" Erik said pensively. "To stage a play in Paris. I would like that." – "It was years since you last were in Paris. Mother says she hasn't seen you for a while. She misses you." – "I know. I miss her too."

In March Erik accompanied Jeanette to Paris to meet with M Lasalle. The director was a little hesitating, not knowing quite to receive him. "Why have non of your works been played here in Paris, mr Leroux?" he asked "Why have you stayed in London all those years, since you are no doubt French?" – "Let us say I didn't get along well with the former owners. And I haven't written so many operas. Tintomara I think is the only one worth playing." Jeanette was not present at the meeting and Erik told him in confidence why miss de Chagny was close to him, that she was in fact his daughter but that was not official, and M Lasalle promised to keep the secret.

When the rehearsals had started and the premier date was set, Erik went to his villa in Caen. He admired the view, hearing the wind blowing around the house and he was thinking. At last he was accepted even here in France. The next day he got company. "Too long you have avoided me" Christine said. "Now you only see my daugher. Am I too old?" He pulled her against him and took her in his arms. "Nonsense. Instead it is I who am too old. You have a husband your age, why would you want me?" – "You are never old to me" she stroke his hair. "I'm glad you live happily with Eleanor – do you?" he nodded "and I with Raoul. But still it's so wonderful to meet you every now and again." They kissed. "Now sing for me" he said. "Only if you play." He went to the piano and soon the villa was filled with music – and it sounded as good as it had always done.

**Spring in London**

Richard went to boarding school, and when he returned home for Easter holidays Eleanor read him a letter from Susan. "At the moment I am having great success as the female architect planning small houses for newly wed couples. Of course I compose too. I have a good time over here. Frequently courted by a certain mr Louis Malcolm – but I keep him at bay." – "I'm so glad for her" Richard said. "I could perhaps go visit her sometimes." – "You could perhaps, but not right now" Erik said. "I just had word from Anna – in a month the Bolsjoj ballet will come to London for a guest performance." – "Which means?" – "That we will meet Gregorij and Anna and Igor again, and Irina, who was interested in you, Richard." He sighed. "What if I'm not interested?" – "Will the ballet master, Boris Gadenskij, come too?" Eleanor asked. "That would be interesting." – "I think he will come. But I don't know if I like it-" – "It's not like you to be prejudiced" she said teasingly.

Jeanette came from Paris to meet her brother. She could tell everyone that Tintomara was a great success at the Paris opera. Erik and Eleanor wanted to invite the whole family to dinner when they had arrived. They also invited Elisabeth and Charles Hargate and their son Robert, a few years older than Richard. "Anna asked if Irina could bring her best friend Nina to the dinner too" Erik said "so there will be two young ladies for the young men."

They were a big party for dinner. Anna introduced Boris Gadenskij who greeted them all almost shyly. Jeanette gave him a dazzling smile. Gregorij and his half-sister hugged cordially. Igor introduced the two young women, stunningly gorgeous in bright yellow and green dresses, wearing flowers in their hair. Both Richard and Robert found them beautiful. Eleanor had put Boris at her side on purpose, since she was very interested in talking to him. Jeanette sat on his other side and when Boris said he had been in Paris, she was interested and soon they had an intense conversation. Erik looked at the company. He still felt it strange to be part of such a big family, let be that they were not all related to each other.

It was the new generation performing and they all admired Gregorij, Boris, Nina and Irina dancing. They also had time to go out dining at restaurants with dance floors. Jeanette wanted to dance with Boris. "I very much appreciate to dance with someone as skilled as you" she said. "You are a very charming and romantic woman" he said "You must have many admirers. Is there anyone special?" – "Not really. I used to see a young man here in London, at the moment he is in Paris playing in Tintomara. I also had a breathtaking experience in New York with a man I met in Paris some years ago – unfortunately he's married. But I can't say that I truly have been in love. How do you feel about Gregorij?" – "I love him. You are not especially alike, you and your brother?" – "No, but we are only half-siblings. I think Gregorij is more like Susan." – "Susan?"- "Our other half-sibling. She is Richard's real sister, the daughter of Erik and Eleanor." – "Where is she now?" – "She went to America." – 'To America' Boris was about to say ' that's where.. ' but he said nothing.

The "older" generation didn't always attend the performances, and one evening a very famous violonist was going to perform at the concert hall. Igor was especially interested to attend this concert and Elisabeth bought tickets for them all. After the first item Anna began to moan saying she didn't feel well. Igor was worried. "I would like to go back to the hotel" she said "but I know you really want to attend this concert. Perhaps Erik could take me instead?" Elisabeth convinced Igor that this was a god solution and Erik accompanied Anna to the hotel. "Please stay with me until the others are back" she said, "I don't want to be alone." In the suite where the family Ragavich stayed they sat down in a sofa and Erik asked "How do you feel? Do you have a headache?" He poured her a glass of water. "It will soon pass" she said. "Please stay and wait for me, I will just go and change." He began to read a newspaper. After a little while she returned, dressed in an white negligé with a swan's-down collar, leaving her shoulders bare. Her blond hair fell down he back. She looked exactly like the night, twenty-two years ago, when he had come to her room.. He rose. She came up to him. Of course she was older, but still as slender. "You look exactly like.." – "It's meant to" she said. "I always regretted it happened just that one time and never more. You must agree I have never ever been a nuisance to you. Now I think I earn a reward." – "Anna" he said softly "I was old then and I'm still older now. I can't offer you much." – "You don't know that. " She managed to bring forth a bottle of champagne and two glasses. "Cheers, Erik, to us and a late reunion." He still hesitated. "But the others?" – "The concert will not end for a long time yet. We have time." He took a sip of the champagne. She took off his mask, then she kissed him. He put his arms around her. The lovelife with his wife was not so frequent any longer and he had to admit that he was excited by the feeling of her body next to his. She began to unbotton his shirt. "I think we will be forgiven for this" she whispered in his ear as she draw him into the bedroom. He followed, like last time.

She rested her head against his chest and he caressed her hair. "Well it was not quite the same, I can admit that" she said. "On the contrary , I thought it was rather good." he said "I'm not that old, obviously." She kissed him. "Imagine Gregorij knew what his old parents have been doing." – "You woun't tell?" – "Of course not. This is our secret. I don't think Igor or Eleanor should know either." – "Did you plan the whole thing? You were not ill at all?"- She shook her head. "How could you know it would work?" – "I admit I had an accomplice. She helped me. " – "Who?" – "She would never tell. Elisabeth." He smiled. "Of course, you knew each other then.. and the story about her and Michail. How is he now?" – "I believe he is happy with his wife and children." She sat. "Perhaps we have to go up, they might be coming any time now." He kissed her. "Thank you Anna. I hope you feel better now and don't think of me as the one who ruined your life." –" I never have. You gave me Gregorij and many fine memories. I remember when you hid me in the organ when the police hunted me – and when I saved your life when that persian tried to strangle you." – "It's been a lifetime. I have led many lives." They hurried up dressing and when the others arrived they sat in the sofa, drinking champagne."The concert was marvellous" Igor said. "Do you feel better now?" – "Much better, thank you. The champagne and Erik's company cured me." – "Champagne?" Eleanor also looked suspicous. "It's late" she said. "Let's go home." When Erik passed Elisabeth he winked at her and she winked back.

**Susan – spring and summer**

Susan sat at her drawing table when Madeleine sought her company. "I would like to sing something for you" she said "and I would like you to play". Her voice was tense and Susan looked at her. "What is it?"- "It's a poem from Catullus, perhaps you have read it. I think you could improvise the chords."- "Let's see" Susan said and sat down at the piano. "I have written the melody" Madeleiene said, handed a copy of the text over to Susan and began to sing. "Ille mi par esse deo videtur, ille si fas est superare divos, qui sedens adversus identidem te spectat et audit, dulce ridentem.." (That man seems to me like a god as he sits opposite you and may see and hear you softly laughing..). Susan put cords to the music and Madeleine sang it again, more intense. "Do you know who wrote this?" –"Yes, you said it was Catullus" – "Yes, but from the beginning it was a love poem written by Sappho, the ancient Greek poet, which she wrote to another woman. Susan, for how long do you think I can stand seing you and Louis together knowing you don't want me. I love you. Tell me you are at least a little interested in me." She sat down on the piano-stool and lay her head against Susan's arm. Susan didn't move. She felt sorry for her friend. "I always listen to you and you can always be here with me."- "But I want you to be mine" Madeleine said. Susan touched her hair. Madeleine bent forward and tried to kiss her and Susan rose. "You see, you can't even think of that, you feel disgusted." Madeleine rose and went to the terrace door, which she opened. At the same time Louis came up the stairs from the basement. "Here is your lover now, stick to him, don't you care about me" she said going out on the terrace. "He is not my lover.." Susan began to say. "What's going on?" Louis asked. "It's Madeleine.."- "No, it's Susan who made it clear to me that I have nothing more to live for.." Hastily she climbed over the terrace fence and stood on the edge, the yard far below her. Louis went out to her "Madeleine, what are you doing, come back!" – "Don't come near me or I will jump." – "What do you want from me?" Susan tried to plead. "I do like you. "- "No you don't. You two can have each other, I will not stop you."- "Please don't jump, come to me.." Louis moved very slowly towards the fence. Madeleine looked down, became dizzy, looked at Susan again and took a step backwards. "Think of me" she said and then she fell. Susan screamed. Louis ran outside and down to the yard. Susan threw herself at the telephone and called for an ambulance. Then she went out. Some of the ensemble still lingering in the theater had come out and gathered around, one of them who used to be a nurse kneeled at Madeleine's side. Someone had put a coat over her. She was conscious and moaned. "I think she has broken a leg, I can't see anything else" the nurse said. Susan also kneeled by her side. "I'm sorry" Madeleine whispered "I didn't mean to". Susan took her hand. Madeleine smiled, then her head fell to the side. She had fainted. Susan rose and Louis put his arms around her. Soon the ambulance came. "Do you want to accompany her to the hospital?" they asked and both Susan and Louis did.

Madeleine suffered from concussion, a broken leg and some small wounds. They had to explain what had happened and Susan told them it was an accident. "We have to notify the police anyhow" the doctor said. They returned to the villa and cancelled the performances for a couple of days, then the understudy of Madeleine would perform. Louis made a telephone call to Madeleines parents. Then they sat down in the living room. "I didn't think she could do a thing like that" Susan said. "I knew she was in love with me, but this seems a little eccentric. I could never love her the way she wants. "- "Perhaps she didn't really know what she was doing. I think she regrets it." – "And now? Shall we continue to play?" – "We finish the season, and then we are finished with this play." They rose. Susan went up to Louis and put her arms around his waist, looking up to him. "What will you do then, Louis?" she asked. "Go on tour with your company?" – "What will you do, will you stay here?" He put his hands on her shoulders. "Susan, come with me. Or let me stay with you." She kissed him hastily. "No, I think you should go on a tour and I will stay here, I have to think about this a little more. Then we meet again in the autumn." He bent his head. "I will do as you say, but I don't like it."

I the beginning of the summer Madeleine left the hospital and went home to her parents. They were hostile towards Susan and Louis who they blamed for their daughter's action. The police filed it as an accident.

The plans for the summer were that Louis and the company would toured all over America playing operettas. Susan was to remain at the villa, composing and rehearsing for her concert tour, which was to start in September. Louis took Susan in his arms and kissed her. "I hope you have decided when I come back" he said. "I still want you to be my wife." – "We will see about that" Susan said.

In the beginning of the summer Susan had a letter from Richard, who told her that he had plans to come and visit her in August. "I will bring Robert and Elisabeth" he wrote. "She would very much like to see the villa again where she spent a happy summer (together with our father!)"

Susan planned for a lonely summer in the villa. Therefore she was very surprised when one day she had a telephone call. It was Madeleine. They had talked a couple of times to make sure there were no discords between them. Now Madeleine said "I want to ask you something. Could I spend some time at the villa, as a holiday? I'm still a convalescent. Just to relax, I need to get away from my parents." – "But they don't like me. " – "I told them it was all my fault. I am so sorry for all the trouble I caused." – "And your feelings for me? You know I can't love you." – "I promise you I will never speak of it again. I will be your friend. It's such a nice villa." – "Alright then, I could need some company. If you stay until August you will meet my brother and some friends of ours."

One hot summer's day Madeleine came and installed herself and all her bags in the guest room. Then she sat down in the hammoc on the terrace, laying her crutch at her side. "Now I'm going to sit here for the rest of the summer, and you will serve me – if you don't mind?" – "Not at all, as long as you let me work in between." In the evening they watched the sun set. "It's good to be here" Madeleine said. "Don't misunderstand me. I will not try to force my feelings upon you again. In a way I have resigned." Her eyes were blank. Then she said "And what about you and Louis?" – "I sent him away. It's not that I don't love him. I just feel that if I give in to him I have to give it all, mind, body and soul." – "And you don't dare? You are not lovers yet?" – "No. But I have been tempted." Madeleine smiled "I should advise you to take him, of course – but the part of me that never gives up hope doesn't want you too. As long as you are not married I can pretend that a part of you belongs to me." Susan held out her hand and squeezed her friend's.

The summer was different from what Susan had imagined. The two women became friends. Madeleinde was also serious and frank and talked about herself. "I haven't really been in love with a man" she said. "On the other hand not in a woman either – until I met you. Perhaps you are like an androgyne, you know like Tintomara". Susan had thought just the same .. she had attracted Gregorij, who then fell in love with a man, she attracted Madeleine. But no, her own feelings were obvious. She had been attracted to Michail, a real Don Juan, and now to Louis.

Susan played and Madeleine sang, Susan drew and Madeleine read. They sat together in the hammoc enjoying he sun. Madeleine also made walks exercising her leg and one evening she was very tired and sat down in the hammoc. "Please get me something to drink, I feel tired." They had some cool white wine and Madeleine put her head against Susan's shoulder. "You smell good –spicy." She kissed Susan's cheek and then turned her head and kissed her softly on the mouth. Susan didn't draw back. Instead she parted her lips trying to give some response. The kiss was a short one, then Madeleine moved away. "Thank you. This will not happed again, I promise." Susan touched her friend's hand. "It's ok."

Susan also rehearsed for her coming concerts. Soon it was August. "Should I stay or go when your relativs come to visit you?" Madeleine asked. "I would like you to stay. They can sleep at the inn." One afternoon they came walking up the hill. Susan embraced Elisabeth. "You are most welcome! It's good to see you." – "And you. You look healthy – very tanned." – "Have you walked?" – "From the inn. Richard wanted to rent horses but I wanted to walk. This place looks the same!" Robert came up to her and kissed her cheek. "It's been so long." Richard came last. "Good to see you, dear sister. So this is how it looks." Susan showed them into the house. "I have a visitor, a friend of mine who belong to the theater company. She has been a convalescent after a accident." Madeleine came to say hello. "I heard you used to live here. Does it look the same?" Elisabeth looked around. "I think so. I remember the view" she went to the terrace. Richard and Robert introduced themselves, then they all went to sit on the terrace. Susan made coffee and they stayed all afternoon, talking. They had much to catch up with. Richard enjoyed very much talking to Madeleine. Elisabeth went down into the basement to look at the theater. "It doesn't at all look like it used to" she said. "Then it was like the cave, the real one, but smaller. Erik and I went out in the boat – and then, well, it was here we found our love."

They stayed for dinner. While Susan prepared it in the kitchen Robert came out to her. "How are you?" he asked. "I'm fine, I'm playing, I'm composing and I really enjoy it here." – "What about love?" Susan blushed. "You haven't thought of me, I suppose?" – "There was never anything between the two of us, was it?" – "Not really, except that you always, when we grew up, were the only girl I admired. You always were a little older, more mature, had travelled more. Now at least I'm taller than you." – "We always played as sister and brother." – "No, Gregorij is your brother" – "and you were always jealous of each other."- "and now?" – "I heard you courted Irina, Gregorij's sister." – "But that was just for fun. You have a suitor?" Susan looked away. "Yes, Louis has asked me to marry him. I wanted time to think and now he will soon be back. I have missed him." – "Do you love him?" – "I think I do." The dinner was ready and they brought it out to the others. "You could be attentive to Madeleine instead" Susan said to Robert. "I'm too late. Your brother has already started." Later in the evening he guest went to the inn. "I like them" Madeleine said "especially your brother. How old is he?" – "He is only seventeen. He is sure to be a danger to the girls when he grows older."

Susan had a letter from Louis. "The tour will end by the end of August" he wrote. "Then I will come back to you." - "Then we will be gone" Elisabeth said. They stayed for a couple of week, having a good time, and then they took farewell. "When will you come to London to pay us a visit?" – "Perhaps for Christmas." When they had left Madeleine said "I will go stay with my parents for a short time before the autumn season starts. Thank you very much for this summer."

Susan was alone again. She had contact with Henry Proctor, who had booked her in for the concert tour. One afternoon there was a knock at the door. Behind a hugh boquet of flowers Louis entered. Susan felt her heart beat. She invited him in and as she put the flowers into water, they watched each other. "How was your summer?" he asked. "Good. And yours?" – "A lot to do. I have missed you. Have you missed me?" She nodded. Suddenly she was in his arms and they kissed for a long time. "Susan, do you love me?" – "Yes I do." – "Do you want to live with me?" – "Yes I would very much like to do that." – "Will you have dinner with me at the inn? My treat."

Susan dressed up and they went for dinner. At the dessert Louis took out a small case. "I ask you again, Susan Leroux, do you want to be my wife?"- "Yes, Louis Malcolm, I will." He opened the case and took out a ring with a sparking amethyst, which he put on her finger. "Then you could consider yourself to be my fiancée." – "How beautiful. Can we make it official?" – "If you like. Can I come home with you?" – "No you better stay here. Now as we are engaged we could as well wait until we are married." He made a wry face "Is that your opinion?" – "I'll think about it. You are welcome to the villa tomorrow." She went home alone. She was not quiet ready to give up her freedom just yet.

**Susan - autumn**

"The theater company will rehearse and play a couple of plays here in the villa this autumn, is that ok with you?" Louis asked "Even if you are not involved, I mean." – "That is good. We need the income. And then you keep an eye on the house while I'm on tour." – "Will you go on with the concert tour all autumn? Is that a good way to start an engagement?" – "I can't break my contract. Besides – if we have waited this long, we could wait a little longer." – "I don't want to wait for you" he said and took her in his arms. When the embrace became too hot she drew back. "Please, I want to wait." She wondered for how long she could try his patience. She told Louis that Madeleine had spent part of the summer in her company and that they now were friends. The theater company gave the newly engaged couple their felicitations. Susan had spread the word to her parents, and later on she received telegrams from Jeanette ("what did I say?") and from Gregorij. He told her that he and Boris had been to Paris in the summer and paid a visit to Jeanette. "I heard she had an offer to sing at La Scala in Milan" he wrote.

It was with a heavy heart that Susan said goodbye to Louis. "I'll see you in three months" she said. "But then we will not part again, I promise you that." Henry Proctor accompanied Susan on her tour. "Since you are engaged to Louis I feel almost like a father to you" he said.

This was a new experience to Susan, travelling around America, giving concerts in the big cities. She was praised wherever she came. The travels made her tired but she was very content with what she was doing and felt that this was perhaps her calling. In the beginning of November they reached the west coast and Los Angeles. She often thought of Louis and wondered what he was up to – playing operettas and missing her? "I am pleased that we have now made it half way" she told Henry. "Why? Don't you enjoy it?" – "Yes I do, but I miss Louis very much."

In the evening as she entered her hotel room the door was not locked and she was surprised. "Are they cleaning at this time of night?" she thought. In the room a table for two was laid and there was a bottle of champagne on ice. She took off her coat and said in a loud voice "What secret admirer could it be to court me like this?" – "Only your fiancé" he said coming in from the other room. "I couldn't wait for you coming back, I had to intecept you. I have travelled day and night. Now I want to celebrate your success!" She threw herself in his arms "What a wonderful surprise!" They sat down at the table to eat. "It's good to see you" she said. "Can they manage without you?" – "I put in an understudy. And Madeleine minds the house. She seems at home in the villa. She asked me to take good care of you."

After supper they sat in the sofa. "Do you have a room at the hotel?" Susan asked. "No" he said and lifted her chin with his fingers "I thought my fiancée could house me during my stay." She stiffened. He kissed her. "You are not afraid of me, are you? Don't you want me to stay?" She smiled. "Of course I want you to. I'm just afraid .. to give myself up. But I'm stupid – I love you, of course I want to belong to you." – "You said I was not your first love" – "No but you are the one I want to marry." They rose and embraced. She caressed his neck. "I was afraid" she whispered "that you wouldn't come up to my.." – "that I wouldn't come up to your expectations? That I would not be a better lover.." He kissed her again "Don't be afraid – I am all you ever dreamt of" he said leading her softly to the bedroom.

Susan was awake when Louis opened his eyes the next morning. "You were satisfied at last" he said "but it took it's time". – "And it required it's man" she said laughing. "Now I know you are all that I need. I'm so glad you came." – "And now I leave you again."- "You have given me strength to continue – now I'm on my way back to you again." They spent the day seightseeing in Los Angeles and Louis attended the concert in the evening. Henry was surprised to see him, but said nothing. On return to the hotel Louis said "I did in fact book a room at the hotel but I didn't tell you last night. You didn't miss my baggage?" – "I didn't think of it. Shame on you to fool me like that." – "You deserve it. To keep this gift from me for so long."- "But you were all the merrier when you got it!"

Susan was satisfied to wake up at her fiancé's side. After a couple of days he went back to the east coast and she continued the tour. "I will be home in time for Christmas" she said. "This time we will spend all of it together. And perhaps invite you mother." – "She would very much like to meet you again."

On her tour back the rumours of the talanted young pianist had already spread, and Susan was praised everywhere. Winter had come as the returned to New York. They took a cab to the villa and arrived after dark. It looked beautiful with the snow all around and lights shining from the windows. "It feels like home" Susan said. "It is my own." – "Which you will share with your husband once you get married." When they entered Louis and Madeleine sat by the fire. "How idyllic" Susan said. "One could almost think you two are a couple." Louis rose and embraced his fiancée. Madeleine also rose and looked at Susan. Her eyes were sad. "Don't mock me" they seemed to say. She asked if she should give her room up and go to the inn. "Don't" Susan said. "I'm sure Louis will let me share his room for tonight."

When they were alone Louis said "Now we can start planning for the future." – "Yes, you move in with me, we buy a larger bed. And then – we continue to give performances at our theater – and what will I do?" He put his arms around her. "No, I don't mean work. When are we going to get married?" – "Are we in a hurry? We just got engaged." – "Do you believe in long engagements? I want you to be mrs Malcolm, Susan." – "Am I to be the first one to get married? Well, perhaps Gregorij never will, and Richard is too young – but Jeanette? Will I marry before her?" – "What do your parents say?" – "They are very unconventional. They didn't marry until they expected me." – "We will not have it like that." – "No, because I don't want children for a long time yet.."- "Is that what you think?" –"I'll talk to my mother" Susan said. "Perhaps we could go to Europe to get married."

There will be more chapters – about Jeanette and about Gregorij again.


	4. Jeanette

**I know this is not about Erik. But I wanted to tell about Jeanette, who is his first born daughter. The chapters about Jeanette, Susan and Gregorij will all have the same purpose – they lead to Erik's grandchildren.**

**Jeanette **

When Jeanette was eighteen she began singing in the chorus at the Opera populaire. Soon her excellent voice was recognised and the she got soloist parts. Having inherited her musicality both from Christine and from Erik she soon had great success. She sang the parts in which her mother had performed, Mimi, Tosca, Aida. Later on she also performed in her father's opera Tintomara, first in London, then in New York and in Paris. For many years her carrier was all to her, and she didn't give romance and men much thought. When she was 22, Raoul had an aquaintance visiting from America, a lawyer called Daniel Archer. He was in Paris looking for a lost love, which he found but who didn't want to come back to him. Jeanette found him attractive but she had no chance, since mr Archer returned to New York and to his wife and family. When she performed in London she met a young man called Andrew, but her feelings for him were not serious. When she went to New York to sing for the first time Daniel showed up at a performance, and without telling anyone else Jeanette had a rendez-vous with him. When she returned in the autumn she went to his firm to look for him and so they met again. Their meetings and their romance was a short one but it was a intense experience for Jeanette – he invaded her mind and it was very difficult for her to think of anyone else. When she returned to play Tintomara in Paris Andrew was there to play with her, but she didn't feel enough for him to let herself be involved. In the autumn of 1910 she was for the first time invited to give guest performances at another opera house for a longer period. She was then 28 years old and still very much unmarried.

It was the known conductor Silvio Enrico di Palma who was to come to Paris to listen to Jeanette and decide whether she was good enough to come sing at La Scala. Both Jeanette and Christine waited in excitement. "Maestro di Palma hasn't been at La Scala for so long" Christine said "but he has worked in other cities and not always at opera houses. He's around 55 years old so he's been active rather a long time."- "You haven't met him before?" – "Never, I've heard of him though. He is talanted and demanding, like many of his kind." Even m Lasalle was a bit tense. "He is very famous you know" he said. "It would be good for our opera if he likes mlle Chagny."

Before the performance they heard a foreign voice at a distance, then he came to greet them. Jeanette studied him, taller than she had thought, furrowed eyebrows and a charcteristic nose, his hair black with a lot of gray in it, rather long. He took Jeanette's hand an smiled. "So this is the promising young lady. Beauty and talent go hand in hand." She felt the warmth of his smile and half bowed, half made a curtsey for him. "I look forward to hear you." Then he turned to Christine. "Countess de Chagny. Beautiful like your daughter." –'Does he meen it or is this just empty compliments?' Jeanette thought. Maestro di Palma sat in the audience to listen to the performance of Tintomara. Jeanette was a little tense at the beginning, but soon she felt secure and she made her very best. After the performance he and m Lasalle came to her dressing rome. "I thank you for a wonderful performance" di Palma said. "I am very impressed by your voice. I will stay for a couple of days and conduct Boheme and Madame Butterfly and hear more of you."

Maestro di Palma led the rehearsals and had his own ideas about things. He was firm and Jeanette adapted herself. When the ensemble bowed before the last curtain fall he joined them and gave her hand a reassuring squeeze. Before he went he said "Now I will go back to La Scala to talk to the management. Be assured that I will recommend you, you have impressed me." Jeanette was very satisfied with the performances. Soon they had word that she was welcome for the autumn season at La Scala. "Do I dare go alone?"she asked her mother. "Of course you do. You are no young girl anymore. Think of Susan. "-"Good luck" Raoul said. "Hope you find some friendly aquaintances. Beware of the rivalry between primadonnas." – "Don't scare me" she said nervously.

When Jeanette arrived in Milan a week later she was met at the railway station by a somewhat plump, redheaded young woman. "Welcome" she said "I'm Annabella Strada, who will take care of you. Let's go to your hotel first." Annabella was easy to talk to and they went to the hotel having a good time. "We are all very curious of you" she said. "You made an impression on our chief conductor. They say you will sing important roles. I myself, being a mezzo-soprano, am always given the supporting roles." – "I feel comfortable having met you. Are there any intrigues behind the stage?" – "Perhaps. You will notice. We have divas and we have nice persons. Our leading soprano is now maestro di Palma's favourite. Perhaps she will feel threatened by you. But the largest diva is the maestro himself." Jeanette had washed and changed clothes. "Tell me about him."—"Are you interested? He's been at the opera for about ten years. Before that the was a conductor at several concert hall orchestras. He has a rumour of being a lady's man, at least when he was younger. " – "And now?" – "He has been married for several years, but they don't live together any more. They are not divorced though." – "And his favourite?" – "I don't know if she is that any longer. They quarrel, everyone knows that. Miranda Biello, that's her name, has got problems with he voice. The maestro suggested she should take some time off, then she was offended. " –"I need your support meeting the others, I think" Jeanette said.

They came to the opera in the afternoon and listened to the rehearsals of the performance of the evening, Tosca. Jeanette saw maestro di Palma on the podium, his hair flying as he conducted. When he noticed them he came to say hello. "Welcome signorina. I'm sorry I have no time for you right now. You could watch tonight's performance from beside the stage." – "I could present you for the others later" Annabella said. "But I can show you your dressing room."

They watched the performance and Jeanette was impressed by the music and the intense performance of Miranda Biello as Tosca. She noticed that her voice wasn't in good shape and sometimes it broke. You could see she felt bad and she complained about pain in her throat. After the performance they could hear hard words between the primadonna and the maestro and she left for her dressing room in haste. Di Palma went up to Jeanette and Annabella. "Did you enjoy it? Come and look at the set." They entered the stage. "It's my intention that you will be our next Tosca, signorina de Chagny. Would you like that?" She smiled. "Of course. If I don't stand in the way of someone else?" He shook his head. "Nobody as good as you. Signora Biello is indisposed and has to rest for a while. You are here at the right time." They met a couple of the singers still lingering.

The next day Jeanette met with the management, who told her just what maestro di Palma had said. "He will decide what parts you will perform in, we trust him." She met most of the ensemble and began to rehearse. Some of the singers made contact with her and others ignored her. She learned that di Palma had a large influence and could show up at any rehearsal, stating his point of view. Besides Tosca Jeanette also rehearsed Madame Butterfly, Mimi in Boheme and Pamina in Die Zauberflöte and also Tintomara. Since this was a whole new set di Palma attended it most of the time. He also supervised Jeanette rehearsing Tosca and gave her his criticism and also his praise.

"What do you think?" Annabella asked after a couple of weeks. "It's wonderful, stimulating. I feel his musicality – di Palma's I mean – I think we understand each other. "- "And the others?" – " I notice that some of the ladies don't even seen me – surely they look at me as a competitor. And the men – some of them court me. It's good Miranda is not here."

Jeanette rehearsed Tosca and Tintomara in costume but had not yet performed in them on stage. One night after a performance of Die Zauberflöte maestro di Palma came to her dressing room. She smiled at him in her mirror. "Do I live up to your expectations? Are you glad you brought me here?"-"Yes you do live up to my expectations so far.. " he went closer "but you don't really know what's expected of you - Jeanette." He put his hand on her shoulder and kissed her bare neck. She tried to draw back but he held her in a firm grip. "Don't you know there are other obligations to being the primadonna?" She managed to move away from him. "The others are already jealous of me. I didn't expect this from you.." – "What did you expect then? My old primadonna is gone, you are my new one. You are so beautiful Jeanette, I want you." She was flattered. "Not like that. Then you must earn me, make me interested in you, court me.." she felt she had him in her grip. Or.. "Do you think I have time for that? How would it work?" He took her wrist in a firm grip. "Are you disappointed I didn't give in at once?" she said, smiling but still a little frightened. "You witch" he said, grabbed her hair and kissed her fervently. He looked wild as he let her go and she breathed heavily. "Court me" she whispered "and go now." And he left. She hadn't expected this – not that he would show a personal interest in her – or rather use his right to seduce young primadonnas – and not that he would give in so easily. Neither would she have thought that she would like him to court her. 'You are silly' she told herself. 'He is old. There will be a scandal. But he is tempting '–and that kiss – she could still feel it's reverberations.

The next day he acted as if nothing had happened and gave her praise and criticism as usual. After the performance she found a bouquet of carnations and mimosa in her dressing room with a card signed "S". She remembered his first name was Silvio. The next evening she found a single orchid and a note "Can we dine tomorrow?" During the following day she gave him a furtive nod. They had no performance that evening and he telephoned her at the hotel. They met at a small restaurant. "It's not appropriate that we be seen together" he said "I don't know if the courting was such a good idea." They managed, however, to find small and hidden restaurant all over town where nobody saw them. They enjoyed each others company and he told her a lot about himself. She learned that his mother was from Poland and a cousin of Chopin's. She told him about her dreams. "I aim for the stars" she said. "And I could perhaps help you."

The premier of Tintomara was a success. The whole ensemble celebrated it and Jeanette stayed far away from the maestro not to arise any suspicions. After her first performance of Tosca she went alone to her hotel room, since she had no word from him that they were going out. When she was ready for bed there was a knock at her door. "The flowers were my camouflage" he said as he entered "I don't think they recognised me." – "What are you doing here?"- "Courting you. Have I made a good impression on you now, better than my first attempt to seduce you?" Jeanette shook her head. "It's not really like you – you have become too – nice." – "So I should have persued my intentions from the beginning?" Her negligé was just as decolleté as Pamina's dress and he put his arm around her waist and kissed her neck. Again she tried to withdraw but he didn't let her. He kissed her and she let her hands slip into his hair. She kissed him back, fervently. He lifted her and carried her to the bed. "No, I don't want to" – "Yes you will, you want to be seduced, not courted." – "You are wrong. If you hadn't courted me, I would never have wanted this." He pressed her to the bed "You can't fool me, I feel your heat." He kissed her neck "call me Silvio" – "Silvio" she whispered and began to take off his cravate.

She woke up smiling, completely satisfied. He sat up in bed, leaning against the bedstead. "Silvio" she said softly. "Thanks for tonight" he said and kissed her hand. "Do you have second thoughts?" she wondered. "No, I just wonder how to get out from here without being seen." – "You don't want to be seen? Then you will have to sneak out." She rose and put on her negligé. Getting out was his problem. He rose and dressed. "Tonight we play Boheme" he said. "Rehearsal at four o'clock. I probably don't have to say this, but then we meet as if nothing has happened – signorina de Chagny." Did he sound just a little embarrased? "Of course, maestro di Palma."

The next day Jeanette felt insecure what the night had meant. Was he satisfied now as he had laid down his pray? But their many evenings out had given her a quite different image of him. During the rehearsals they showed nothing that could arise suspicions. She went to the hotel after the performance and heard nothing from him. Was the dream already over?

The day after they rehearsed Tosca and Jeanette was absent-minded. Di Palma commented "Signorina, Tosca loves Cavaradossi with heat, where is your heat?" She made a perfect performance that evening. She stayed in her dressing room and finally he entered. He came up to her, lifted her hair and kissed her neck "Where is your heat signorina?" The kiss sent a shiver through her body. "Will you come home with me?" he asked. "Do you really mean that? Do you dare?" – "We take a cab. I don't dare to come to your hotel room again."

They entered a district with great ancient houses. The apartment of maestro di Palma was very impressive, with many rooms and old heavy furniture. "Have you lived here for long?" – "Long enough. I lived here with Giannina before she left." The salon was magnificent with a grand piano. "Are you playing?" – "As a conductor I have to". Jeanette saw a music sheet behind glass on one of the walls. "Chopin once wrote this for my mother - it's the original." He took her hand and went for the bedroom. That too was magnificent with a grand lit with a canopy dominating the room. "Not bad at all. I understand if you don't want to sleep alone in that bed." – "Do you want to share it with me?" She tilted her head. "What do I get in return?" He put his arms around her. "I can't promise you anything – but God knows I could promise you everything right now. You are so beautiful. Do you want to get involved with me?" – "You ask me? I would think you were the one who just took what he wants. Yes, I want to, you have enchanted me, I can feel you in my whole body." – 'Of course' she thought 'she was perhaps also influenced by the fact that he was famous.' Her fingers slipped into his hair again. "You are obsessed with my hair" he said. "Come". He lifted her and threw her on the bed and she sank down into the supple mattress.

She was surprised how easily she had forgotten Daniel Archer and Andrew, but making love to Silvio was so intense she forgot everything else. It took long before they fell asleep. As she woke up in the morning she was alone in the large bed. She looked around wondering where she was, then she remembered. 'I'm lying in the maestro's bed' she thought. 'what will this mean to me? Could I imagine this already when we met?' She wasn't sure he wanted their relationship to be known. But of course this would spread eventually. How long would it take? "Silvio, where are you?" It was so good to say his name. He entered, wearing a dressing gown. "Good morning my darling. Did you sleep well?" – "Marvellous." There was a negligé lying on the bed and she took it. Whose? Miranda's? "Breakfast is served in the dining room" he said.

Jeanette started coming to Silvio's apartment regularly. At work they gave nothing away, but eventually it was discovered and the talking started. She also felt it more and more difficult to hide her feelings. "What is it with you?" Annabella asked her. "Is it true what they say that there is something going on between you and the maestro?" Jeanette didn't answer. "You could at least tell me if you are in love with him?" She thought about this herself. Was this really love or was she just flattered by his attention? More than before she felt the envy in the air as some of the other female singers acted as she didn't exist. The contract was for the autumn only and she had no idea what was going to happen then. When they were together they never talked about the future and she decided to enjoy as long as it would last.

But it wasn't only the chief conductor's favour that made her famous. She made great performances and added new roles to her repertoire, like Desdemona and Santuzza. The gossip behind the scene increased and finally not even the maestro could ignore it. "We have a party for all the opera staff in the beginning of November" he said one day to Jeanette. "We could as well defy the hyenas and you come as my partner. If you dare to?" – "If I dare? It's your reputation. But of course I will come – I'm flattered."

As she entered the party, very beautiful in a splendid coiffure wearing an elegant grayish blue dress with silver jewellery and with Silvio's hand firmly gripping her arm, she felt as if she could defy the whole world. She got many compliments. Many of her colleagues asked her to dance and one of them said "Well, now you have shown once and for all that the rest of us don't have a chance – we can't compete with the maestro himself." Silvio danced with some of the other ladies, among others Adriana Orlando, the soprano who many had guessed would be successor to Miranda Biello, in roles as well as in favour, if Jeanette hadn't shown up. "I knew there was something between you" Annabella said triumphant. "Is he much in love with you? What will Miranda say when she comes back?"

Jeanette didn't bother about the comments now that her position was confirmed, and nobody dared speak ill of her in the presence of the maestro. She moved some of her personal belongings to Silvio's apartment and she also got a dressing-table. She met his housekeeper, a discrete elderly lady,who began conversation with her. "You are very nice and polite, signorina" she said "not at all like the other lady maestro di Palma had coming here. Pompous she was. Nothing has been the same since signora di Palma moved out. He needs a caring soul, signorina, and that you are."

Jeanette was afraid that the press would write about them so she wrote a letter to tell her parent the whole story. In the end of November there was turmoil at the opera. Jeanette heard in a distance a loud row between the maestro and a lady. As she approached she also saw who it was. "I demand my roles back" Miranda Biello said. "Just because I'm recovering for a couple of months giving my voice a rest it doesn't mean you can give my roles to a newcomer, a parvenu.." – "Watch your tongue" Silvio said angrily "it's not I, it's the management who has invited signorina de Chagny for a guest performance and let her sing the roles." – "But you advised them, because she is you new favourite!" Silvio saw Jeanette coming and tried to silence Miranda, who turned around. "So you are the intruder – you witch! Taking my roles, infiltrating the maestro's mind.." – "I have only performed what I have been asked to do" Jeanette said, as she felt unfairly accused. "You could have them too, I suppose. " Miranda started to walk towards Jeanette. Around her neck she had an orange scarf with a big embroided M. "I don't think La Scala is big enough for both of us. And when you have the nerve to lay your hands upon my.." – "your lover, signorina? I don't think he is someone who will let himself be monopolized. He has his own will.." Silvio found the discussion embarrasing and tried to raise his voice but Miranda continued "You turned his head.." – "Miranda, enough is enough! Go to the management and talk to them about your roles." She tossed her head and left. The other artists had stayed quiet during the row. Silvio went up to Jeanette "Don't worry about her."

Later when they were alone she said "I understand her. I can't be easy to find oneself replaced. She feels threatened. "- "Her voice will never be the same again" he said. "You see. She feels inferior. And then I took her lover. Or – you took me." – "It was over anyway. We quarrelled, there are witnesses to that. I will not allow a woman to rule me. She had her whims." – "And I have mine? May I not rule you?" – "You dazzle me – at the moment you may do anything."

Miranda Biello had cured her voice and she returned to La Scala. She avoided the roles Jeanette performed in and kept to her own, La Traviata, Martha and Elisabeth in Tannhäuser. According to Annabella, Miranda and Adriana Orlando had always been rivals, now they suddenly were friends. One evening as Jeanette prepared to accompany Silvio home he said she couldn't, and she was surprised. She realised she should perhaps not overestimate her influence on him. The next evening she was welcome like before. She sat at her dressing-table, pulling out the drawers to look for hairpins, when suddenly a piece of cloth came out from one of the drawers. She recognised it, it was an orange scarf with an embroided M. Her cheeks turned red. Miranda had been here.. At first the jealousy struck her. But then she thought that it must had been put there on purpose – to make her jealous. As Silvio entered she asked "Was Miranda here yesterday?" –"Why do you think so?"- "I don't think, I know." She waved she scarf. "The bitch. She forgot it here on purpose. She just came to discuss her future, I promise. Now it is not as secure as it was before." – "I suppose I have to believe you." She moved to the bed. "But then, when I leave, I suppose she will have her position back" she said in a low voice. "Yes" he said "whenever that will be. I meant to speak to you about prolonging your contract, if you want to." She smiled. "Of course I want to." He lay down beside her and touched her face. "I couldn't stand you leaving me now." She leaned against him. Again she was unreasonably happy.

Jeanette and Miranda worked surprisingly well together. Sometimes there were small incidents, like things she needed were not where they should be, and at one performance of Tosca she felt a seam in her dress come apart, but she could never prove Miranda was behind this. She liked to listen to Silvio playing the piano and one evening she said "My half-sister Susan is a pianist. She is very talanted. At the moment she lives in America."- "Half-sister? How does that fit in with what you told me about your family?" – "Not at all." She went up to him. "I just didn't tell you the whole truth. Susan is the daughter of Erik Leroux, the composer of Tintomara. He is also my father, my real father, though I was raised by vicomte de Chagny. I didn't know until I was eighteen. We have got our musicality from our father, as has our half-brother, who is the son of a Russian dancer." –"A loose-living man, your father was?" – "No, he wasn't really to blame. Don't you have any children?" –" No. Giannina wanted to have, but we never had. And nobody has accused me of being the father of a child, so perhaps I can't have one. Do you want children?" –"I don't know. I wanted my carrier first. But I would like to have, sometimes. But then"she lowered her voice " perhaps I should be married." He was silent. She leaned against his back as he continued to play and whispered into his hair "I will perhaps be content with music."

The management decided to perform Falstaff. They had a great baritone for the leading role and Miranda was to play the female lead. Jeanette was also to perform, as Miranda's daughter. "Should I do this?" she asked Silvio. "I can't see why not?" he sounded a little irritated and she thought it better not to argue.

Miranda was was still kind to Jeanette and the rehearsals went well. Silvio was the conductor and they all spend much time together. Jeanette had to put up with seeing them working close together. The person acting as the suitor of Nanetta, her character in the opera, was a young tenor called Guido Armani. He was always at her side. "You are a better singer than all the others" he said. "You should have had the leading role." – "You can't deprave Miranda of everything" Jeanette said. "She has been here a long time." – "You have been so busy" Guido said. "I haven't had the opportunity to get to know you. Wouldn't you like to be courted by a younger man? Maestro di Palma is a bit old, isn't he?" – "I don't mind you courting me, but I promise you nothing."

The premier was to take place in the beginning of the next year. "I will go home and spend Christmas with my parents"Jeanette told Silvio. "You don't want to stay with me?" – "I will come back as soon as possible." – "Perhaps it's as well. Giannina and I usually have Christmas dinner together, the one time we meet every year."

Naturally Christine was interested in Jeanette's new life. "Tell me about you and di Palma" she said. "Are you happy? Do you love him?" – "I don't know. It's fantastic to live within his sphere. But I don't know if I can trust him. He says he will do anything for me, but he has never told me he loves me." –"He is almost thirty years older than you." – "That doesn't bother me. And you have nothing to say. Erik is thirty years older than you. You have been together when he was older than Silvio is now." – "Touché. But I have lived with Raoul and we are the same age." – "I'm not sure of anything. He talks about his wife 'Giannina and I use to have Christmas dinner', ' Giannina wanted to have children'"-"Do you think he uses her as a shield not to have to marry again?" – "Perhaps.. well I don't know – perhaps this will not last for long." – "I am still glad you at last have committed to someone – I began to despair about you."

Jeanette's younger brother André was engaged to a young baroness and they were to be married. "Imagine my brother marrying before me "she said. Christine also said that Erik had told her that Susan and Louis were going to marry in London in spring. "I'm happy for her" Jeanette said "Louis is a good man." In spring – where would she then be herself?

In January rehearsals began again. Miranda was still very calm, but too often for Jeanette's liking she was close to Silvio, laying her hand on his arm or whispering together with him. He told her he had a peaceful holiday. "You and Miranda seem to have become friends again?" – "She is nice to me, I don't have to treat her bad." Guido pursued his courting and when the pair of them in one scene hid in a large laundry-basket for a tete-a-tete, he tried to kissed her for real. She turned her head "Not so fast, my dear sir".

The opera had good reviews, although some of the critics didn't find signora Biello's voice as outstanding as before and would have preferred signora Orlando or signorina de Chagny in the leading role. Jeanette came to stay at Silvio's apartment every other day of the week. Soon their relationsship began to resemble that of a married couple, Silvio showing more of his temper, complaining of bad musicians, incompetent politicians and problems never solved. Guido on the other hand always made her laugh when they spent time together. She felt Miranda watching them. One day Adriana came to Jeanette and said "If I were you I would find out what happened during the holidays. I would try to reassure my position." She refused to say more. Jeanette was confused. Was this about Miranda? Why should Adriana miscredit a friend?

"I hear you appreciate the company of Guido Armani" Silvio said one evening as she sat at the dressing-table. "Who told you? Miranda? He is very nice. You don't mind my spending time with my colleagues? Are you jealous?" He smiled a little. "No" – "Then you could perhaps tell me what happened here during Christmas?" – "During Christmas?" – "They said.. no I don't know.." – "Just slander, my girl" now he smiled for real and streched out his hand for her "Whatever they say it's slander from envious colleagues." She smiled back not really reassured. Could she trust him?

Jeanette felt time passing and the end of her guest performance time approaching. She sat at her dressing-table opening the drawers and suddenly felt a strange fragrance which she didn't recognise. She forgot about it until the next day when she suddenly felt it again. Miranda had passed her at close distance. Miranda's perfume in Silvio'bedroom – she understood and was all of a sudden terribly unhappy. She was quiet the rest of the day an when they finally were together in the bedroom she said "Miranda has been here, I know." Her was silent. "Say something. Explain – or deny." He looked very unhappy. "I have nothing to say in my defence" he said. "She was here during Christmas, charming, friendly, "for old love's sake" – i couldn't say no. When you came back I wanted to stop seeing her but she said she would tell if she couldn't come here sometimes." – "And you have lived here, with both of us.." – "I have no excuse, I know you can't forgive me."- "I wouldn't have known – if it hadn't been for the perfume. For how long should it had been going on? She should perhaps have told me eventually.." He said nothing. "You have to choose" she said. "I will not share you." – "I have chosen. It's you I want. I beg you to forgive me." – "I don't know. I'm so badly hurt. I must think this over. After tomorrow I will not come here for I while. Now it's to late too leave but please don't touch me. Try to sleep if you can."

The next day she felt like crying but managed not to during daytime. In the afternoon she went backstage, saw the big laundry-basket from Falstaff and sat down in it. She began to cry. 'Should I quit and go home at once?' she thought. 'should I forgive him?' "What are you doing?" she heard a voice. "Rehearsing?" Then Guido saw her red eyes. He sat down beside her. "Has Miranda been mean to you?" She cried again and sobbed "I'm so unhappy. Silvio.. he was unfaithful to me." – "With Miranda?" He put her head against his chest. "Let me comfort you. He is not worth crying for." She couldn't stop and his shirt became wet. He stroke her hair. "Never trust the fine gentlemen." Finally her tears stopped. "Don't talk bad about him. " –"Why not? If he hurts you" he bent forward and kissed her wet lips. For a moment she responded. Then she drew back. "No." – "You still love him?" She rose. "What will you do now?" – "I don't know. You may be my support if you want to."

That evening she went to the hotel. The next day she saw neither Silvio nor Miranda during the day. In the evening the maestro turned up but the soprano was still missing. Adriana replaced her. After the performance Silvio tried to contact her but she ignored him. The day after Miranda still didn't show up and it was said that Adriana should perform in all her roles. Jeanette went to Silvio's office. "What have you done to her?" He looked up. "What do you mean?" – "I mean Miranda. Have you killed her or beaten her so she can't show up?" – "What are you talking about? Are you mad?" – "No, where is she?" – "I don't know. We had a row the day before yesterday, I admit that, we told each other many bad things and I said I didn't want to see her any more. Then she disappeared." – "But it's your fault as well. Don't blame it all on her." He looked devastated. "Jeanette, please forgive me." – "I don't know, not yet."

Miranda announced that she was home sick and wouldn't return in a couple of weeks. Jeanette felt that Silvio wanted her back but she wouldn't give in easily. She spent time with Guido but didn't let him take any liberties. Soon she found on her dressing-table every day a red rose and she began to weaken. She also had in mind that the end of her performance period got closer. One day he awaited her in her dressing room with a hugh boquet. When he stretched out his hand for her she came in his arms. "You have punished me so much already" he whispered into her hair. "Can you forgive me now?" She did. That night she accompanied him home and the heat between them was just as strong as before. "If Miranda returns I don't know her " Jeanette said.

Miranda did return. She still had people to support her and they thought her courageous to come back. She avoided Silvio and Jeanette as much as she could. But again strange things began to happen to Jeanette. Once she had a bad fall in the final act of Falstaff, and when she examined her shoes afterwards she saw that both heals had been tampered with. She told Silvio who got angry, but when he asked Miranda about it of course she knew nothing. When Jeanette had only two weeks left Silvio told her that Miranda had signed a contract with the opera in Sidney. "That's excellent" Jeanette remarked. "What do you think?" – "It's very good news, I think. Now hurry up and get ready for performance, I wait in the orchestra pit."

Jeanette powered herself richly in face and bosom when getting ready to perform. There was a knock at the door "Five minutes!" Then she felt her face sting, she looked in the mirror and saw that she was all red. Her neck and hands ached and she threw herself on the wash-basin and covered her face with water. She run into the next room, which was Annabella's. "Help me, it hurts! I have to see a doctor!" Annabella wet some towels and Jeanett pressed them to her face. "It's a little better. Please accompany me to the doctor." They left in a hurry. The doctor recommended Jeanette to go to the hospital and so she did. There they suspected that there had been poison in the powder and let her stay. Annabella returned to the opera and told Silvio all about it. He once more confronted Miranda, who first denied. But she had been seen leaving Jeanette's room, so there were proof this time. "I will not press charge if you leave La Scala immediately" Silvio said. "It'easy for you to judge" she said. "You are also to blame. You played with both of us. This is the revenge of a woman scorned. I don't wish you good luck because I don't think she will stay with you. You will grow old alone."

Silvio visited Jeanette at the hospital. "It was a kind of poison" she said. "I was lucky to get it off me as fast as I did. Was this Miranda's doing?" – "Yes, she confessed. She will not come back." – "I would prefer not to come either." – "You don't mean that? I can't convince you to prolong your contract further?" – "No, I want to return to Paris."

But she stayed and gave great performances for the last weeks. At nights Silvio was gloomy. "What about us then?" he asked. "Us? What do we have? You said when I came that being your mistress was part of the contract. Now I leave and you can get a new one." – "Don't hurt me. You know it didn't turn out that way." – "Do I know that? How much have I been able to trust you? Paris is my home." – "I will not leave La Scala" he said. She was sad too. It hurted to leave him. "You know where to find me" she said.

She said good bye to the ensemble. Annabella hugged her and promised to write. Guido kissed her on both cheeks. "I will come to Paris to visit you" he said "and if I don't see the maestro around I know it's worth a try." Silvio accompanied her to the train station. "Whatever happens I will come to Paris this summer" he said "and see if you remember me."

She was sad on the way home. But when she met her family again she was in a better mood. "André will marry in the autumn and Erik and Eleanor has invited us Susan's wedding in April" Christine said. She also wanted to hear about Silvio. "Tell me if you want to" she said and Jeanette shared her thoughts with her mother. "Either he divorces his wife and we get married, or we part and he finds another primadonna.." – "What do you want?" – "I don't know. I loved our time together very much – but for the rest of my life… I don't know."


	5. Wedding

**1911 – the wedding**

Eleanor had big plans for her daughter's wedding. She wanted it to be a grand feast, something to remember. "You are sorry that you never had a big wedding, like Elisabeth and Charles" Erik said. "Yes I am, now that I look back" she said. "But I know that is what you wanted. Now it doesn't matter. I would love to see Susan in a beautiful white wedding dress in a church, though." – "Have you asked her if she wants it like that?" – "We have discussed it and she doesn't mind." – "I'm glad. But it bothers me, you now. She is becoming conventional, marries, composing operettas, running a theater." – "How would you have liked her to be?" – "Independent, alone, travelling, giving concerts.." Eleanor put her hands on her husbands shoulders. "You are afraid she is no longer your heir. Even you have settled down." – "But not until I was old. She is so young." – "Louis might be good for her. They do things together." Erik was glad anyhow that Susan had found a man to love and had forgotten Gregorij. He missed the contact with his son and hoped that sometime they could see each other more often.

Eleanor checked the guest list. "Louis' mother will come from America, like miss King, she is a good friend both of Susan and Louis. From Moscow Anna will come, without Igor, accompanied by Gregorij and Irina. Can we invite Boris? As a friend of the family I think. From Paris there are Jeanette and André and his fiancée Vivianne. Christine doesn't want to come. Jeanette has no fiancé to bring. Then we have Elisabeth, Charles and Robert." – "What about Richard, will he bring a girlfriend?" – "No, he will probably not."

When Susan arrived in London she had been away for one and a half year. She was very pleased to meet everyone again. Mrs Malcolm looked forward to her trip to Europe, as did Madeleine, who had never been out of America.

Susan met alone with her father. She noticed that he had grown old. "Do you still compose?" she asked. "Yes, but not for the concert halls or the opera, only for myself. And I have written some ballet music for Boris Gadenskij. You know he is coming? Gregorij wanted you two to meet." "It feels so long ago since I met him, but it's not even two years." – "Do you miss him? Do you love him?" – "Only as a brother. I love Louis now." Erik looked at her for a while. "What about your work? Are you satisfied?" – "You mean that I compose music for the theater? I work for the theater now, it's me and Louis working together. But I promise I will start giving concerts again, and I'm working on an opera. And you? " – "I'm tired sometimes, but I think I still have some years left to live." He took her hands "Susan, if you have a child" – "I want to wait.." – "but when you have, I want your first son to be named Erik. I want him to inherit my talents, to continue the chain.. I want to continue living" – "You can't influence these sorts of things, can you? And it will also be Louis' son. He must decide too." – "You will have more children. The first one could be mine.." Susan sighed. "It will not happen yet, anyway. After the wedding Louis and I will go on a tour around Europe before we go back to America."

Jeanette congratulated her sister. Susan found her a bit distant. "Are you not happy for me? I thought you liked Louis?" – " I am, and he will be an excellent husband for you. I'm just worried that you marry before me and I'm no way near it." – "Would you like to marry?" – "I don't know. I would very much like to have Silvio by my side right now. But living together – who would adapt to whom?"

The Ragavich family arrived last. Anna and Irina said hello to everybody and Gregorij waited behind. Finally he and Susan met and when they looked into each other's eyes she could feel something deep inside. His hand trembled as they shook hands and she understood he didn't dare to hug her. "I'm so glad you wanted to come to my wedding" she said. "Good to see you again" he said. "Where is the groom?" – "He stays with his mother at a hotel – he can't see me before the ceremony." A man came up to them. "May I present" Gregorij said with pride in his voice "Boris Gadenskij, my boss and friend – Susan Leroux, my sister." Boris made a bow and smiled. "I have looked forward to this meeting" he said."Gregorij has talked a lot about you lately." – "I hear you are very talanted. My sister tells me you are also a pleasant person."

They all had tea in the sitting-room. Anna joined Erik, Irina asked for Richard and Boris talked to Jeanette. "A dressmaker is helping me with my wedding dress" Susan said to Gregorij "would you like to come?" They left for a small room, where he sat down, looking at the dressmaker working. "Tell me about yourself" Susan said and so he did. They both felt it was good to have this personal talk about past and present. When they were left alone for a while she asked about Boris. "So far it's good. We work together and live together. Everyone knows and nobody talks about it."

The day of the wedding they all met outside the church. Louis and his mother arrived and went into the church together with Richard, who was best man. Then they all entered and heard the organist playing the wedding march. Susan came down the aisle with Erik at her side. She was astonishingly beautiful and both Eleanor and Catherine Malcolm had to bring out their handkerchiefs.

After the ceremony they all embraced the bridal couple. Gregorij and Louis met for the first time and took a good look at each other. Before they went for dinner they all stood talking on the lawn. Madeleine approached Gregorij and Boris, whom she had met for the first time that same day. "I notice you look at Susan, you admire her. We have that feeling together, you and I." Gregorij looked at her, surprised. "What do you mean?" – "I mean we feel alike – for the same person." – "You are wrong. She is my sister." – "You can't fool me. But I woun't tell. They are very happy, you know" she pointed at Susan and Louis "he is very normal." Then she turned to Boris. "Will you not talk to me about Moscow? I would very much like to travel."

Susan and Louis planned to go on a honeymoon in Europe during the summer and return to America in early autumn. They left London a couple of days after the wedding. "I would like to go to Paris" Catherine Malcolm said. "Will you not accompany me, Erik?" – "I'm sorry, I will not. But you can go with Jeanette when she returns." – "I would like to do that too" Madeleine said "I always wanted to see Paris."

Anna and the other visitors from Moscow stayed for a couple of weeks in London before returning home. One of the last days Anna came to Erik in his study. She sat down beside him. "How are you?" she asked. "I have to admit that age finally has got me, I feel a bit tired. I lead a hard life when I was younger." – "But it's been much easier now, the latest 30 years." – "30 years! So many.. I'm glad I'm still strong. But I woun't travel any more, not to America and perhaps not to Moscow." She put her hand on his shoulder. "You will tell me if something happens to you?" – "Of course." They were quiet, then he said "I will go to Caen in August to meet Christine. She also worries about me, that she wouldn't be near me if something happens." – "You will have all your ladies around you until the end. Me, Christine, Eleanor. How does she feel?" – "She accepts. She is no longer jealous of Christine."

**In Paris**

Jeanette had a small apartment of her own in Paris. She invited Catherine and Madeleine to see it before they went to their hotel. It was small but tastefully furnished. They admired her "music room" housing a small piano and photographs of musical persons on the walls, including one of Christine and one of maestro di Palma, conducting. "Who's that?" Madeleine asked. "He is a conductor at La Scala. I worked with him last year, he is very talanted and famous." They had coffee in the kitchen. "I would like to hear you sing again" Madeleine said. "You may. The opera season is not over, I still perform." – "Would you think it possible for us to come and visit your parents?" Catherine asked. "I will ask. Perhaps they will not talk about what happened – but you could meet anyway." Jeanette found it strange that mrs Malcolms had really seen that performance.. What she thought about all this Jeanette had no idea of, but she trusted her discretion.

Jeanette had a talk with her parent. "I can't say I like it" Christine said "but it seems unpolite not to invite them. We will make the best of it." – "Mrs Malcolm is a charming person, about your age I think. She and Erik go on very well. Now they are also related. She might guess the truth, that he is the Phantom, but she doesn't say. Madeleine is a nice young girl. She impersonated you in the play and she admires my singing." – "That of course is important for you" Raoul remarked.

The American ladies were invited to dinner together with André and his fiancée. Christine greeted Catherine with a slight distance, but soon she had to give in. The lady was very charming. "Ever since I saw Madeleine portraying you I wanted to meet you" she said. She gave Raoul her hand. He looked at her at length, as if remembering something long forgotten. She looked at him, smiling. At dinner they talked about the wedding, about music and about Erik. "I very much appreciate being related to him" Catherine said. "I haven't heard of him or his music before. Now I know he is famous. And Susan has inherited his talent."

At coffee Catherine said "I understand that you wonder if I will bring it up – what we all think of. About that performance – it was so dramatic. We who sat in the audience really didn't see much – we heard you sing together, it was marvellous, and then you disappeared and the curtain fell. But we heard afterwords that you were saved. You don't want to talk about it?" – "Rather not" Christine said. Raoul had studied their guest quietly and suddenly his mouth fell open. He hurried up closing it again, but Catherine saw it. After a while she rose and went out into the hall, and a little later Raoul followed. "I noticed when you remembered me, vicomte de Chagny" she said. "Catherine Huet. I did recognise you at last. It was a long time ago." – "Thirty years or more. But you should, you know." She lifted her hand to touch his jacket but he shook his head. "And you recognised me?" – " I knew all the time it was you. Who renounced his irresponsible living to court the young opera singer and marry her after that Phantom- story." – "What happened to you, Catherine?" – "I met lieutenant Donald Malcolm and we married and moved to Canada. He died thirteen years ago. Louis has his looks from him and his musicality from me."-"You are not so bad-looking either." She looked at him. "I stay in Paris for a couple of days – if you want to see me" she said in a low voice. Jeanette came out to them. "What are you two talking about?" – "We knew each other a long time ago" Catherine said. "In the 1880-ies, before he met your mother. I was a cabaret artist and Raoul came to see me perform, more than once." – "Will you tell mother?" – "I suppose I have to. It was so long ago. She knew I was out and about before we began to be together."

Christine was content when the ladies said goodbye. Raoul told her about Catherine and she was not surprised. They stayed for a couple of days more and went sightseeing with Jeanette. Madeleine went to one more opera performance but Catherine was otherwise engaged. Later on Christine said that Raoul was out that night too, and Jeanette made her own conclusions.

Some weeks after the American ladies had left Christine said "I heard from M Lasalle that maestro di Palma will come to Paris to conduct at the end of this month. He asked for it himself and he has decided what operas will be performed. I presume he comes here to see you." Jeanette's heart made an extra beat. She wasn't really surprised. "He said he would come. What shall I do? Keep my distance or give in?" – "That's entirely up to you." She smiled at her daughter "No use being unhappy either."

When he came, it was to the opera. Jeanette met him together with the rest of the ensemble. The performance of the evening was Madame Butterfly and during the rehearsal he addressed her as mademoiselle de Chagny and that felt relieving. During the performance she pretended that he looked at her but she knew the orchestra had his full attention. After the curtain fall he waited for her outside her dressing room "When can we meet?" he asked hastily. "I have my own apartment. But not tonight, I'm tired. What about tomorrow?" He nodded and left. She was satisfied with herself for not being too obliging. The next morning she checked her apartment so it would look it's best and bought a little something for supper. The performance of he evening was La Boheme. Afterwards he showed up in her room with a single orchid. "How have you been?" he asked. "I've been fine. I attended my sister's wedding and met some of my relatives, my brother Gregorij for example. Otherwise it's been quiet here." She kept distance and he made no advances. On the way he told her about LaScala. "We lack a leading soprano now when both you and Miranda have left."

She showed him around the apartment and he looked at his portrait on the wall. "Would you like something to eat?" she asked. He looked at her. "I would rather like something else.." She felt the temperature rising. "Have you missed me?" he said. "Yes. And you?" In a few steps he was close to her and took her in his arms. She returned his kisses fervently and caressed his shoulders. "I have missed you" she whispered. "My Jeanette" he said with his lips against her neck. Slowly they went towards her bedroom. 'No use having good intentions'she thought as love swept her away.

"What now?" he said the next morning. "I wish we could stay here for ever, in bed" she said "but we can't. The world is all around us." – " I stay in Paris for two weeks" he said "then I go to Vienna and Milan. In August I will have my vacation. I usually stay at a small hotel in Liguria, near Genova. Would you like to come?" She was overwhelmed. It sounded wonderful, the Mediterranean, long shores, sun.. it was tempting. But could she? What would be her position? Mistress of the season? "I'll think about it" she said. "We didn't eat last night. What about now instead?"

Jeanette didn't mind if everybody noticed that they arrived together. Likewise it was no secret that they left together after the performances. During rehearsals they still maintained a strict attitude, which Christine appreciated. They walked all around the city. "Could we invite him home for dinner?" Christine asked. "Would that be suitable?" Raoul said. "It could give a hint that we approve of their relationship." –"We invite him as guest conductor at the opera" Christine decided "both I and Jeanette are it's most famous singers."

Maestro di Palma appreciated the invitation and the visit went well. There were many musical discussions and Christine found them interesting. Then she asked about his future plans. "I continue my work at LaScala" he said. "We would like to increase the repertoire, but unfortunately there is a lack of good sopranos at the moment. It would be much appreciated if Jeanette could renew her guest performance." – "I think the Paris opera have plans for me in the autumn" Jeanette said. "Then we must discuss about spring" he said "of course we will offer an apartment then and not a hotel room." – "Which you pay for?" Raoul said. "Which the opera will pay for" Silvio said calmly. But now Raoul couldn't stop himself from saying "I think it looks as you perhaps are utilizing my daughter. When will you make an honest women of her?" Christine was startled and put her hand on her husband's arm and Jeanette said "Raoul" in a resentful voice. "It's fair that you to ask, vicomte de Chagny" Silvio said. "Believe me, I do what I can. Jeanette must decide for herself. She might not want to became a signora di Palma." Jeanette gave a faint smile. She hadn't told her parents about the offer to go to Genova yet. "I will think about the guest performance" she said. Soon after that Silvio said goodbye for the evening.

"I mean what I said" Raoul said afterwards. "Just because he's famous he can't do whatever he wants." – "But he is right. There are two of us to decide. And I'm not so sure anymore." – "You have to give it a good thought" Christine said "considering his age. And answer me this – would you like to marry him if he was a fiftyfive-year-old stagehand?"

Silvio asked Jeanette about her parent's opinion. "It all went well until Raoul said what he said" – "But he was right. I want you by me, I love you" he said and took her in his arms. She leaned against his chest. "Oh, Silvio .. I don't know. Perhaps I don't want to be a signora. Let's go on just like this." – "Will you come to me in Liguria?" – "Yes I will, I already long for it."

The weeks went fast and he left, after deciding when to meet in Italy. When he had left she told her parents about it. They made arrangements to go to their country house in July and Jeanette was about to come too, when she had an unexpected visitor. It was Guido Armani who knocked at the door one day. "I would come if I didn't spot the maestro, and I can't see him around." – "He has already been here and gone." – "Then I'm too late?" – "For what? I haven't promised you anything. But we can go sightseeing in Paris if you like." When Jeanette told her mother she would stay in Paris in the company of a young man, she was interested. "You don't think of choosing him instead?" – "No, mother, we are just friends." They had a good time, since he was very witty and charming,,they went to dance and she enjoyed dancing with him. But when he tried to kiss her she said no. "I will not complicate my life."

In August she took the train to Genova. It was hot and she was tired. When she got out on the platform she felt the air from the sea and her mood rose. She looked around and suddenly she saw him approaching, wearing a white hat with a red ribbon on his grayish hair. He took her in his arms. "Welcome! Where is your luggage?" They went to a large black open car. "What's this?" – "A Cadillac, model 1910 – at your service."- "Is it yours?" – "What do you think?" There was no driver. Silvio drove his own car and Jeanette was surprised and admiring. It was shining. "It's quite new" he said.

They drove along the coast line and she admired the view of the Mediterranian. They passed through tunnels. "We are going to Savona" he said. They arrived at the hotel and went straight to the suite. "I have stayed in the same suite for many years" he said. "I return at the same time every year." –'And the staff is used to him bringing new lady companions every year' she thought. "Was Miranda here last year?" – "Yes she was." They went inside and then out onto a terrace with a view over the sea. "It's marvellous! " She felt the evening breeze. Silvio sat down at the piano. "Would you like to take a bath?" Jeanette slipped into the big bath tube of patterned marble. She felt her weariness and dirt disappear and almost fell asleep. Then she got up and went to dress in the bedroom. He looked at her as she passed but she didn't go to him – then perhaps they would not have had time to go to dinner. Later at night they met in the large bed and time again stood still, as always.

She thought of that the next morning when she from the bed could see all the way out on the terrace and over the blue sea to the horizon. 'If it could always be like this' she thought. "Would you like some breakfast?" he asked from the terrace.

They spent a wonderful time resting, sightseeing on foot and by car, visiting the villages around. They went to the beach and Jeanette went into the water, bathing in the sea for the first time. Silvio sat in the shadow with a hat over his face dressed in a white open shirt, showing his sun tanned chest. "I don't want this to end" she said, "But it will." –"Have you decided when to come to Milan again?" he said. "I don't really want to. We will see." They sat on the terrace and saw a woman and a man walking on the beach. Jeanette thought it was something familiar about them. Suddenly she recognised them. "It's Susan and Louis! What are they doing here?"

**Trip to Russia**

Susan and Louis visited Stockholm, Bern, Vienna, Budapest and Constantinople. Susan, who had travelled before, appreciated it still more in the company of her husband. They came to the Russian border "I don't want to go to Moscow" Susan said "but I think we could visit Michail. They live near Odessa by the Black sea." – "Who is he?" – "He used to be a dancer and he's a good friend of Anna Ragavich. He is also the godfather of my half-brother Gregorij. He grew tired of dancing, now he has a farm and is married with two children." Susan knew that they lived not far away and she wanted to see Michail again – it was so long ago and you could never know if they would ever meet again. Via telegram to Anna she learned the exact location and they went by train and a hired coach. Susan told Louis about Michail and Elisabeth and about the time when they thought he had drowned.

They approached the farm but didn't know if anybody was home. A boy of about eight opened the door. Susan tried to remember the Russian she har learned. She asked the boy if his parents were at home. "Mother is" he said. "Vladimir, who is it?" they heard a voice from the kitchen. Petruschka came out, a blond woman with a sweet face,although her body was a little chubby. "God morning" she said "can I be of service to you?"-"I apologize that we come and visit you unannounced" Susan said. "My name is Susan Malcolm and this is my husband Louis. I am the half-sister of Michail's godson Gregorij. We are travelling around Europe and I thought it interesting to visit you. You are Petrushka? Is Michail at home?" They shook hands. Petrushka still looked a little suspicious. Was she used to ladies coming to look for Michail? "You are most welcome" she then said. "Please come in. Would you like some tea? Michail is out on the grounds but will soon come back." Louis looked around with interest. He hadn't understood a word of the conversation. A little girl was sitting in the kitchen and rose as they entered. "This is Elizaveta" her mother said "she will soon be four." The girl smiled. She had blond curls all around her face and big blue eyes. Susan regognized Michail in her. "Please look around while I finish dinner. Vladimir can help you with your tea."

Susan tried to talk to the children but they were rather quiet. After a while they heard someone coming. "Babuschka!" Elizaveta called out and run into the hall. They heard her talking to her father. Susan rose, feeling a bit nervous. What if it they came at a bad time? What if he didn't want to meet them? "We have visitors from far away" Petrushka said "she says she is Gregorij's sister." Michail entered the room. For a moment he was silent, overcome by surprise. Then there was interest and admiration in his eyes. "Susan, what a surprise! And this is..?" – "My husband, Louis Malcolm. You know I married?" – "Of course, Anna told me. Good to meet you." He hugged Susan and kissed her cheeks. Strangely she still responded to his touch. He also hugged Louis. "You have got yourself a handsome husband" he said and Susan smiled. "Don't you agree?" he asked Petruschka who smiled and nodded. Now she was no longer suspicious. Susan studied Michail and found that he didn't look much older than the last time they met. His hair was grayer but he was still slim and well trained. He noticed that she looked at him. "Petrushka wants me go gain weight" he said "but don't want to." –"Your children are lovely." – "They say Elizaveta takes after me. Vladimir looks more like his mother." Petrushka went into the kitchen with the children and Louis following and Michail said in a low voice "You look fantastic. Very beautiful." She nodded slightly.

The conversation around the dinner table changed between English and Russian and Susan and Michail had to interprete. "Why did you come here?" – "Just a whim. Moscow is too far and then I thought of you." – "I like studying a Russian farm" Louis said. "For how long do plan to stay?" – "2-3 days, if we may?" – "No trouble at all" Petrushka said "we don't have company very often. It could be interesting." She offered Louis more food and he accepted willingly. "Petrushka has found someone to spoil" Michail said. "Yes Louis always knows to impress the ladies."

After dinner Susan went to the children's room where Louis found her a little later, reading a fairy tale, with the girl on her lap and the boy sitting at her feet. "How idyllic" he said. "This makes you long for children of your own, doesn't it?"

The next day they went around the premises. The farm was waste and Louis was genuinely interested. Soon he and Petrushka went on their own, managing conversation in spite of language differences. Susan and Michail slowed down. "I met Gregorij in Moscow in June" he said. "He told me about the wedding and that you looked happy. "- "I have been lucky" she said. "Louis and I have known each other for two years only, but I think this is the right thing." He looked at her admiringly."Why did you come here, really?" – "I felt I had to meet you again before putting such a long distance between us. Perhaps I will not see you again." – "Do I look that old?" She still felt the attraction and he touched her arm, slightly. Then the others called for them and he removed his hand.

In the evening the dinner conversation was animated. Louis bragged about the Russian words he had learned and Vladimir already knew lots of English words. They decided to stay another day and then leave the morning after. The next day Michail had to go to a meeing and Susan and her husband took a long walk. In the afternoon Louis went out on a walk by himself and Susan stayed in the living room. Michail entered. "You must tell me about you" he said. "What are your plans for the future?" – "So far I have composed for our theater and I have given concerts. I must go on doing that, and perhaps compose an opera." – "Don't waste your talent" he said. "I know. It's time to work again." She went up to the window and looked out. "It's beautiful here. So far from home.." He rose too and then he was close behind her. "It's such a gift to have you here" he said. She felt his hand against her back, he moved it tenderly up to her shoulder. She felt his touch affect her body. "You can't do that" she said. "Why? Because it still affects you? " 'Why?'he thought. Her feelings for Louis had not made this attaction fade. "I never thought I would see you again" he said. He touched her neck, lifted her hair and kissed her just above her collar. She shivered and pressed her arms against her breasts. "No" she whispered but didn't draw back. She put her hand on his, turned around and his lips touched just under her chin. But before he could kiss her there was noice in the other room and he let her go. Petrushka entered. "Would you like something to drink?" Susan looked out the window and Michail said in a well composed voice "We could have some tea." When she left Susan said. "Not once more, it's too dangerous. Let's remember what we once had, it was good enough." – "You are right, I will not abuse your coming here. I am grateful." He took her hand. Susan was releaved they didn't had time to kiss. She had no idea what that would have ment to her relationship with Louis, if she had liked it.

They spent the evening with the children who had come to like the visitors very much. Before departure Susan asked Michail "Would you like me to give your regards to Elisabeth?" – "Please do. I don't believe she thinks of me any longer. You could say that the flame between us burned out. But I still think fondly of her. And our daugther's name is a hommage to her."- "You will overcome me too" she said putting her hand on his. "I hope not" he said and kissed her cheek hastily.

They all saud goodbye and Petrushka hugged Louis. "She likes you" Michail said "and your good apetite". When they were on their way Louis said "Are you satisfied with the visit?" – "Yes. It was nice to see them." – "And your old admirer, was he pleased too?" – "My old.." – "You don't think I didn't notice the way he looked at you? I know you met in Moscow once. I don't care, whoever wants can admire my wife, as long as she is mine." She laughed. "I love you" she said. "I sencerely hope to."

When they arrived at Budapest Susan sent a telegram to the Chagny family and learned that Jeanette had gone to Italy.

**Liguria**

Jeanette went down the stairs from the terrace to the beach. "What a surprise! Where do you come from?" She hugged her sister and her brother-in-law. "We are on our way to London an then home" Susan said "but we wanted to see you first." She looked at Silvio rising from the breakfast table. "May I now at last meet your famous conductor?" He approached them and Susan studied him, unconventionally dressed in an open shirt, showing gray hair covering tanned skin, wearing sun-glasses, and she understood why Jeanette was attracted to him. Jeanette made the presentations "Susan Malcolm my sister, and her husband Louis. Maestro Silvio Enrico di Palma." Silvio took off his sun-glasses and shook Susan's hand. "Pleased to meet you. I have heard of your musicality."

Susan and Louis checked in at the hotel. They had lunch together and Susan and Louis talked about their travels. In the afternoon the two sisters went for a walk on the beach. "I'm so glad you came" Jeanette said "I'm beginning to feel that this vacation will soon be over, and I am a little sad. Now we can make these weeks a fine memory. Do you like being married?" – "So far we have just been travelling. Everyday life will come soon – but we have already experienced it – we work together with the theater." – "Louis said you were in Russia and met Michail and his family?"- "Yes, it was like a nostalgic meeing. When I was in Moscow some years ago we had kind of a romance, very intense. He still remembers me." –"I didn't expect you doing such a thing!" – "I'm not as innocent as you think." They were silent for a while. "What about you and di Palma?" – "I'm very happy at the moment. But this is far away from everyday life. I don't know if we can have a life together, performing at different opera houses. For him, as for most men, work always is more important that feelings." – "But you stayed one year in Milan?" – "I don't long for Milan, I want to stay in Paris. I don't know if I want to be his wife." – "You mean the glory fades? I'ts not as romantic to be the maestro's wife as it is to be his mistress? You want to keep up appearances, don't you, dear sister?" – "He says that he loves me. Have I fooled him? First I wanted him to divorce his wife and now I don't want to marry him. But the nights, Susan – they are marvellous." – "Then enjoy them!"

Louis and Silvio seemed to find each other. They all drove around in the car looking for new restaurants to try, and Louis couldn't stop admiring it. "We must have a car of our own soon" he said. They also stayed at the beach and Louis proved to be a good swimmer. He and Jeanette swam together as Susan and Silvio stayed on the beach. "Beware of the waves" Silvio said "there could be dangerous currents."

Susan played the piano. Soon she played her own compositions and Silvio listened with growing fascination. He noticed how the music seemed to flow from her with perfect ease. "I really enjoy listening to you" he said. "Sometimes, soon, we must give a concert together." They discussed music. "Promise me you go on giving concert and not just think about your theater" he said. They played duets on the piano and finally all the music was too much for Louis, who asked Jeanette to go bathing with him instead.

It was a windy day and the waves were fairly big. Jeanette went cautiously into the water. Louis took her hand, leading her. "My sister is very lucky to have found you" she said. "You are attentive, you look strong and also rather handsome." – "Thanks for the compliment. For now she has too much music on her mind, I think." – "It's Silvio bringing it out. He appreciates talents." – "Yours too?" – "Yes, mine too." – "Come on!" he said, dived into the water and began swimming." –"I dare not.." she went on walking and suddenly a big wave threw her off her feet. She tried to swim but felt the water over her head and lost control. Louis saw her disappear and tried to find her. He looked around without seeing her and felt panic strike him. Suddenly there was a big wave throwing her up on the beach and he hurried up to her. He turned her around to get the water out of her lungs. When he couldn't hear her breathe he tried artifical respiration. Finally he saw her chest moving and felt a huge relief. If something had happened to her it would have been his fault.. She opened her eyes "Am I alive?" She tried to get up but didn't manage. "Did you save me?"- "The waves threw you up on the beach. I was my fault you almost drowned. Can you forgive me?" – "Of course. But Silvio might be angry. Can we go back to the hotel?"

He carried her back and Susan and Silvio were alarmed as they saw them coming. "Please don't be angy" she said. "Louis saved me from drowning" – "I warned you" Silvio said frowning. Louis lay her on the bed and let the two of them be alone as he joined his wife. "I was so scared" he confided to her. "What if something had happened?" – "Life is full of dangers" Susan said. "It might not even be safe to go by boat to America."

Silvio sat by Jeanette's side holding her hand. "I don't want to think of what could have happened to you" he said. "I don't want to live without you. Can't you come to Milan?" She still hesitated. "Please let me stay in Paris this autumn and I will consider it. Maybe in spring."

It was time for Susan and Louis to travel on. "Please come and visit us some times" Susan said. "Give my regards to Madeleine and your mother" Jeanette said to Louis. "By the way, did you know that your mother and Raoul, my stepfather, knew each other a long time ago? I even think they were lovers. But he left her for my mother." – "No, I didn't know that. It's a small world!"

When they had left only a few days remained of Jeanette's and Silvio's vacation. "It has been so wonderful" she said. "I don't want to leave." – "You have the opportunity to return."- "By coming to you?" She looked at him."I am frightened, don't you understand?" He took her in his arms "I understand. You don't want to commit yourself to someone so much older than you. But sometimes you have to dare."

They parted in Genova. "You will hear from me soon" he said. Jeanette met her mother in Paris, just returning from a month in Caen, where she had met Erik. "I had a fantastic time" Jeanette said "but I still I haven't decided. How was Erik?"- "Fine. He still has many years to live."

Susan said godbye to her parents before returning to America. "Please write me some music" she told her father. "You can dedicate it to your future heir I you like. I will consider what you asked me."

To be continued ..


	6. Susan and Louis in America

**Susan and Louis in America (1911-1913)**

Susan and Louis returned to Fort Appia. Louis ran the theater, always searching for new items to put on stage. Susan struggled with the composition of her opera and continued to practice her pianoplaying. During the spring of 1912 she was going to give concerts at one of the bigger concert halls in New York and felt she had to be at her best. "Perhaps we could also rent a small flat in New York" she said. "so I don't have to travel so much there and back again."

During Christmas 1911 they were alone in the villa, for the first time as a married couple. "This place is really wonderful" she said. "I feel that I earn a few days of rest. I don't find it as easy as before to play and to compose. When I was young everybody thought I was going to be an infant-prodigy. Now it's mostly hard work." –"Perhaps you are too far away from your father's influence?" They sat together in the sofa. "When are you going to relax?" he asked. "when will you take your time to give us someone to pass all this on to?" She smiled. "I know you want children. I also promised my father. Give me just a little more time – perhaps this autumn."

In spring Susan rented flat in New York. She managed to finish her opera "Messalina" which was only a second-rate success. Instead her concerts were praised and she made herself a name in the musical circles. She mostly played together with the New York Philharmonic orchestra. She didn't get to know the musicians personally, except for the lead violinist, Stanislaus Krystow from Warszaw, a man in his middle forties and a friend of Henry Proctor. They performed together, sonatas for violine and piano, and began to associate. He had a weak health, suffering from tuberculosis, and looked older than he was. He told Susan that his wife, who was also a violinist, had died ten years ago, and then he had moved to New York, living mainly to perform music. "I have met many musicians" he told Susan "but still I find you one of the best, you seem to have it deep inside you." Susan and Stanislaus played a lot together, even in private, and she felt this was a good deed since he didn't know so many others.

Susan stayed in New York most days of the week and Madeleine moved from the inn to the guest room in the villa to keep Louis company. One evening before a performance there was a row at the entrance. The janitor came up to Madeleine holding a young person in a firm grip. It looked just like a bundle of old clothes and rags and you couldn't see if it was a girl or a boy. "This rascal has tried to enter the theater several times" the janitor said "but now I caught him". "I think you can let go" Madeleine said and turned to the boy. "Who are you and what do you want?" He took his scarf off and she saw that it was a young girl. "I just want to listen" she said."I like the sound and it's no nice and warm in here." – "Have you been here before? And all you want is listen?" Madeleine was fascinated by the girl. "Will you come with me and talk? What's your name?" – "Patricia, but everyone calls me Sunny." They went up the stairs and Madeleine noticed she was dirty."Would you like a bath?" The girl smiled "if I may. You are very kind to me, mrs.." – "Miss King. Here is the bathroom. When you are finished you can come to the kitchen."

Louis met Madeleine in the kitchen. "I heard from the janitor that you took care of an intruder at the door. What are you doing? Will you feed every poor person coming to our doorstep?"- "One poor girl, Louis. I want to know what's behind this. Since this is your house I'll have to ask your permission. You can retract it from my salary."- "Of course I can afford giving the girl some food. But what if she is a thief, waiting to let her companions in?"- "You imagine things. Please let me talk to her alone."

When Sunny returned she was clean and her blond hair curled around her hair. Madeleine brought her some food and she ate with big appetite. Then she told Madeleine about herself. She lived in the mountains with her mother and stepfather. They were many children and didn't have much money, so there would never be a chance she could ever buy a ticket for the theater. "He is mean, my stepfather, he want's us to learn stealing, but I don't want to. I could try with the theater visitors, he says. I would rather work here, with whatever job you got." Madeleine saw that she was a pretty girl. "How old are you?" – "Sixteen. Harry says a girl like me should already had started make a living, a pretty girl always could.." – "Would you like to work at the theater?" – "Oh, I would love to."- " I think we could find something for you."

Madeleine talked to Louis. "Do you think we run a charitable institution here?" he said. "This is no charity, she will work for us." – "So her blue eyes impressed you?" – "Ah, you saw them too?"

Sunny started as an errand girl but soon she helped with all sorts of things, also as an extra on stage. Dressed in a new dress she was very pretty, which not even Louis could deny. "I'm so happy to work here" she said to Madeleine. "Mr Malcolm is very good-looking. Is he your financé?" – "Mr Malcolm is married. His wife works in New York but will come home on in the end of this week, then you will meet her. "

Susan was curious about the girl who had made such an impression on Madeleine. She found her nice and polite and Sunny was impressed by Susan. She listened to her playing and was affected by her skills. "They are a beautiful couple" she said to Madeleine "you must be lucky to work with them."

Madeleine wanted Sunny to leave her old family and stay with her, so she moved back to the inn. Louis wondered a bit about Madeleine's strong interest in the young woman but Susan said "I think it's natural that she wants somebody to care for. I think it's good they don't stay in this house both of them. That would be an unnecessary temptation for you." – "What do you mean?" – "You don't feel at ease with her because you are attracted to her, you are afraid she will take an interest in you." – "She is just a child!" – "Not for long. But I trust you." He took her in his arms. "I have not given this a thought, I promise you. She is entirely Madeleine's interest."

Susan and Stanislaus had become friends. "Why haven't you tried to find any nice woman to court?" she asked him. "It's ten years since your wife died." – "I don't think it's fair. I don't know how long I will live." – "Have you had any diagnosis?" – "They can't say – I might live many years and I might die tomorrow. That's why I want do dedicate my life to music, which I love. That's also why I want to hear you play, Susan."

Susan worked much and came to Fort Appia only at weekends. "Are you not bored alone?" Louis said. "Have you got any friends?" She told him about Stanislaus and that he sometimes visited her at home to play with her. "No risk that he will become too interested in you? Or you in him?" – "I don't think so. He is sickly and rather weak." – "You know I don't like us to live like this – apart." – "I know, we will work that out in time."

Madeleine told her about Sunny. "The boys in the ensemble like her" she said. "Is that a good thing? What if she enchants them all, including Louis?" –"No she just likes it to get attention, it's a new feeling for her." Susan noticed Madeleine's affection for the girl. "I hope she doesn't get disappointed" she told Louis. "If Sunny is not what she seems to be."

Susan gave her last concert for the season in the end of May. The theater had played Offenbach's operetta "Helen of Troy" during spring and Louis planned take it on a tour. "Will you still tour with the ensemble?" Susan asked. "It's a tradition. People wants it and it's good money. But this will be the last time, I promise you." They sat together in the hammoc at the terrace. "Will you accompany us?" – "Not if I don't have to." – "Then we part again?" – "It's not my fault" Susan said. "Will Sunny come with you?" – "Yes she will. She is part of the ensemble now. Madeleine wants her to come. It sounds akward to say, but I think perhaps she is in love with her. But I don't think Sunny understands it."

In New York Stanislaus grew worse. Susan came to see him. "It's good of you to come" he said."I was worried about you." – "It was a long time since someone said that to me." She went to the piano and played. "If I am to die I would like it to be like this" he said. "You will not die. You need to come to the countryside to rest. " She was silent, then she said "You could come to Fort Appia for the summer. Louis is going on a tour with the theater ensemble and I will be alone." – "Could I really? What would your husband say about it?" – "I will talk to him." – "It would really be wonderful to continue our friendship. I can't imagine not seeing you again."

"What can I say" Louis said. "Who was it talking about temptations in the house? Can I let a grown man share household with my wife when I'm away?" – "He is sickly and he is weak and he really needs to come." –"But he is able to play concerts.." –"Louis, don't you trust me? I have promised you my love and trust." – "Of course I trust you. I just like to tease you.." – "I leave you with the ladies of the ensemble – and Sunny" – "She is too young for me, I told you. But in a couple of years.." She slapped him playfully. "Beware – this autumn, I promise you, we will try to have a baby."

Louis and Stanislaus met once before the ensemble left for the summer tour. "I am very grateful" Stanislaus said. "I will not abuse your hospitality. "  
"He seems innocent enough" Louis later said. "We will spend the summer playing" Susan said.

Stanislaus arrived in middle of June. He admired the house and enjoyed the view. They discussed music and they played an he felt he was becoming much better. In June the evenings were warm and full of fragrances and Susan felt as if they were made for romance. She didn't even dare to give this a thought, but sometimes when she felt Stanislaus looking at her she understood that she perhaps had become a temptation for him. When she looked at him, his gaze turned away. They laughed and talked and he never ever tried to touch her.

In the middle of the summer he seemed stronger and they went for long walks. Sometimes he looked at her. "You really are beautiful – and talented. You are a gift to mankind." She began to understand his feelings but she didn't want say anything and she felt a little strained. One evening she sat by his side in the hammoc and when she leaned back his arm was behind her shoulders. He caressed her neck ever so slightly with his fingers and said softly "You must have understood that I love you." – "Yes" she whispered. "I'm sorry I wasn't aware I was a temptation to you."- "I'm not sorry" he said, turned her face against his and kissed her. She opened her mouth for him. Then she put her hand on his chest and drew back. "No. Absolutely not. I promised." She felt his fingers at her cheek and she shivered. "That was then" he said. "Now I want to fight for you on equal terms. You know how much we have in common. We need each other." – "No" she said. "You can't make me forget Louis that fast." He didn't look at her. "I don't want a short relationship, I want you for myself, for ever.." He rose. "I know you can't decide now, but think about it."- "You want me to divorce Louis for your sake?" – "It's just what I want. You decide, of course." She thought of Louis. Of course she still loved him? "I should'n have said anything" Stanislaus said. "On the contrary, you cleared the air between us. I will think of it. But now we have to sleep. Good night."

He stayed on the terrace for a while. In his heart he knew he had no chance, but it was still worth asking. Susan had difficulties to sleep. She couldn't help thinking.

The next day they didn't talk about it at all but she still felt the tension in the air. They made a long walk in the woods and he said "It has been good for my health to come here. Now I feel as if I could live for ever." In the afternoon they played together. "What about your plans for the autumn?" – "I have no concerts planned, but I will miss them."

In the evening she sat down at the piano playing Debussy. They were melancholy tunes. Stanislaus sat on the sofa, resting. Then she heard him rise and he sat down beside her at the piano stool. While she continued to play she felt his lips against her neck. They touched her ear and shoulder while she looked at the keyboard, his hand caressed her arm while she concentrated on the music. She felt this in all her body – had she once thought he didn't attract her? After the last cord he took her face between his hand and kissed her and she kissed him back without hesitation. Then she breathed heavily. "You don't make this easily" she said. "the terms are equal, you are no longer an invalid." He said nothing. She saw his love and she felt divided. "I don't know anything any more" she said quietly. They were silent together for a while, then she went to her room. Again she couldn't sleep and this time she wondered if he would come to her. A musical grandchild – oh no. She tossed and turned, wondering if she should give in just for a short time – Jeanette could have done so, but not she. Finally she realised that she loved Louis and would never let him down and she fell asleep.

The next morning they were both pale. He gave her a faint smile. "You understand that I have decided" she said. "I stay with Louis. But I was tempted. This would have been the right time, before children." He kissed her forehead, lightly. "Then I will not tempt you any more. But I will go on loving you and call you my friend." They sat down. "You spoke about children?" – "Yes, Louis wants a child and my father wants a grandchild. It's wrong not living together. I wish we could both live in New York and still keep this house." – "I will not lose contact with you" he said "you make me want to live." He sat down at the piano. "I feel well now. For how long can I stay? Do you want me to leave?" – "No, you stay until the others come back. I don't want to be alone."

Louis, Madeleine and the ensemble travelled to all big and small cities on the American continent. They were expected since they had been there before. Sunny was impressed by everything she saw and liked to go and look at all the fine houses and all the shops. When she was out with Madeleine she sometimes bought little things for her protégé and it pleased her to see how much Sunny appreciated it. Sometimes Sunny and one of the boys called Gerry went to coffee houses. One evening Madeleiene saw Sunny wearing a thin golden bracelet which she hadn't seen before. "Where did you get that?" Madeleine asked. "-"Oh – Gerry found it in a park and thought I should have it." – "Well you shouldn't have taken it, you should have gone to the police." – "But we already left the town – please can't I keep it?" –"All right for this once – but you must both understand you did a wrong thing."

They came to Chicago and stayed there for couple of days. Madeleine told Sunny to be careful and don't get lost and not be out in the evening. Unfortunately she didn't have time to accompany her, instead she went with Gerry. After a couple of hours they were not back and just before the performance should start Gerry returned in a hurry. "Where have you been? Where is Sunny?" Madeleine asked. "I don't know. We came apart on North Elm street - I couldn't find her so I returned here." Gerry was out of breath. – "Are you sure? North Elm street is an elegant shopping street. What did you do?" – "Just window shopping." But the boy seemed nervous and Madeleine was suspicious. "We must call the police. What if something has happened to her?" As they spoke the janitor of the theater said there was a telephone call for mr Malcolm. "The police, sir." They hurried to the telephone and Louis took the receiver. When listening his began to look grim. "We will come" he said. And then "Come on Madeleine, I will explain on the way."

They took a cab. "Where are we going? Was has happened?"- "We are going to the police station. Sunny is there, arrested for theft." – "Theft?" – "She was caught red-handed in a jewlery shop trying to steel a necklace, they said. Her accomplice got away."- "Accomplice? Gerry! But this can't be! It must be a mistake." – "What did I say?" Louis said grimly. "A thief." –"Please don't judge her unheard!"

A contrite Sunny waited at the police station. Madeleine went up to her and hugged her and Sunny began to cry. Louis talked to the policemen. "We can take you home" he then said "but there will be consequences. You will be called to an inquest. Let's go." On the way home they said nothing and it wasn't until they were back at the theater and had made sure the performance started, that Louis brought the ladies into a small room and locked the door. "Gerry has nothing to do with this" Sunny said in a low voice "he ran when he understood what I was up to." – "Then let's hear what you have to say." Sunny looked at her hands. "I don't know why I did it. The necklace was so beautiful, I couldn't help it, I wanted it to look at. I knew I couldn't wear it." – "Like the bracelet?" – "Yes. That I could wear. There are so many people who can afford these beautiful things, and I can't.." Madeleine looked her straight in the eyes. "Do you understand that you did something criminal?" – "Now I understand – but then I couldn't help it." Louis said in a stern voice "If you want to stay with us, this must never ever happen again. Do you understand?" – "Yes" she whispered. "I promise I will not do it again. Do you believe me?" she started crying again an Madeleine took her hand "I believe you" she said.

Gerry got a reprimand too and the bracelet was returned to the police. Madeleine had long talks with Sunny about right and wrong and Louis was a little sharp to her for a while.

When the tour came closer to New York Louis called Susan and they had a long talk about how much they missed each other. In the end of August they returned to Fort Appia. Louis was surprised to still find Stanislaus living there, but in a few days he returned to New York. Both Susan and Louis were very happy to be together again. "I would like us all to move to New York and use this as a country house" she said. "Perhaps you could find premises for the theater company in the city? I would like to continue giving concerts." – "With Stanislaus?" – "Among others. I can confess to you that he offered me to share my life with him, and I considered it.." Louis looked suspicious "but I came to the conclusion that it's you I love. You should be flattered, he has music in the blood, like me. I promise you – if I can go on performing we will try having a baby."

During the autumn Louis managed to find a place for the theater and they also found an old apartment in a big house in New York. The apartment was waste, with many rooms and a large kitchen. There were rooms enough for Madeleine and Sunny, who got a small room behind the kitchen. Madeleine sent her to a domestic science school so that she would learn something useful for the future.

Susan continued giving concerts and grew more famous. In November she told the family the big news – their first child was due in July. Stanislaus was happy too when he learned this and wanted to be the child's godfather. The news spread to Europe and Erik and Eleanor were overjoyed. "At last a new generation is born. Susan promised me he could be my heir." – "How do you know it's a boy?" – "I know. I must be."

Susan worked until she was too heavy for the piano stool and then went on composing, eagerly waiting for the big event. Finally, in the middle of July, she went to the hospital, accompanied by her husband. It was not an easy birth and after a day and a night without result they began to worry. Madeleine and Sunny went to the hospital to accompany the waiting father. Finally the waiting came to an end and a boy was born. Though Susan was very tired she had to be sure there was nothing wrong with the baby. It was not, he was perfectly healthy and had no sign of disfiguration. After a week they all went home. Louis consented that he boy was named Eric as long as his second name was Louis. Eleanor expressed a wish to go and visit her grandchild but thought it better the whole family came to them. "Next spring I will begin asking them to come visit us, and I will not stop until they do."


	7. Jeanette in Milan and Madrid

**Jeanette (1911-1912) Milan, Madrid**

Jeanette returned to Paris for the autumn season of 1911. It was good to be back in the apartment though she couldn't help thinking of Liguria at time to time.

"There is a company of singing-teachers coming to the opera" M Lasalle said. "They will listen to you to learn about what to think of when teaching future operasingers. If you just let them listen to you and talk to them they would be grateful." Jeanette saw them arrive, about ten persons between the age of 40-45.

One day some of them listened to Jeanette singing. One of the ladies made an impression on her, an elegant lady, taking notes and giving comments in Italian. The next day Lasalle said "One of the ladies wants to listen especially to you Jeanette. Please come with me. It's signora Giannina di Palma." Jeanette felt her knees weaken and she felt she really had to do her best. Giannina was very polite. "You have a wonderful voice" she said "and I would like to listen to you." Jeanette sang at her best and was satisfied with herself. Giannina thanked her. "I have learned a lot listening to you, signorina de Chagny" she said. They went a few steps away from the accompanying pianist. "Well, are you pleased with what you see?" Jeanette asked. "I suppose you came to look at me." – "You must understand that I am curious" Giannina said. "Don't be afraid of me, I don't want him back. The fact is he has asked me for a divorce. He has never done that before. Should I grant him that?"

Jeanette had a fight with her conscience. Of course she should say yes. The marriage with Giannina had always been Silvio's protection against the women he didn't want to marry. Now it was Jeanette's protection against a future she didn't know if she wanted. "What do you say? Do you want to marry him?" Jeanette hesitated. "No" she said. "I don't want to be tied up. I'm so sorry if I led him to believe otherwise. I encouraged him, and now I hesitate." She looked at Giannina. "You don't have to divorce for my sake, but you do as you like, of course. Perhaps you should look after him when he grows old. " – "You think it's my duty? I have given it a thought." Jeanette wanted to end the conversation. "It was nice to meet you, signora." – "Likewise. Good luck with your carrier, I admire your voice and I understand that Silvio does too."

Jeanette wondered what was to come out from this meeting and soon she knew. She had a letter from Silvio. "Giannina did not grant me a divorce. I heard she was in Paris. Does this mean you will not come to Milan?" Jeanette sent him an answer "Darling Silvio, I apologize for given you false hopes and if have hurt you. I don't want to commit myself. I don't love you, but I very much want to make love to you. This sounds dreadful coming from a woman, I know. I would love to come to Milan, please make all necessary arrangements. I'll come in the beginning of January." He sent an answer "I will do as you ask me."

In October Jeanette's brother André and his fiancée were married. In November Jeanette had a confirming letter from the management of La Scala of her guest performance during the spring. She had a quiet Christmas holiday with her parents.

Jeanette came to Milan one evening in January. Leaving her luggage at the station she went directly to the opera. She managed to enter and have a seat and from the auditorium she listened to the performance, Carmen. She looked at Silvio conducting and was filled with the longing for him. After the performance she looked him up. "Good evening Silvio, here I am." He looked at her, very composed. "Yes, you have come for the key. I will accompany you. Welcome." He kissed her on the cheek. Then he took a key and his coat and they went for a cab. "I hope you are ready for rehearsal tomorrow" he said. During the ride and as they entered the apartment they had a polite conversation and she wondered for how long he meant to keep the distance. When she had looked at the apartment she stood at the bedroom door. "We haven't met since August" she said. "Are you leaving now?" He looked at her. "I'm not used to beeing played with" he said "I'm not used to get hurt." – "No you want to do that yourself. Then you had better go.." In a few steps he was close to her and held her against him, and she clinged on to him, feeling the heat explode within her body. He kissed her hard. There was never any doubt they should find each other again, and that this apartment would welcome him as well as her. "Silvio" she whispered, sliding her hands into his hair. He took off his jacket before pulling her against the bed, which was large enough for both of them.

Jeanette enjoyed her stay Milan much more this time. She was the star of the opera and even got along well with Adriana Orlando. She performed in her favourite parts. Everybody knew of her relationtionship with the maestro and nobody talked about it. They lived in their diffent apartments and he mainly came to her. When the first intense period of love had faded Jeanette realized that they loved the best when they had been apart for a while and that being together constantly made love life less inspiring. At least this was how Jeanette felt. She wanted them not to be together every day. "Are you freeing yourself of me?" he asked. "Perhaps I have to enjoy it as long as you stay with me and I have to stand that you finally leave me?"- "Don't think like that. You know I want to be a free woman. We make the best love when we don't meet that often. I could even encourage you to look at other women." – "I don't like the sound of that" he said.

The news of the successful performances given by Jeanette spread though the opera world and people from the opera houses in Vienna, Stockholm and Madrid came to listen to her. They wanted to negociate about guest performances and she was very flattered. "I admit that you are soon going to be a star and that I'm at the end of my carrier" Silvio said. "I'm beginning to consider giving concerts again and I really would like to perform with your sister."

Jeanettes old friend Annabella Strada was the one performing in Carmen and Jeanette noticed that she had improved. She sang more important parts, she had lost her overweight and was now beautiful with lots of red hair. They sang together in Aida and Jeanette was impressed. "You have improved" she said. "Any special reason?" – "I have raised my ambitions" she said but was still a bit mysterious.

Guido Armani highly appreciated Jeanette's return. At first he didn't quite know how to behave but soon they became friends again. When she refused to see Silvio too often he instead began to associate with her. "What about love?" he asked her. "That's my business" she said. "Well, I try to free myself of it. Perhaps at the end of the season. "- "And if I want you?" – "You are free to compete." Secretly Jeanette was beginning to feel attracted to him, young, good-looking, physically fit and very brown-eyed. Together the went to the opera to see Annabella perform. "She has become very good" Jeanette said – "She is probably in love" Guido said "but she will not tell with whom."

Guido too performed in more roles. He performed as Cavardossi against Jeanette as Tosca. "I can see that Guido is you admirer" Silvio said one night. "I knew you would mention it. He is only a friend. I like to have many suitors."

In the middle of spring there was a grand party for the staff with dinner and dance. Jeanette and Silvio arrived as a couple, as usual, and after dinner they danced together for a while. But later on they split up. He had to talk to the management and other important people and she felt abandoned. Soon Guido showed up at her side. "I find Annabella very sweet tonight" he said "but you are the most beautiful of all ladies." Many of the other singers wanted a dance with her but finally Guido got her on his own. "You are popular" he said. "Yes, now I really like it here. I feel appreciated." She was warm and breathed heavily. "You need fresh air" Guido said, took two glasses of champagne and brought her out on the terrace. She looked at the dark sky, filled with stars. "I can see you are having a good time" he said. "Yes. You too?"- "That depends. Now I have. You say everybody likes you. But you know who like you the most." He leaned against her. "You know I don't want to be tied up" she said. "For me it's enough if you are interested right now." He touched her arm, she put her hand on his lapel and then he kissed her. She felt that he was young and strong and she felt attracted. She kissed him back for a while, then drew back. "Enough is enough." – "Can we meet again?" he whispered "and do it again?" – "Perhaps. Now dance with me."

Guido held her tight in the dance and Jeanette wondered if Silvio would notice. He seemed however engaged at the moment, dancing with Annabella, and by the way she looked at him there were no more doubts who was the object of her secret love. If it was secret. Again Jeanette thought that she could not know if there hadn't already been something between them. But that was what she wanted, wasn't it? She danced closer to Guido and said "I think Silvio is occupied. " She saw them dance closely together and sometimes he whispered in her ear.

Guido stuck to Jeanette until it was time to go home. "Are you going home with him?" he said. "Of course. We came together." And so they did. "Did you enjoy the party?" Silvio asked as they came to her apartment. "You saw that I did. Everybody wanted to dance with me." –"I saw who was your most attentive suitor, but that was no surprise. I understand you, he is young." They sat down on the bed. "You don't know if I encourage him?" she said. He put his arms around her shoulders and kissed her neck. "I know you." She leaned her head against his chest. He kissed her below her chin. "I saw who was interested in you" she said. "Annabella who has grown beautiful." –"Yes and so talented." She lay down on her back and he followed. "She impressed me all autumn. " – "Thanks to you, of course. She is in love with you." – "Do you think so?"- "You knew that all the time" she said and pressed his face against her breasts. "Are we not terrible talking about our admirers while we are together in bed?" she whispered. "That's how you like it. You are getting more and more like me. I can't marry you." She grabbed his hair and kissed him.

Jeanette felt tense as she met Guido the next day. It was a little like being in love for the first time when she thought of the evening before. It felt strange to think of him with pleasure although she was fully satisfied with Silvio and the night passed. Was she really that frivolous that she wanted two men at the same time?

Guido looked happy when they met and wanted to kiss her, but she said no. "I have missed you" he said. "Did Silvio accompany you home last night?"- "You have no right to ask." – "Sure I have. I'm jealous of him, of course. Don't you see?" Jeanette sighed. "It was just that sort of things I wanted to avoid. No strains I said. You can take me on my conditions or not at all." Now he sighed. "I don't want us to quarrel. Now I have destroyed the good feeling between us. Forgive me! I'll take you on your terms." – "Good. Of course I have a bad conscience towards Silvio. " – "He will coop."

Jeanette and Guido had a good time together, going out, finding new things to do. Once they went to a circus where Guido's relatives performed. After the show she joined them at their supper, eating good and drinking wine. Afterwards when it was nearly midnight Guido said "Can I come home to you?" – "Why can't I come to you?" – "Because I live with two cousins." She agreed and he came to admire the apartment. He sat down on a chair and said "Please come sit on my lap." They kissed and he began to unbutton her dress. "I can, can't I?" he asked. She knew that she wanted this and touched his chest, eager to see his body. She nodded. "Then come on". They rose and went for the bedroom.

When she woke up her hand rested on his bare chest, which was smooth and tanned. First she felt happy and then remorseful. She removed her hand. He woke up "God morning my darling. What is it?"- "Did I really want this?"- "I know you did, you showed me last night." – "But.. how could I?" –"Do you suffer from bad conscience? Was he always faithful to you? Is he now?" – "Well we don't owe each other anything anymore, but still.." – "Follow your heart" he said softly. "But if I want to break up with him and want to be free, can I then tie myself to you?" – "Not tie. We will enjoy the moment – isn't that what you wanted?" She was quiet for a while, thinking. "Don't you want children?" he asked. "Not now when I'm starting an international carrier. We must avoid that if we go on.."

Jeanette said nothing to Silvio and they went on as if nothing had happened. She saw that he was more attentive than before towards Annabella, who often was close to him. After a few weeks Guido wanted to come home to Jeanette again. "We could be at my place, but we wouldn't be alone. At least I can come to you for dinner." She realized that she longed for him, so she said yes. Just as she thought, they didn't stop at dinner. While they rested together they heard something at the front door. It opened. "Oh my God, Silvio has a key." -"Does he usually come here without you?" – "No, but today I had no performance.. I have to stop him from coming in here.." – "He must already have seen my jacket." She put on her negligé and went out into the kitchen. He entered from the hall, still wearing his coat. "Am I disturbing? Please forgive me." – "It is I who .. why did you come here?" – "I don't know. Perhaps I suspected something. But this is not the time – I will leave." – "I'm sorry" she whispered. "Don't be. I see you find this akward. We'll talk tomorrow." He left. She was sad as she entered the bedroom. "I have hurt him" she said. "It's your apartment, you don't have to have a bad conscience. Do you want me to leave?"- "It's too late now, stay the night and comfort me."

The next day they met in Silvio's office. "Should I stop coming to you?" he said. "You decide. Now you know about me and Guido. It's all new, I don't know how serious this is. We have been together just twice." – "It's best for you if we break up. It's bad for your reputation having relations with two men. I like too much to see you suffer. I give you up if it makes you happy." She looked at him. "I don't deserve this" she said. "You are my primadonna until summer anyway." She took his hand and felt her tears rising.

"Have you gained your freedom now?" Guido asked. "I always had my freedom. But it hurts breaking up. We meant a lot to each other." – "I see. Am I your suitor now?" – "Well I think so. I don't promise anything though. This summer I return to Paris, and whoever offers me to be a guest performer, I will agree to that. You mean nothing compared to my carrier." He put his arm around her waist. "That's what you think. I can follow you. I can even pursue you."

Jeanette tried to avoid Silvio as much as she could. She observed Annabella and one day she found her unusually happy. 'Perhaps they have found happiness together' she thought 'they deserve it, I hope they will be happy.'

She tried to hold Guido at bay but he was persistent and soon everybody knew about the new constallation. Later in the spring she wrote a letter to her mother. "I hope it will please you that I have left Silvio for this younger man Guido. I think though that I have got entangled a litte too much. I do not plan to spend the rest of my life with him. I will come back to Paris in the summer." She also had a letter from Susan telling about the apartment in New York and of her success as a concert pianist. "Maestro di Palma would have been proud of me" she wrote.

When the spring season was at an end Jeanette had a long talk with Guido. "I really have enjoyed our time together" she said "I couldn't imagine it would be like this." – "But now you want it to end?" – "I didn't say that."- "I fought so hard to get you, against Silvio and the world,now I will not let you go." – "What do you want from me? I don't want to marry, I don't want children yet."

Jeanette said goodbye to Silvio. "Now we part" she said. "I am so grateful to you." – "And I to you. For I while I felt young again." – "I'm sorry it didn't last." – " We will meet again, giving guest performances somewhere in the world, then it will have been a long time and there will be sparks again, don't you think so?" She laughed. They embraced and kissed, more intense that she had thought it would be.

Guido was in a bad mode when she left. "I don't want to leave you" he said "but I promised you freedom. Another time I want to decide." – "Please just give me the summer. We'll meet again." – "I will come when least you suspect it."

Jeanette left Milan for Paris. She spent some weeks in Caen with her father. He sat by the large window and admired the view. "Every year I wonder if I will live to come here the next" he said. "It's so strange not having much to do when you have lived a life full of work." – "What do you do then?" – "I compose, mostly for myself and I help Eleanor writing her articles. I long to see my children, but that will not happen often either. Susan said she would perhaps come, but I don't know. I miss Gregorij too, but he is occupied for the summer. I't always good to see you. How about your men?" – "My men?" – "Yes, the conductor and the tenor." – "I see mother has talked about me." – "Yes she was here for a month, as usual." – "My men, as you call them, mean nothing to me compared to my carrier. I'm waiting for an offer to sing at the opera in Madrid this autumn." – "But love?" – "Silvio and I have split up. He is, after all, too old. And Guido – I don't know. I don't love him. I would like to stay away fom him, though I said we could meet this summer." – "I'm waiting for grandchildren, Jeanette. Susan has promised me. And you?" – "How would I mix that with a carrier? And who would be the father?" – "I don't know. But don't you wait too long. Children could be a blessing you know."

When Christine asked her daugher if she wanted to accompany them to the de Chagny summer estate, she agreed. "I'm doing this to avoid meeting Guido" she told her mother reluctantly. "Why do you want to avoid him?" – "Perhaps I promised him more than I wanted. I really don't want to feel tied up by him." – "So in fact you have just played with him? You used him to get rid of Silvio. And now you don't want him either ?" – "You make it sound so ugly. I'm ashamed." – "It's just because you are a woman. A man could have done this easily and nobody had cared." Christine was quiet for a while. Then she said "But what about a family? You have been singing for almost ten years, you will soon be twentynine."- "But now the possibilities arise. Madrid wants me, and then Stockholm.." –"But what about just a child, no marriage? Raoul and I can raise it, we have the time." –"Mother! Who would you think would father that child? Silvio can't have any and Guido will certainly claim it if it would be his.." - "It was just a thought. Perhaps you will find one. What are your plans for this autumn?" – "I believe Madrid have plans to invite me. I'm waiting to hear from them."

In August it was confirmed that Jeanette should spend the autumn of 1912 I Madrid. Just before she left she had a letter from Guido. "I have tried to reach you without succeeding. Unfortunately I was engaged during the summer. Can I come and visit you?" She sent an answer telling him that she didn't want him to. "I don't feel for you the way you deserve. I think it better you try to find someone else." But he didn't take no for an answer and later on he called. He still insisted he wanted to come and she said no. "It's no use" she said. "You didn't say so in the spring. You have promised me something and I feel you have deceived me." She sighed. "I am going to Madrid soon. I suppose there is nothing to stop you coming to see me there if you really want." – "I understand. You will see me again, I promise."

**Madrid**

Jeanette was well received in Madrid. One of the first performances she attended was Aida,which later would be one of her parts to sing. Radamés was performed by one of the greastest tenors of the time, Alfredo Domenico. The opera manager introduced Jeanette to him and to the two leading female singers. The one performing Aida should soon leave for America, but the mezzo-soprano singing the part of Amneris, Rosa Sangregorio, greated Jeanette cordially.

Jeanette soon performed in all her favourite parts, Tosca, Desdemona, Aida and Madame Butterfly. She soon became friends with Rosa, who had a warm personality. In Rosa's dressing room there were lots of pictures of a man playing the guitar, and they were all signed "To my Rosita from Fernando." "He is my suitor" Rosa said. "He plays the guitar and is very good at it. You must come with me to one of his concerts."

When they rehearsed Tosca Jeanette asked Rosa if maestro Silvio di Palma had ever been to the Madrid opera. "Yes, I I think he was here four years ago. Rather strict? Gray hair?" – "Yes that must be him. I sang my first Tosca for him." - "Then you know him?" – "Rather well." She couldn't help smiling and Rosa said "Oh?" But she said no more.

"I think the Spanish music is wonderful and very tempting" Jeanette told Rosa. "Yes, that is so. I said we would listen to Fernando one evening. There is a concert on Friday, come with me." She showed her the advertisement. "Fernando Sor – guitar. Playing music by Fernardo Sor, father and son." – "Sor? The famous Spanish composer?" – "Yes. Fernando is his son. He plays his father's compositions and some of his own."

They attended the performance and Jeanette found the music fascinating. There was something in it that affected her inmost feelings. After the show Rosa introduced Jeanette to Fernando. "I appreciate the Spanish music" Jeanette said. "Then you should listen to the flamenco music." Fernando put his arm around Rosa's shoulder. "We could attend the flamenco performance at Trocadero some evening. What do you say to that?" – "Why not? Let's go on Sunday afternoon."

On the Sunday they went to the club Trocadero, which was filled with people sitting at small tables drinking wine or beer waiting for the performance. "Fernando always brings friends" Rosa said. "let's see who he brought today." Fernando introduced Jeanette to the party, men and women about the same age. Her gaze fell on the man sitting next to Fernando, a man with charcteristic features, dark hair and prominent cheek-bones. On his left cheek there was a red scar. When he saw Jeanette looking at him, he smiled. "This is my good friend Miguel Paz" Fernando said. "He is a bullfighter." She couldn't help staring – a real bullfighter.. Now the music began. "Sit down" Fernando said and pointed at two empty chairs. The performance was real flamenco dance. There was a middle aged couple dancing , then a younger dancer entered, trying to distract them. Several dances were performed and Jeanette soon recognised the separate persons dancing. There was a beautiful young woman making a solo dance and all the men looked at her attentively. The bullfighter Miguel took a flower from the table and throw it on the stage for her. "The dancers are all my friends" Fernando said when there was an intermission. "José and Manuela Rodrigez are the main dancers. Miguel once was José's rival for Manuela, but José won. The stunning young woman is called Aña Ruiz. She is very talanted." There was a second act and Jeanette watched fascinated. She looked at Miguel at times and noticed he also looked at her.

After the performance the Rodrigez couple and Aña came to say hello. The young woman moved slowly as to attract the looks of the men and when she came to the table she gave Miguel her hand to kiss. They all sat down for a while and then Fernando said "Shall we go for a walk and show the ladies the town?" Miguel walked alongside Jeanette. She noticed that he had a slight limp. "Have you been to a bullfight?" he asked her. "Never. I find it scary. I have always wondered why it exists." Miguel looked hurt."It's big art. It has existed for a long time. You can't judge it unseen , you have to attend." Rosa came up to them. "Of course we have to. When is your next fight?" – "Next week. Then I go for a tour and return in a couple of weeks." –"Then we will go" Rosa promised.

Jeanette went to another of Fernando's concerts and also at flamenco dances. She enjoyed being in Spain. One day Rosa said "Miguel is back and we are invited to the bullfight on Saturday. Would you like to come?" – "I don't know. I feel sorry for the bull." – "But once? You have to experience it."

They were accompanied by Alfredo Domenico, who also had a liking for this. They had seats rather close to the ring. The stadium was huge and filled with people. At the side of the ring there were special boxes and in one of them they saw the dancers from the Trocadero. The ladies wore black mantillas and big golden ear rings and Aña was beautiful as always. Rosa handed Jeanette a fan. "You will need this." The performance lasted for several hours and Jeanette grew tired. Sometimes the bull was brave and then was spared, and she liked that. Miguel entered as the last, being the most famous. She looked at him, playing with the bull, escaping from being hit with small margins. Finally he killed it. He then cut off it's ears and rode around the ring to find a lady to give them to. He stopped in front of the dancers. First it looked like he would give them to Manuela but then he turned to Aña who got the muleta with the ears in it. She threw him a red rose.

After the performance they went to the dressing rooms and entered the one with a big star on the door. Many people were already there. Miguel sat by a mirror, dabbing a cut on his chest. His shirt was open and Jeanette saw that he was very muscular. Aña sat on the table beside him. "Congratulations! Another victory" Fernando said. "It's not hard these days. There are no real bulls nowadays." He saw Jeanette. "What did you think, senorita?" She went closer to him. "You were very good. But I still feel sorry for the bull." Manuela looked at Alfredo. "Big star here today" she said. "Why not? I accompany my delightful colleague. "-"Are you courting her?" the bullfighter asked. Alfredo laughed. "O no. I have a fiancée of my own." Jeanette looked at Miguel. "When I have come to see you , you could perhaps come and see me at the opera?" –"That will be the day" Fernando said "he has never been to the opera." Jeanette met Miguels gaze, dark and strange – and very tempting. "Come on Monday" she said. "We play Tosca. I will hold a ticket for you." Aña saw them looking at each other and put her hand on his shoulder. "Now you must excuse me" he said "I have to go and have a shower." They left the stadium. "I think Miguel is interested in you, Jeanette" Fernando said. "Well Aña seemed worried anyway." – "I saw that too. I thought she was interested in José."

Miguel attended the opera performance together with Fernando and afterwords they came to Jeanettes dressing room. "Did you like it?" she asked. "Tosca is the kind of woman I like" he said. "intense and impulsive." – "and the music?" – "a little difficult. But Domenico was great in his last aria." – "So you liked it?" – " I appreciated seing you act. Now it's my turn – would you like to go sightseeing with me in Madrid?" She didn't know what to say but Rosa said "We can do that all four of us – tomorrow?"

They had a pleasant day in Madrid. Among other things they went to Prado, the art's museum. Jeanette and Miguel talked at length and learned a lot about each other. The discussed music. "I'm not very used to opera music. I like listen to Fernando playing and of course the flamenco music." – "And the dancers?" – "You think about Aña? She is a stunning girl, and young. She is really interested in José and I try to draw her attention to me to spare Manuela."- "Who José took from you? Do you still love her?" – "In a way. Otherwise I'm free. In my profession you shouldn't marry. It's easy to become a bullfighter's widow. But I'm always open for.." – "for courting?" – "for aquaintances. For friendship. Will you come see me again?" – "Not yet."

They had some busy weeks at the opera. Then Rosa said "Next week there will be a fiesta in Madrid. There will be carnival processions and we will all participate. Then you will see!"

There were no performances at the opera and the offices in town were closed. Jeanette dressed in a rococo dress and went together with Rosa, Fernando, Alfredo and his fiancée. The agreed to meet at a café later at night and joined the procession. At first Jeanette tried to keep contact with her friends, but it was difficult. In front of them was a band playing. She moved with the music and began to think of various things, Silvio, her success, Guido – and Miguel. He felt like a dangerous fire, not to be played with. Suddenly she realized she didn't know where she was and where her friends were. Her unsecure behaviour was spotted and suddenly two men wearing masks came up to her. They managed to drag her from the crowd into a small alley. "What have we here?" one of them said. "A beauty who got lost? Not Spanish either. Has she got something to rob or should we just take what we can get?" The other man came closer searching for pockets in her dress. She started screeming but the first man put his hand over her mouth. "Don't be afraid lady. Just lift your skirt and it will be fast." She tried to move and her heart beat. Then the man holding her was tossed away and the other one felt a knife at his throat. "Go away and leave the lady alone!" a stern voice said. Both men turned against the intruder to knock him down, but then he lifted his cape and showed them the sword hanging at his side. They quickly disappeared. Jeanette breathed heavily. Her saviour took off his mask and she recognized Miguel. "Thank God you came" she said. "Now I want my reward" he said, pressed har against the wall and kissed her. It was intense and she felt her lips hurt. When he let go of her she felt them bleed. He immediately apologized. "I'm so sorry, I hurt you." He passed her a handkerchief. "Don't worry. Thank you very much for saving me. Where are the others?"-"I don't know. I saw you disappear so I followed. Shall we look for the others?" – "In due course. I know the meeting place." He put his arm around her shoulder. "Are you angry with me for kissing you?" –"No. But please take it more easy the next time." He smiled. They joined the procession for a while. She saw José and Aña dancing and wondered where Manuela was. Then she saw a person who looked like Guido – far away. He soon disappeared.

They went to the café to joint the others, who made room for them in the middle of a big sofa. Fernando poored them some wine. "I have rescued senorita Jeanette from a faith worse than death" Miguel said. "Two scoundrels attacked her." – "and Miguel came just in time to save me. Perhaps it was staged?" They were served food and more wine and Jeanette began to feel tired. Miguel's arm lay behind her neck on the sofa. Rosa lifted her glass. "At the fiesta you can do things you don't do otherwise" she said. "But you have to forget it the next day." Jeanette touched the scar on Miguel's cheek. "Did it hurt?" – "It did then, but that was a long time ago. I have more. Do you want to see?" – "Not now" she whispered. He kissed her softly. "Was that better?" – "Much better." She put her hand around his neck and kissed him and the people sitting next to them pretended not to see. When it was time to leave he asked "Shall I accompany you home?" She hesitated. "I will" Rosa said."come on, we'll see each other tomorrow."

"Thank you for accompany me" Jeanette said to Rosa. "I couldn't let him. I know myself and I'm not ready for that – yet." – "Yet? I think you should take it easy with him. He is not to be trusted and he is very volatile." – "You could say that about me too" Jeanette said to herself.

They enjoyed the following fiesta days. One night they went on a club dancing and Jeanette liked Miguel holding her close to him. They listened to Fernando playing and Rosa singing. There also was a show with young bulls running through an alley and daring mer running before them. Miguel participated of course, and also José, who hurt his arm. Aña was at his side, but Manuela was missing. Later on they heard she had gone to see her brother. The last night of the fiesta Miguel accompanied Jeanette to the front door. Outside she leaned against the wall and he kissed her more fervently than before, almost like the first time. She felt his body against hers and she felt an urge to say "come with me", but she didn't. She couldn't know what that should mean to him and how it would have seemed. Instead she kissed his face and felt him caressing her breasts. "Thank you for these days" she said. Then she hastily slipped into the door.

A week later Jeanette performed the Countess for the first time in The Marriage of Figaro. When she entered her dressing room it was full of flowers. Behind the largest bunch, consisting of white roses, she found Miguel. "You are still the lovely virgin for me" he said.

Later they heard that Manuela had left José, who now was seen together with Aña. In the beginning of November Miguel was to perform in another bullfight. "You will come?" Rosa said. "You can borrow a Spanish dress and mantilla from me." This time they sat in one of the boxes. Jeanette tried to enjoy the show but it was difficult. Miguel entered last. She had to admit he made a splendid performance. Once it looked like he fell, but soon he was up again. After the killing he rode around the ring, and this time she got the bull's ears. She gave him rose and the audience cheered.

In the dressing room a physician looked at Miguel leg but found no wounds. He wasn't wearing a shirt and said "Forgive my clothing, ladies." Jeanette looked at his chest and back, with traces of old and new scars. She went up to him and touched his chest. "I still don't like it" she said. He took her by the wrist. "But you do like me?"- "We don't suit each other very much" she said in a low voice. "Suit each other? But you appreciate my courting you. I showed you a great honour at the bullfigh giving you my trophy. For how long will you stay?" – "Perhaps until spring. But then you will have a new woman." – "Please don't speak like that. Can we go see the dancers again?" – "Whenever you like."

A few days later Jeanette and Rosa met with Fernando and Miguel at the Trocadero. Manuela was not performing, instead José and Aña danced together. "I am worried about Manuela" Miguel said. During the intermission there was some alarm in the audience and a person advanced among the tables. Jeanette looked up and didn't believe her eyes. It was Guido. Resolute he came up behind them, threw a glove at the table before their eyes and said "Señor Paz, I challenge you to a duel." Jeanette turned to him. "Guido, are you out of your mind?" Miguel looked at her. "Do you know this man?" – "He's a friend of mine."- "And you want to duel with me?" Guido made a bow. "Guido Armani at your service. I want to duel for the honour of mademoiselle de Chagny."- "You have read "The Three Musketeers" one time too many. You don't duel nowadays. Do you know who Miguel Paz is?" – "Which weapon did you have in mind?" Miguel asked seriously. "A gun?" – "No, a sword." – "Guido! Miguel uses the sword every day. You don't stand a chance!" – "I have been a circus performer, I know what I'm doing. Time and place?" – "Tomorrow at seven on the field at Port del Nord. Satisfied?" Guido nodded. Jeanette grabbed his arm. "What are you playing at? For how long have you been here?"- "Long enough. See you tomorrow." He left. Jeanette looked at Miguel. "You can't do this. He can't fight you, you might kill him." – "Does he mean anything to you?" – "He was my friend. But even if he doesn't mean anything to me you can't just kill him – like a bull." – "Of course he was your lover, otherwise he wouldn't have done a thing like this. The idea is his – he will get what he wants. Who talked about killing?" Rose stood up. "Let's go home" she said. "We must wake up early to go and watch the gentlemen behaving like idiots." – "There is no idiocy competing for the favour of a lady" Fernando said. "I will be second – and judge."

"Señor Armani must be very fond of you, wanting to fight for you like this" Rosa said. "Has he been your lover?" – "He's like a leech. I wanted to get away from him. We had a good time together this spring. Perhaps I promised him too much and granted him too much. Fortunately I haven't done so to Miguel."- "What do you think about the odds?" – "I have no idea of Guido's skills in sword fighting."

The following morning was cold and misty, just as it should be. Miguel brought two swords. Fernando brought a clock and a first aid box. He lifted his staff and put it down, and the fight began. Guido was more skilled than Jeanette had thought and the fight was fair to begin with. Sometimes Guido even had the upper hand. He fought bravely, for the woman he loved. Miguel fought for his reputation, to avoid the shame of being beaten by an amateur and operasinger. Guido was tired. He managed to give his opponent a slight wound, but soon after Miguel hit his arm and made him drop his weapon. He came up to him. "Do you acknowledge your defeat?" – "I do, protesting." Fernando helped put a bandage around Guido's arm. "I thank you for the good fight" Miguel said. "You were a skilled adversary. About senorita de Chagny's favour I think she will decide for herself." He turned to Jeanette. "I hope to see you soon." Then he left. She went up to Guido. "You were much better than I thought. How do you feel?" – "Not so bad. Will you come with me to the hospital?" – "I will not. How long have you been in Madrid?" – "I was here for several periods. Once at the fiesta. Then I didn't find you. I attended the bullfight the other day. Then I saw you. You can't be serious with him." – "No I am not. And not with you either. We can talk about this tomorrow. You can't stop me from seeing Miguel." He looked sad. "I came to take you back. I bring you news from Annabella by the way. We performed in Carmen together. But soon she will not be able to wear those clothes. She is pregnant." – "She is? By whom?" – "By Silvio di Palma as I understand it." – "But – he couldn't have children?" – "I don't know, I just say what I've heard." – "Are they getting married?" – "I don't know that either. You seems very concerned." – "Of course I am! Now you must go see the doctor."

Rosa and Jeanette talked on the way back. "You seem to have more in common with him than with Miguel." – "But I don't love him – either. Guido talked about Annabella and Silvio – that they were going to have a baby. I always thought he couldn't have any. I must write to her and ask." – "Who are they?" – "Friends of mine from Milan. Silvio and I , we.." – "and you never had his child. Would you have wanted to?" – "I said I didn't – no not always. Now it's too late."

Jeanette and Guido met again the next day. He stayed for a couple of weeks before returning and she managed to keep him at bay. "I have decided" she said. "I am sorry but you have to choose – my friendship or nothing." And finally he saw facts. She didn't hear from Miguel for weeks. Fernando told her that he had gone looking for Manuela and finally found her.

Jeanette had a long letter from Annabella. "I can understand that you wonder about my baby, since you knew Silvio never had any. By chance he heard about a doctor who could cure this if it was due to just a small deficiancy. He decided to try this, it was in Vienna. And it worked! The baby is due in June. He has not asked his wife for a divorce but it really doesn't matter. When can we see you again?" – "When? Did she really want to see them again? Was Rosa right? Wasn't her inmost longing to have a child by Silvio?

The opera management wanted to prolong Jeanette's guest performance for the spring. At the same time m Lasalle told her that the opera in Vienna wanted her. They decided that she should stay in Madrid but also perform in Vienna two or three times a month. One of the last days before she went home to Paris for Christmas Miguel came to her dressing room. He brought white flowers. "I must apologize for not having come to see you." He told her he had been busy comforting Manuela. "I have realized you and I don't have so much in common. But it was good to get to know you." He kissed her hand. "I stay in Madrid for the spring, perhaps we will see each other again." As he left he said "Good luck with your carrier. When you are famous I will remember I once knew you – and kissed you."


	8. Jeanette Encounter in Vienna

**Jeanette 1913 – Encounter in Vienna**

Jeanette spent Christmas in Paris. André and Vivianne soon expected their first child and Christine looked forward to being a grandmother. Jeanette talked about Miguel, Guido and the duel. She also spoke of Silvio, Annabella and the baby. "Then your engagement with him is definitely over. And now?" – "I will just sing again. I wonder if I will ever find my Prince Charming." – "There is no such thing."- "Isn't there? Haven't you found one – or even two?" – "Yes I admit – I have been lucky."

Jeanette continued to perform in Madrid and in January she was in Vienna for the first time. She was successful and performed in her usual great roles. After the first week it was decided she would return in March. But one day in the middle of February there was an urgent telegram asking her to come to Vienna at once – the lead soprano had fallen ill and the performance was important. Luckily she could come, and started the journey immediately. But it had been snowing heavily and the the train was delayed, so when she arrived she just had time for a check in at the hotel and then go straight to the performance – no time for rehearsal. Since she had played in the same performance less than a month ago there would be no problem. She entered the stage, began to sing and threw a glance at the orchestra – then she almost missed her next key. Silvio was conducting. Then she hastily composed herself and went on singing. She wondered if he had know that she would be here.

During the performance a strange expectation began to rise within her. In the intermission she asked why maestro di Palma was conducting and was told that he replaced the ordinary conductor who obviously had got the same flu as the primadonna. He didn't show up in her dressing room during the following intermission and she felt that he should somehow make contact – otherwise she would be very dissappointed. After the curtain fall the ensemble bowed in front of the audience, and the conductor entered the stage. She didn't look at him as he went to her side and took her hand. He pressed it ever so slightly. As they left the stage he was a few steps behind her. They met the opera manager. "Splendid! We are ever so grateful that you could help us, mademoiselle de Chagny. Are you leaving tomorrow? Welcome back in March." He turned to Silvio. "Thank you too. But you stay a few days more?"

Silvio followed Jeanette into her dressingroom. "What are you doing here?" she said. "You heard. I replace the ordinary conductor. As you do the soprano, I understand." – "Did you know I was coming?"- "Not until I saw you on stage. It was certainly a surprise. You haven't told me yet that you are happy to see me." She smiled. "Of course I am." She didn't want to touch him. Instead she sat at the dressing table, wondering if she was to talk about Annabella and the baby. He looked at her in silence. Then he said "Your hotel room or mine?" She turned around. "What do you mean?" – "You know what I mean. You said it yourself – we may meet again somewhere and then it will sparkle. Jeanette, you know this will happen.." She rose. There was no way she could get past him. Instead she went up to him and the expectation which had been growing within her suddenly exploded and her blood began to heat. He caught her and kissed her almost as fervenly as the first time they met and she just had to give in. It felt like home. He whispered her name softly against her neck. "Are you ready?" he then said. "Let's leave. I'll get my coat."

They took a cab to her hotel, she took the key and he followed her. In the room he took her in his arms again. After a few kisses he whispered into her hair "Why did it end? I still love you." –"You know why we parted. I didn't want to stay with you, or with anybody else. It's over with Guido. I thought you were happy now?" – "Shh" he said "not now." He took her to the bed. A year ago they had still been a couple and she felt that she had missed him and that she had longed to share love with him again.

He spoke softly to her as she rested in his arms. "Will you not come back to me? I have missed you." – "I thought you and Annabella had a good life together? She is expecting your child. Isn't it exciting?"- "It's marvellous to be a father, I admit. But I would rather have a child with you. She was only my comfort, you know that."- "I don't think she would like to hear you say so. Of course you must stay together. Woun't you marry?" – "I don't want to ask Giannina again. It's seems like Annabella doesn't care. She is very happy for the child." He rose. "I must go, although I don't want to. Are you leaving tomorrow?" –"First thing. I will be back in Vienna in March." – "Then I will not be here. Can we meet again?" She looked at him. "We better not. You must stay with Annabella and be true to her. This was just a parenthesis." He lay his hand against her cheek. "A wonderful parenthesis." They kissed and she felt sad. But she couldn't interfere with his future domestic happiness.

"Where will you go next?" he asked before leaving. "Stockholm perhaps, or Moscow, or New York." –"Good luck to you then. I believe we will meet again somewhere, that is my comfort. Goodbye my darling." And he was gone. She turned to sleep. How strange.. what was the meaning with this meeting? So that she could get a little bit of happiness?

Jeanette decided to tell nobody of the encounter with Silvio. That should be their secret. The next time she went to Vienna he wasn't there, and it felt strange. She had a letter from the opera management in Stockholm who asked if she could come to the Stockholm opera in the autumn, and she accepted.

Jeanette had never been ill and whe she began to feel sick in the morning she was surprised. It passed and instead she was very hungry. Likewise she had never had any problem with the ordinary inconveniece of the month and all of a sudden it diverged from the normal. Then in a flash she understood. A few weeks later she went to see a doctor to get it confirmed, and the consequences came before her. Change of plans.. no guest performance in Stockholm.. a child .. Silvio's child. Suddenly she felt very happy. 'If this is the meaning of Fate I will not oppose it' she thought. This was the meaning of the brief encounter.. and it probably was for the best – she was going to be 30 next birhtday.

Rosa noticed that Jeanette had changed. "What is it? Woun't you tell me? Are you secretly in love?" Jeanette told her. "I'm pregnant, and I'm happy about it." – "By whom? I didn't know you met someone. Someone in Vienna?" – "I shouldn't tell. I want this to be a secret but you must know of course. It's Silvio." – "But he was having a baby with another woman you told me. When did you meet?" – "In Vienna, by chance. Or perhaps it was Fate." – "Do you believe that?" – "Perhaps in this case. You know we talked about it." – "Will you tell him?" – "Not now, not until Annabella has her baby. I don't want to spoil their joy." – "Later then?" – "Perhaps. I don't want him to abandon her for me. I don't want to live with him." – "But you want his baby? Who will take care of it?" – "My parents once promised. But I can do it myself."

At Easter Jeanette went to her parents in Paris. André and Vivanne brought their newly born son and she admired it. Were they really that small? So this was reality – did she want a child like this or should she try to get rid of it – never! In the evening, as Christine talked about the joy of being a grandmother, Jeanette said "This might shock you, mother. I'm expecting too." Her mother looked surprised. "This I may say came unexpected. Or unplanned? Who is the father?" – "The only one I wanted. We met in Vienna – once – and I didn't realize he was no longer safe. You promised to help me, remember?" – "Yes I do. But you must of course do your share. Have you told him?" – "No I don't want to interfere with his relationship with Annabella. When we met he said he still loves me – if he knows perhaps he will abandon her for me. I don't want that." – "But surely you have the right?" – "It's my choice. Imagine, a life without children, then suddenly two, within a half year – I wonder what Giannina would think of that?"

When the season in Madrid ended nobody there except for Rosa knew of her pregnancy. She sent a letter to the opera in Stockholm, with regrets that the guest performance couldn't take place this year. She was very happy to learn that Susan and Louis were expecting a child, and when she spent the month in Caen with Erik he told her all about the birth and that they had named the child Eric. "I would be very happy if they considered to move back to England one day" he said. "I think Susan would like to, but perhaps Louis doesn't want to." – "Would you be very surprised if I told you that I'm going to have a baby too?" she said. "You are? Congratulations! But I didn't think you wanted to have a family?" – "I will not. My child will travel with me." – "I presume there is a father? Doesn't he have anything to say?" – "Not if he doesn't know." When she saw her father's reaction she said "I know I'm doing like Anna, who didn't tell you about expecting Gregorij, and I know you don't like it. But I have my reasons. You might guess Silvio is the father, and he already has a family. When necessary I will hire a nurse and sing again."

By rumours Jeanette heard that Silvio and Annabella had a son, whose name was to be David Raffaelo.

Jeanette spent the summer with her parents. She spent time with the little son of her brother. "This must be the year of the babies" she said. "Three boys – little Philippe here, Susan's Eric and Silvio's David. Then I suppose I should have a girl." – "What do you want?" her mother said. "Since Silvio already has got I son I think I would like to have a daughter."

Having thought for a long time how she should spent the time until the baby was due, she finally knew what to do. She would go to New York to visit Susan and her family. "Beware to return in time" Christine said "I don't want you at the sea in November in the autumn storms, carrying the child." – "I will come back in time, don't worry."

The Malcolm family was very happy to see her. "Last time we met I rescued you from drowning" Louis said. "I'm sorry to hear that you and the conductor are no longer an item." – "That is entirely my choice. But we haven't met for the last time, I think." Jeanette admired their son, said hello to Madeleine and also met Sunny. Later the two sisters spoke alone. "How is it that you have the time to come and visit us? Why don't you sing?" – "You will soon see. I follow your lead. In November I'm going to have a baby." – "How wonderful! Who is the lucky man? I hadn't heard of any engagement?" – "There will be none. The father is a man who very much would like to perform together with you." –" Di Palma? But you were happy the last time I saw you." – "Much has happened since." Jeanette told her sister of all that had happened, including Annabella and the son. "So, I haven't told him yet."

Jeanette had a good time in New York at her sister's. Stanislaus Krystow came to visit, and Susan introduced them. "My sister Jeanette de Chagny, who is expecting in November."

Jeanette and Stanislaus had long talks about music life in America and Europe. "I have met di Palma many years ago, but perhaps he doesn't remember he" Stanislaus said. "What are you husband doing, mrs de Chagny?" – "I must shock you by admitting I'm not married. I will take care of my child by myself. "- "Is the name of the father a secret?" – "By no means. It's maestro di Palma. We had a relationship, but it's over. He doesn't know." – "I'm so sorry for prying into your private life. I would like to hear you sing."

Louis and Madeleine had the theater and Susan spent a lot of time with the baby and also rehearsing, so the person accompanying Jeanette when she went for walks in the city was Stanislaus. As she grew heavier it felt good to have a supporting arm to hold on to and he enjoyed that he for once could be of support to somebody. When he had spent a lot of time coming to their apartment Susan said "I think perhaps Stanislaus comes here to see you. It's good for him, at last forgetting about me." – "He is very nice. But I can't see him playing the part of a lover." – "Well once I could" Susan said, remembering his kisses some years ago.

"Will you not come with me to Europe, all of you?" Jeanette asked. "I know father would like you to." – "We will come in spring" Susan said. "As for staying – it would take a lot to persuade Louis." It was an early autumn and the weather was bad. "I have to return" Jeanette said."But I don't want to travel if I get sick?" Stanislaus offered to accompany Jeanette and she was grateful. The trip was difficult but both of them managed without feeling too bad. On arrival they went straight to the de Chagny apartment. Jeanette told her mother that mr Krystow had been a great comfort on the trip. "I have heard of you" Christine said. "I have heard you play the violine together with a lady". –"My late wife, Beatrice. When she died I left Paris." – "How long will you stay now?" – "I don't know. Can I telephone for a hotelroom from here?"

"A nice man" Christine said. "Yes he is. But I have no plans getting involved again if that's what you thought." Christine smiled. "I can tell you that Silvio asked for you" she said. "When you were not in Madrid, not in Stockholm and not in Vienna, he was worried. I told him you were in America, but nothing more." – "Good. I don't want to tell him before. And perhaps not after either."

The weeks before the baby was due went fast. Stanislaus came to visit. " I might start working here in Paris" he said. "I have spoken to the manager of the concert hall."

Then the day came and they had to hurry. Christine accompanied her daughter to the hospital and the birth was quick and easy. After a few hours Jeanette could hold her little daughter in her arms, a tiny child with fair hair and grey eyes. Christine sat by her side. "We will help you find a name for her" she said. "Tomorrow we will all come visit you, if we may." Jeanette fell asleep. A little later a nurse woke her up. "You have another visitor, madame de Chagny." The nurse left and Silvio entered the room. She looked at him, feeling dizzy and a little lost. "How did you came in?" – "I told them I was the father. How are you?" He kissed her hand. "How did you know I was here?" – "It's a long story." He told her how he had managed to locate her. "It wasn't easy. Nobody wanted to tell me. I came to Paris yesterday. I was so worried. It is my child, isn't it?" – "Yes it is. I didn't want to tell you." – "Why?" She felt tired. "I'm so tired, please come back tomorrow. If you want to see her, ask the nurse." – "I will. Sleep well."

The next day Jeanette was much more alert. The whole family came to see her, including André and Stanislaus. The baby was brought in. "Does she look like you?" Christine asked. "Have you thought of a name?" – "I like Louise, or Eloise. Or perhaps Margurite." They all admired the child and when they were about to leave Jeanette wanted a word with her mother alone. "Silvio was here yesterday" she said. "How did he find out?" – "Appearantly through the opera. He told the nurse he is the father of the child. He will return today. I think he will have a say about her name too."

It didn't take long until he showed up. "Who was the man in the company?" – "You never change. A friend of Susans who accompanied me across the Atlantic sea." He sat by her bed. "Was your plan not to tell me about my daughter?" – "I don't think so. I don't know." – "Have you thought of a name?" – "What about Eloise? Do you like it?" – "Could she also have the name Malgorzata? Margurite in Polish. That was my mother's name." – "Yes, I like that. Nothing has changed though. I will live my life without you." – "You can't stop me from seeing my daughter." – "You have a family, you cannot live like a bigamist? How is Annabella?" – "We live in my apartment. She has made me a home. It seems like new when there is also a nursery. She will start singing again." – "Then you must live with her and little David. You will meet Eloise as often as you like. But we will travel."- "Should I tell Annabella about you?" – "You have to. Rather you do it than she will hear it from somebody else." – "I have to leave Paris today. Can I see you again, after Christmas?" – "That will be good. We will stay with my parents. I will be home this spring but I hope to travel again in the autumn."- "Will Krystow stay in Paris?" – "I don't know. Are you jealous? There is nothing between us."

Jeanette stayed at her parent's. Eloise was a quiet baby and they all loved her very much. In January Silvio came to visit them. "I can see she has grown" he said. "It all happens so fast. David is already seven months, he crawls around. He looks a lot like Annabella." – "And Eloise is beginning to look like you. What did Annabella say when you told her?" – "I ought not repeat it. She almost left me. But then she realized she had the advantages – the apartment, the same respect as if she were my wife, and David's last name can be di Palma, if he wants.." – "I will get a nanny soon. I must start singing again." When he had left Jeanette realized they had not even touched this time.

**1914**

In April Jeanette had a letter from Silvio. "I am in Brussels for a few days, conducting. Will you meet me there? I would like to see Eloise." Why not? Jeanette had hired a young lady called Amie Arquette as a nurse for Eloise, and she accompanied them on the trip. They checked in at the hotel Silvio had recommended, and had a suite with a sitting room, a bedroom for Jeanette, a nursery with a bed for mlle Arquette. The next morning he made contact. He also had a room at the same hotel. Jeanette was glad to see him again. She realized she had missed him. He spent a long time playing with his daugher, now five months old. "I never thought I was going to play with children" he said "and now I have two." They went for a walk in the park. Amie pushed the pram and Silvio took Jeanette's arm. "I like going for a walk with 'my other family'" he said. "Pity it can't be more often." – "Does Annabella know I'm here?" – "It's for the best she doesn't know. But I have the right to see my daughter." They had dinner and he asked if she wanted to attent the performance. "I'd love too. I have never seen Nabucco."

Jeanette dressed up and went to the opera. She thought about this meeting. So far his only interest had been his daughter. Had he decided to stay true to Annabella? She realized she hadn't thought of a man for a year. After the performance they returned to the hotel together. "This autumn I will go to Stockholm" she said. "Mlle Arquette and Eloise will come too. Perhaps I will stay for a year." In the hotel lobby he said "You are so beautiful tonight. I had forgotten that." – "You mean you have forgotten me?" – "Never." She felt pleased. He came to her door. "I believe Eloise is asleep."- "Then I can watch her sleeping." He sneaked in. The girl was asleep and so was Amie. She went to the sitting room. "Would you like something to drink or will you retire?" she asked. "I want you" he said. Her heart made a leap. "Nobody can deny a man spending the night with the mother of his child" he said. She knew this was what she had waited for. Her protests were lame and soon she was in his arms. The heat engulfed her as always, she had no idea how they got to her bed. He didn't say he loved her but she recognized the heat and she knew it was too long since last time. When it was over she wept. "This is an impossible situation" she said with her head against his chest."I don't think so. You don't want to live with me. Now we can meet every now and then when I see my daugher. Why shouldn't we make love? You want to.." – "But Annabella? Then you still are a bigamist." – "You know I am able to love two persons at the same time. What if she finds out? She still lives as my wife, in the apartment, mother of my son." -"It's tempting – but it's wrong. If I meet someone else – then it must stop." – "So you agree?"- "One love night every forth month – very unconventional and very immoral. We will see. I presume you will not come to Stockholm?"

Mlle Arquette was surprised when Silvio had breakfast with the family in the morning, but she said nothing. They stayed for five days and continued to meet during the days. The nights Jeanette spent in Silvio's room. "I have got used living with you" she said when they said goodbye. "I have enjoyed these days immensly. Now you must go home and forget about me." – "That will never happen. Remember, I love you – too."

**Author's note: Two more chapters to come. One is about Gregorij. Then Erik meets them all again just before the beginning of the war.**


	9. Gregorij 1911

**Gregorij 1911-1914**

The Ragavich family returned to Moscow a couple of weeks after Susan's and Louis' wedding. "Your sister Susan has a strong personality and she is very sensitive" Boris said to Gregorij. "I can understand if you were close. Is she the woman you once loved?" – Gregorij felt his cheeks redden. "Why do you think so?"- "Just a guess. And I couldn't help overhearing what Madeleine King said to you. You don't have to tell me, and you don't have to be ashamed."- "We had to keep it a secret. It lasted only for a short time, two years ago. Now she seems happy."

Boris travelled around to smaller opera houses and ballets in Russia to find young people with talents in the beginning of the summer. Gregorij spent the summer with his parents. Boris returned telling that he had found a brother and a sister who were talented and could improve even more by dancing at the Bolsjoj. They were half-siblings, Katerina and Alexej Kaminskij, poor but devoted, living with their grandparents. Their mother, Tamara, had met Katerina's father when she was very young, and he had deserted her after a while. Later on she met Alexej's father, a nobleman, who unfortunately had died before he could marry her. Tamara became ill and had to spend her life at an institution, but she wanted her children to learn ballet and their grandparents let them.

They came to Bolsjoj in September. Katerina was slender with brown hair and a shy look and Alexej was blond and unafraid. They worked hard and soon they got small parts in the ballets. Irina and Nina took an interest in Alexej. "He really is too good looking" they said. "A man shouldn't." – "But he is the son of a noble man, isn't he?" He was a fast learner and Boris praised him. Katerina had more difficulties, but she faught them bravely. She reminded Gregorij of Susan, and he took a special interest in her. When she stayed for extra rehearsals he stayed too, at first just watching her, but later on he asking her if he could be of any help. She was grateful. Trying to forget her shyness she began to spend time with him. He told her she should be more secure, to believe in herself. She admired her brother, who had always been the strongest of them. Soon she asked Gregorij to call her Katja.

Boris showed a great interest in Alexej, whilst Gregorij wasn't especially fond of the young man. He noticed a change in his and Boris' relationship. Later in the autumn he confronted him, and Boris confessed that his interest in Alexej had become personal. After a long talk Boris and Gregorij decided to end their relationship. Instead Gregorij began to be Katja's devoted friend. He wondered if his interest in her was due to the fact that she resembled Susan, but more and more he understood that it was Katja herself who appealed to him. He felt protective.

As time passed Gregorij noticed that Katja also was interested in him. He tried to touch her or take her hand but she always stiffened. "Don't be afraid of me" he said. "I don't want to hurt you. Will you not let me kiss you?" She smiled a little. "It's just that I have no experience" she said. "I was always scared by what happened to my mother. But of course we could try." He kissed her cautiously and she tried to do her best. Then she laughed. "I think I could learn this" she said.

When winter came Gregorij felt that he was perhaps in love again, and he had reason to believe that Katja felt the same. He wrote a letter to Erik. "I think you will appreciate how things have developed. Now there is a chance that I too can provide you with grandchildren."

The relationship between Katja and Gregorij developed during the spring of 1912 and people began to see them as an item. Irina and Nina were their closest friends, and in the summer they were all invited to the manor of count Leonid Sokolnij, who had become the suitor of Nina. He also had invited some of his friends, nobelmen with interests in politics. At the grand ball on one of the first nights Leonid introduced his closest friends Michail, Vassiji and Vassiji's sister Natasja.

During the following days they walked in the garden, were involved in discussions and played tennis. Natasja, who was a beautiful young woman who knew what she wanted, managed to play with Gregorij and did so at several occations, and soon Katja became jealous. Natasja's interest was too obvious and Gregorij seemed to like her company. In fact Gregorij didn't mind spending time with Natasja, who he found charming and beautiful. He realised he hadn't given himself time to associate with women and now he began to doubt his feelings for Katja. Had they developed too fast? Once Natasja tried to kiss him and he let her. But he soon felt regrets. One day he went by himself in the winter garden to meditate. Suddenly he saw Katja standing by a bush of wild roses, dressed in a pink dress, looking a little sad and very much resembling Susan. He realised he loved her. He called for her. "Katja" he said "can you forgive me?" – "What for?" – "For treating you badly. Natasja tried to make me forget you. But now I know I love you." He took her in his arms. "Will you marry me – eventually?" – "Yes, I will – eventually."

Irina spent time with the young men Michail and Vassiji. She noticed they talked a lot of political matters. There were tensions between the countries in Europe, she knew. "Perhaps it would be good with some reforms" Gregorij said one day. Immediately Michail began to defend the current rulers. When not talking politics he was very charming though, and Irina appreciated his company. Soon they went on their own and one day they had a small picnic. She sat on the blanket as he took tea and sandwiches from the basket. The sun reflected in his golden hair. She reached out and touched his cheek. "You haven't tried to court me yet" she said. He looked at her. "Would you be interested? I haven't had the courage." –"Oh yes" she said. "You are lovely." – "So are you." He bent over her and kissed her and she put her arms around his neck. After a while they sat up. "I can feel my heart beat" she said. "I don't know if that was such a good idea" he said. "Why not? You said you liked me?" – "Yes, but you know nothing of me. You shouldn't get attached to me." – "Am I not good enough for you? Just a dancer?" – "No, I don't mean that. Or – yes." –"I enjoy spending time with you. Couldn't we be together – just a little?" – "Well, if you want to. But you must be prepared to never meet me again."- "Are you married? Engaged?" – "No. Just a man with duties."

Irina and Michail went for walks and the others began to noticed their interest in each other. She enjoyed his kisses and he seemed to appreciate her too. One evening when they went for a walk she said "I have a feeling you are not who you say you are. Can't you tell me? If I knew I could love you." – "I can't. I'm here incognito." It was dark and they went along the stables. She stopped and pulled him closer to her, she wanted to experience love, she kissed him and caressed his shoulders. "What do you want?" he asked. "I want you." – "My darling" he whispered and began kissing her neck. As she leaned against him she heard a noice and a branch crack near them, and he let go of her. "What was that?" – "Perhaps the horses in the stable?" – "No it came from the woods. Let's go inside." They began to move when there was a shot, a sharp light and Michail fell to the ground. Irina screemed. She threw herself on the ground as another shot just missed her. Now people came running from the house and she heard someone run into the woods. One of the stablemen kneeled at Michail's side and said "He's alive. Run to the manor and call a doctor"!

With tears in her eyes she run to the house. Michail was brought in, unconscious, and they had to wait for a while for the doctor. "Did you catch the shooter?" Irina asked. "No, he got away." She looked at Leonid "Who is he?" He kept his mouth shut. The doctor came and managed to remove the bullet. "I will take him to a hospital in the morning" he said.

Irina didn't sleep well that night. Early the next morning she went into Michail's room. "He will be alright" the doctor said "but he is very weak." Michail opened his eyes and looked at Irina. She smiled at him, faintly. "You must recover" she said. "I love you." He nodded slightly.

Ambulance and policement came to get Michail. When they had left Irina said "Now can you tell me who he is?" – "I suppose I have to. He is Michail Romanov, nephew to the tsar." – "And he was here without a body guard?" – "He was supposed to be here incognito." – "But somebody knew."

Irina was quiet. She had kissed and almost loved the tsar's nephew. No wonder he hesitated to start a relationship with her. Now she would perhaps never see him again. "Do you know what?" Gregorij later told his sister. "Once our mother tried to kill the tsar." –"I didn't know that. Why? And why didn't she manage?" -"Erik stopped her. He saved her as she later saved him." – "And now I have changed sides, you mean? Instead of killing a member of the tsar family I have fallen in love with one?" They all returned to Moscow after this incident, which also filled all the newspapers.

In the beginning of the autumn season of 1912 Gregorij and Katja were engaged.

Irina couldn't help thinking of Michail. She read that he had fully recovered. She understood that he would hardly think or her.

One evening there was whispering among the dancers. "There will be bigwigs coming to the performance tonight" they said. "They are preparing the royal box." The performance of the evening was Sleeping Beuty with Irina dancing the main part. She had no possibility to see who were sitting in the box during the performance, she could only guess. When she came to her dressing room during the intermission there was a note waiting for her. "Will it be suitable for you if I come to see you after the performance? M" She smiled. 'Will it be suitable?' Yes, that was really the question. She had no idea how to behave towards him. But she was happy and felt inspired to perform at her best during the rest of the show. Afterwords she asked Nina to see to it that nobody came to disturb her. She hurried to her dressing room. After a while there was a knock at the door. He opened it and told his guards to stay outside. She bent her knees in reverence ."You highness". He held out his hand. "Please don't make courtesy to me." She looked at him shyly. He was more handsome than ever, wearing a uniform. "I didn't quite know.. woun't you sit down? Are you feeling better?"

He looked at her. "Why this distance? I understand, you were shocked when you knew who I was. I have fully recovered, thank you. How did you feel at the time? I should have contacted you before." It was difficult to understand that this was the man with whom she had spooned at the manor. "I was terrified. I was so scared you were badly hurt and so relieved when you recovered – your highness.." – "Please call me Michail. I remember you were in my room telling me you loved me." She blushed. "I didn't know then who you were. " – "Would that have made a difference?" – "Of course it had." He took her hand and pulled her closer to him. "Remember our last night? What were your intentions?" –"It was for the best they were not fullfilled. Then it would have been more difficult to part." – "Part? You don't want to see me any more?" She looked astonished. "That would hardly be appropriate." – "Discreetly of course."

The pulled away from him. "Not as bad as it sounds" he said in a haste. "Dining, at restaurants or at my residence. " – "You said I was too fine a girl to take advantage of, and then leave.." – "I don't mean like that. You set the terms. If I had not been who I am.." – "Then I had liked you – very much." She went up to him and put her head against his shoulder. "You have so many decorations.." she looked up at him "The risk is I forget to set the borders." He kissed her and she came into his arms. Now he was just Michail. "Can I see you again?" he then said. She nodded. "I'll will send you a message. By the way – you are a talented dancer." – "Thank you, your highness." – "Don't say that. I wish I were an ordinary man." – "You do not. When I heard you discussing politics I should perhaps have guessed who you were. This is your life" –"You are right. Until next time then." He kissed his fingertips.

Soon after Nina entered the room. "What did he say? What happened?" Irina was pensive. "If I had an urge to become a royal maitresse this would be my chance. But I don't know. We could never meet on the same level, I would be a secret mistress and then he would marry a nobelwoman or a princess. I have agreed to see him once. That will perhaps be all."- "How exciting this is. What will your mother say?" – "I don't think I will tell her."

The next meeting took place in a private room at and old, renown restaurant. They had dinner at a small table by candle lights. Michail wore a light uniform without any medals and Irina a beautiful dress. They talked and laughed and drank champagne. She realised the conversation mostly was about him and she thought they perhaps hadn't that much in common.

They sat in the sofa for the coffe and sweets. He put his arms around her and they kissed. She felt that she had missed him, and it hurt. She touched his face. "Is there any possiblity you could marry me?" –"There are many suitable cousins in my family and I have to marry one of them. Irina – would it be that terrible to go on meeting me secretly?" – "As a sort of unofficial girl friend? I do love you, but not enough for that. Perhaps we have better part." He looked dismayed. She smiled "Not yet. But after this evening. I want to remember you just like this." She came into his arms and they kissed and embraced. When they parted at midnight they both had tears in their eyes, and she had not renounced her virginity.

In the beginning of 1913 Gregorij had a letter from Susan, telling him that she and Louis expected their first child. He was happy for her, but at the same time it felt like the end of something. This was the final ending of his love for her, and for his transient plans of their having a child together – a genius, he said, a monster, she said. He was happy for Erik at last having grandchildren, which he so wanted. He thought of Katja. Were they to have children together?

At Christmas 1913 Gregorij and Katja seriously began to discuss getting married. Then they had been engaged for over a year. Both of them longed to be a real family. Together they had visited Katja's mother a couple of times and now she felt so well that she could stay in apartment of her own. Tamara liked Gregorij. "In a way you remind me of Katja's father" she said.

Anna and Igor invited all Gregorijs family and friends to the wedding which was to take place in April.


	10. Gregorij and Katja

**1914 – Gregorij and Katja**

In February 1914 Susan and Louis travelled to Europe. Madeleine stayed to take care of the theater but Sunny accompanied them as Eric's nurse.

At last Erik and Eleanor had the chance to see their grandson, who now was seven month old. When they sat all together in the living room talking Erik carried the boy into his study, where they stayed for about half an hour. When they returned he said "Now I have talked to Eric. We understand each other." Susan wondered if her father perhaps had become a little crazy.

Richard, who still went to university, came home to meet them. Susan and Louis had a good time in London and she felt happy to be "home" again.

After a time Louis wanted to return but Susan wanted to stay a little longer. Then they all had word of the wedding between Gregorij and Katja. They were all invited. Erik said that such a trip would be too tiring for him, hoping that the young couple would come to visit them. Susan wanted to go and Louis agreed to accompany her.

Louis was worried about the theater but Susan assured him that Madeleine could manage. Susan had an idea, which she almost didn't dare to tell her husband. One evening she tried. "What would you say about selling the theater in New York and move to London?" – "Selling? What are you talking about?" – " I would very much like to come here again. This is my home and my father is old. He would appreciate having us near him." Louis frowned. "Sometimes I think you care more about him than about me. Eric is his grandson first, then my son."-"It's not like that at all, you know that" she said. "Please consider it, for my sake." – "There are so many practicalities – the theater, Fort Appia, Madeleine. And my mother wo lives in Canada." She went up to him and put her arms around his neck. "All these things can be solved. I would really appreciate it.." – "Ok, I will think about it." He kissed her. "You know you are very persuasive?"

Susan, Louis and Eric took a trip to Paris to visit Jeanette and Eloise. They talked about Gregorij's wedding. Jeanette was not going to attend. "I hope they will visit me if they go to London" she said. Susan and Jeanette both found it interesting that their brother had settled on marrying a woman, after the intermezzo with Boris.

Anna and Igor hosted the wedding between Gregorij and Katja. Michail and his whole family came to Moscow to participate and Katja's mother Tamara came. From London came Susan and Louis with Eric and Richard. Boris and Alexej, Katja's brother, were also invited.

Susan and Gregorij met after not having seen each other for a while. "You are ravishing as always" he said. "A little more mature. Being a mother becomes you. Eric is lovely, just like I imagine a son of yours." – "I hope you will have children too. She is very sweet, your Katja. It's no coincidence that she looks a little like me? You suit each other." He smiled.

Petrushka thought it nice to meet Louis again. Susan wondered how Michail would react seeing her, but if he still had feelings for her, he didn't show them.  
They told them that Elizaveta, their daughter, who now was seven, was going to move to Moscow to begin studying ballet and then stay with the Ragavich family. Michail would come to visit her often.

The wedding was beautiful. Katja was a sweet and enchanting bride and the bride's mother wiped as it should be.

Louis and Anna found each other. She admired his son "Little Eric seems just the grandchild Erik always wanted. Now I can hope for grandchildren of my own."

Irina and Richard talked a lot. She told him about Michail Romanov. "In a way I can't forget him. Perhaps I hope that we will meet again under other circumstances. "

Before Susan and her family left for London she said "We have plans to move to London. Only a little more persuation is needed to make Louis want it too."

**Wedding trip**

Katja and Gregorij set out for a wedding trip through Europe. They went to Paris to meet Jeanette. She greeted her new sister-in-law with enthusiasm. "I was so curious to meet the woman my brother decided to marry" she said. "I don't really understand how you all are related" Katja said. "You are Gregorij's sister, but so are Susan and Irina. "-"You will understand in due time. Much of it is due to our mutual father." They also spent time with Eloise, who was a lively girl. Gregorij took his wife's hand. "Would you like one of those yourself?" – "Yes, why not?" Katja smiled.

They stayed for a couple of days. "We will spend some time in London and then we have a long journey back home" Gregorij said. "I begin to feel tired" Katja said. "I long to get to Moscow and decorate our first home together." When they left Jeanette said "I would like you to take a message for Susan. Tell her to prepare to play Tjajkovskij's piano concerto here in Paris in August, before I go to Stockholm for a guest performance. She knows what I mean."- "What does it mean?"- "That she will perform with a conductor who wants to do this with her." – "Who? Him?" – "Yes, the father of my child. We keep in contact." – "I will tell her."

Susan met them at the station. "I have persuaded Louis to move here to London, at least for a period. He has returned to New York to take care of things, find a buyer to the theater and sell the villa. I am so happy to be back in London."

Eleanor greeted them as they came to the apartment. "It's good to see you again, Gregorij. And you Katja. You are so welcome! You look lovely. Are you tired?" – "A little. We have travelled much." They entered the salon. Erik rose from his chair. He hugged his son. "Nice to see you. I'm always glad to be alive to meet my dear ones again." – "Your'e tough, you still have a long time to live." Katja came up to them. She looked a little scared. She was prepared but still the mask frightened her. Erik took her hands. "Welcome Katja. Don't be scared of me. You will soon get used. " He touched her cheek with his finger. "You are lovely." She smiled.

Katja and Gregorij had a room of their own in the apartment. They all had dinner together. Eric and Sunny also participated. "Sunny is here as a Eric's nurse" Susan said. The girl smiled. Her hair was still blond and curly and the family liked her. Erik once told Susan, furtively, that he didn't mind at all looking at a sweet young girl.

Gregorij passed on the message from Jeanette. "She once told me that Silvio wanted to perform that piece together with me" Susan said. "August is good. I hope Louis will be back until then."

As soon as Susan or Erik played the piano Eric came to listen, and they realized he was musical. "We must let him learn to play as soon as possible" Susan said. "I remember I learned when I was very small. Father of course wants him to be like me – or rather like himself. Louis is jealous of this. Perhaps it's time to give him someone he could take care of – a little Louisa?"

Erik played and the little boy listened sitting in Sunnys lap. Katja listened too. She was fascinated of the way he became fully engulfed by the music. After a while she stood by his side, looking at his hands. They looked alive and young, not over eighty years old. He smiled at her and she felt a strong sympathy with him.

Susan had a telegram from Louis. "He has found a buyer for the theater and plan to be back in England by the middle of August. Madeleine is coming too."

In the end of June the news spread over Europe that the successor to the throne in Austria and his wife had been assassinated in Sarajevo. The political discussions began. "There is a turbulence in Europe at the moment" Erik said. "There is even talk of war. I hope that could be avoided."

After a couple of weeks in London Katja wanted to return home. "If there is going to be a war we have better avoid it and go home as soon as possible" she said. "But I very much want to come back here. " She had grown fond of listening to Erik playing and did so as often as she could. One afternoon when they were alone in the room and she stood by his side she leaned forward and took off his mask. She had a small shock but didn't scream. He stopped playing. "Why did you do that?" – "I wanted to see you. Do you mind? We are related now and you like me, don't you? You don't need to be ashamed." He put his mask back. "I would like to decide to whom I want to show my face" he said, irritated. "I am so sorry" her voice was full of remorse. "I was curious. I don't know when I'll see you next time. " She lay her hand on his other cheek. "Can you forgive me?" He kissed the palm of her hand. "Yes. I'm so glad Gregorij has found you. Were you scared?" – "A little" – "I hope it hasn't affected you badly in any way. " He looked at her. "Are you going to have children?" – "Perhaps. Yes of course we are." He went on playing and she listened.

Gregorij and Katja travelled back home, just in time to get away from the war.

In July Erik and Jeanette met in Caen. She brought Eloise and Erik was very pleased to meet his little granddaugher. They talked about children. "I hope to get more grandchildren. Perhaps Susan will have another one. But if Katja and Gregorij have children, they will live far away from us." – "What did you think of Katja?" – "She went straight to my heart." – "You fell in love with her?" – "Sort of. You deserve something when you are old like me." –"Like looking at Eric's nurse?" – "Whoever told you that?" – "A little bird. Or perhaps Susan. Will you come to the concert Susan and Silvio will give?" – "I don't think so. I don't like to travel."

Susan practiced a lot before the concert. Louis and Madeleine arrived in the beginning of August. "Just the right time to come to Europe when there is a war coming" Louis said. "England will perhaps stay out of it"Susan said. There was no time to loose and the time for the concert was set. Annabella had not wanted Silvio to go but he was persistent. Susan and Louis arrived from London but nobody else dared to make the journey. Finally Susan and Silvio met again. "I have longed for this" he said. "At last we give the world a chance to listen to us." During the rehearsals Jeanette and Louis spent the time together. "For the first time in my life I feel lost" he said. "I have no work and i have not yet found one."

The concert was a success. Susan was stunning with the diamond hair slide Erik had once given her in her black hair, wearing a long black velvet dress. The audience enjoyed the music and it was evident that the conductor and the soloist enjoyed to play. The applauses never seemed to end, and Susan and Silvio bowed, hand in hand, in front of the auditorium. "I know this is her life" Louis said, watching his wife.

They went to a fashionable restaurant having a good time for the rest of the evening. Then they returned to the hotel. The two sisters took a stroll in the lobby. "Are you going home from here?" Susan asked. "No, I stay with Silvio." –"What's it like living like that – as 'the other woman' so to speak?" – "It's fine. I can have him when I like but I don't have to live with him. But it will come to an end now when I go to Stockholm. And he is getting old. Annabella can have him now." She laughed understanding she was a little intoxicated. Susan laughed too. "I can understand your feelings. I find him charming too."- "You stick to Louis. He is one in a million." – "What if you find a new man to love in Stockholm?" – "Well, you never know. Let's go back to the boys now."

Before he left Jeanette said goodbye to Silvo. "We don't know when we'll meet again" she said. "I will think of you" he said. "Both of you. I hope you will be back for Christmas. " – "I hope so too" she said and kissed him.

Soon after the news spread about the war. Germany had declared war against Russia and France. Germany advanced attacking Belgium and England joined too. André de Chagny, Jeanette's brother, was an officer and had to join up. Jeanette, Eloise and mlle Arquette embarked a ship in Calais and sailed for Stockholm.

Katja and Gregorij made it back to Moscow just before the war broke out. They moved to a new apartment and started their life together. Soon Katja discovered that she was pregnant and probably had been so even when she was in Paris and London. Tamara stayed in Moscow to be near her daughter. Katja was soon tired and began to feel heavy. They went for a thorough examination and were informed that Katja was carrying twins. "In a way that could be practical" Gregorij said. "Yes, but tiresome. I will have to rest a lot now."

**Meet Katja's and Gregorij's twins in the last part of this story, Erik – the final part. From the time of Word war one to Erik's final days in the middle of the 1920's.**


End file.
